Sunday, December 24, 2006

'Twas the night before Christmas

Today, although it was Christmas Eve, was pretty mundane. Early this morning I struggled with the fact that unlike Christmas Eve when I was a kid we didn't have any plans....aside from the Nativity Mass this evening.

During my childhood Christmas Eve and Christmas Day where jam packed full of family activities and traditions.

On Christmas Eve afternoon we would go to my paternal Grandparents house where I was the youngest (until my sister ruined it for me) of nine grandchildren. My grandparents house was, and still is, tiny. And it made it that much more fun. Kids everywhere, adults everywhere. Noises of frustration turned to delight once the supper dishes were washed and the adults sat down with us to open our presents. Although the presents were never elaborate ( I always ended up with a photo album or a cross stitch somewhere in my loot) they were loved. It was the feeling I now recognize as being ever more rare. The feeling of a close knit, old fashioned family, coming together to celebrate a season as well as a common belief. The kids would help rid the living room of the shredded newspaper in order to make room to play with our newly acquired treasures.

At 11:30 pm the adults would corral the still playing children and wake the ones that had collapsed from exhaustion and we would caravan into town to our church for Midnight Mass. Although I remember being so tired during church, the minute the crisp, cool night air hit my face afterwards I was wide awake. It was after midnight, and technically Christmas Day, and I was each year uncertain as to whether Santa had already arrived at our house and left because we were not in bed asleep, or if we would, by mere minutes, make into bed in time. On the way home we would turn our car radio to a local station that had Santa spotters and I would look for a flashing red light in the sky that would, of course, be Rudolph's nose. Luckily, each year we made it to bed in time.

Christmas morning I would wake up and go immediately into my parents room. None of this dashing to the tree to see what he brought. No sir-ee. I was too afraid that he might still be in there and I wouldn't want to accidentally see him. --I think I am the only child in the world who didn't want to catch Santa in the act.

After we had opened presents we would head over to my maternal grandparents where we would meet up with my other aunts and uncles and my other 10 cousins that I was the oldest of. And although I don't remember the presents being the big too-do, the meal definitely was. The grandkids had a special table and there was a special plate that we all wanted to use. It was a McDonald's plate with Mr. Ronald McDonald himself on it, along with the Hamburgerler, Grimace and whoever the bird was. It was literally the luck of the draw that decided who got to use it.

These are the memories from my childhood that I will never forget. They have defined me and my almost desperate need for family involvement and they have been embedded in my soul as some of the best times of my childhood as well as my life. That carefree feeling and peace will never exist in me again, because as everyone knows, once you become an adult, not to mention a parent, you will never know complete peace again. Whether it be worries about your children, health, relationships or money.......a carefree existence ceases to be. It is called adulthood.

Now since I am the adult, I am grasping at ways to fill my children's lives with an abundance of "carefree peace". I want to fill them up so as to carry them through adulthood. I want them to have so many memories and moments to draw upon that they never run out and the well never runs dry. Somedays I feel like I am doing an ok job and other days I feel like I am failing miserably.

Today I started out feeling like I was failing. I mean, here it was, Christmas Eve and the day was unfolding like any other. We ate breakfast, played, ate lunch, took a nap, and then got ready for church.

I am not sure what transpired on the way to church that took my attention away from what I felt like I was lacking and turned it towards what I had been blessed with. I think there was just something about the drive to town the kids enjoying all the Christmas lights, dressed up our Sunday best, and my husband attending services with me that almost stopped me in my tracks. -The moment was perfect. I know perfect doesn't exist. There is always better. But not tonight. Tonight--even with its imperfections--was perfect. I know that is a contradiction, but to me it makes perfect sense.

On the way home from church we stopped to eat. No fine dining. Just a quick bite at McDonalds. The kids ate, we ate, everyone was happy. On the ride back home Miss L (who has just figured out what Christmas is all about) sang Christmas songs.

"Sing with me, mommy!"

OK, what are we singing?

"Jingle Bells"

So, in unison we sing Jingle Bells. Off tune, loud, with Mr. B excitedly enjoying our serenade and of course, hubby, quietly driving, smiling.

"wait...let's sing a baby Jesus song."

Ok, what song?

Miss L began singing. I think it must be a new carol or something. I had never heard it before. It lasted almost 5 minutes. I will hit a few of the high points for you.

Imagine this to the tune of.........who am I kidding......there was NO tune....

"Little Baby Jesus was born and he was crying for three days because he wanted Santa to come"

".....Santa parked his sleigh and said if you will be good........"

"Jesus' eyes were watering and his throat was scratchy....."

"Star light star bright Merry Christmas to Rudolph....."

"We love you Jesus....."

What can I say, she's three....she has obvious talent. ;) I think her song, like the night, was perfect. And it is these moments that she will be able to draw from once an adult. Maybe it wasn't the traditional huge family Christmas Eve that I had as a child, but it was still one spent with my own children that I love more than life...singing to the baby Jesus.......

I am finding that even in adulthood I am surprising myself by adding to my own well of memories to draw from. My history doesn't have to be my kids history in order for it to be good. Who knows, maybe they will think theirs is even better.

My wish for your Christmas is to find perfection in the imperfection.

Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night!

Wednesday, December 20, 2006

Monday, December 18, 2006

Embarrassing moments.......

We have all had them. Some of ours are worse than others. Some leave a person scarred for life and some leave a person with a renewed sense of strength. And some, well some are.. well, JUST embarrassing.

I have had many, and I mean many, embarrassing moments. You name it. I have probably had it. I have fell down bleachers in front of an auditorium full of rodeo final fans....I have had aunt flow show up on the back of my pants with no advance warning with a HOUSEFULL of people.....I have even showed up to work with what I will call mouth mucus on my shirt that obviously didn't make it into my hand when I covered my mouth, (as our mothers tell us to do) when I sneezed.

However I think that what differentiates my next embarrassing moment from the rest is that I wasn't even present when the actual embarrassment took place.


As my very few readers know, I have lived in the country my whole life. Because of this I have never been, and still aren't, a "pull the blinds" kind of girl. In fact, I have never been exceedingly modest, even when I lived at home. Blame it on location...blame it on my family....blame it on me. But it is a fact.

Argument: Why to blame it on my family: Ask my high school friends. They can offer me a defense. They KNOW. They have seen my dad exiting his comfy recliner, heading towards his bedroom......with only his tighty whiteys on....as if it is their fault that they came to the door. (gasp!) Also a common sight around my house was my mother multi-tasking in her bra and panties while getting ready.

Argument: Why it should be blamed on location: Well, this one is kind of boring. But in the country, you are given a false sense of privacy. The chances of being caught in your underwear or naked pale in comparison to the chances of not getting caught. EX: I was great at running to the clothesline in my underwear to get the clothes that I wanted to wear off the clothesline and NOT get caught. Timing......and listening for cars. Those are the secrets, I tell you.

Argument: Why it is my fault: I am a smart girl. I should know better. Years of running around half naked are BOUND to catch up with you. Even if you thought you were too sneaky for that.

When I was about 17 years old I was at home getting ready to go out that night. I had done my hair and make-up but before settling on whatever sexy, irresistable, cowgirl (of course) attire I would wear had decided to start some laundry for my mom. Our laundry room was where are back door was located. Our "back door" was actually our side door and was the door used by anyone and everyone who wasn't a salesman or Jehovah's witness. (no offense meant)

As I was putting in the laundry, the phone rang. The phone was not one of the cordless variety. Nooooo, it hung on the wall seperating the laundry room and dining room and had a cord that was stretched out and tangled...... I was carrying on a conversation, minding my own business when our neighbor pulled in.

Now this neighbor isn't your typical country, mind-your-own-business, neighbor. He is an "implant". An Italian, city building inspector, trying to be a farmer. GREAT! WONDERFUL! I am here in my underwear trapped between the "back door" and the picture window in the dining room. So in an effort to save, ummmm.....face, I crouched down, against the door he was knocking on and held my breath and waited......and waited.......and waited.......and waited.

This guy would NOT give up.

I am not home!!!!......Don't you get the picture? GO AWAY!

-In hindsight I should of just popped up and said, "Hello, can I help you?"

Eventually he went away. My heart was racing....I was a little flushed. And like someone with a hangover puking in the toliet, I promised myself..."I will NEVER do that again!" WHEW! That was close!

I disclosed all of this to my mom when she made it home that day. Funny, huh? Leave it to me....chuckle, chuckle. All is well. Or maybe not.

A week later, Mr. Italian neighbor shows up again. I am not home, but my precious mother was.

"Mrs. Mom, uummm, I need to talk to you about your daughter...."

Oh, OK, what's going on?

"well, your daughter (me) has a heavy foot"

So my mother, in an effort to "help" me, tells him: Oh, you must of heard her running for cover. The reason she didn't answer the door is because you had caught her naked....and she was hiding....from you, behind the door. Sorry. (I am sure there was a definate eye roll here)

Apparently the look on his face alerted my mother that he didn't know what she was talking about, but now had an image flashing through his mind that he didn't really want to have there.

"Uh, actually, Mrs. Mom, I was just going to tell you that she drives a little too fast. Just wanted to let you know. I'd hate for her to have an accident or anything. Um, I better go now.....Bye"


So, you see, I was actually absent, for one of my most embarrassing moments to date. Thanks Mom!

7 days until Christmas.....

and I am already gaining weight. I was speaking to Becca this morning and thought that maybe I should be measuring how much fun I am having this holiday season by how much weight I am gaining.



This puts a positive spin on the weight gain. "I AM HAVING 5 LBS of FUN!" Yippee! Hooray! Merry freakin' Christmas!


Friday, December 15, 2006

Answers

  • elevators

  • bathroom stalls

  • Santa Claus

  • jets on the tub




Question:



Things that cause Mr. B to have this reaction:


Wednesday, December 13, 2006

Monday, December 11, 2006

The most beautiful snowflake of all......

This weekend was Miss L's performance of the Nutcracker. She told us driving into town on our way to the auditorium that she was going to "dance beautifully". She did. And we are not biased at all.


All of the girls did great. Once during the performance a little girl went to the edge of the stage and hollered "Hey Grandpa! Can you see me?" Of course, that got a big laugh......and stole the show.





Now, Miss L is a little shy around other children. She gets right in the middle of them and follows them......but she doesn't talk much and definitely isn't a leader. Being in this performance somehow has proved to be very therapeutic for her. I am not sure if it was the cheers of the crowd, or the pretty costume..... but she seems to have gained a lot of self-confidence.



Can you tell?

After the show we all decided to go out and eat. While we were there her teachers came in. At this point she had changed out of her costume and was in her "street" clothes. At the recital there were teachers from different studio locations helping out. These teachers had only been to one of Miss L's practices, so they really weren't familiar with the local students.

As one of these teachers passed by Miss L hollered "Hi" and waved.....the teacher just kept walking. I would hate to accuse her of ignoring my child, but she did. She probably just thought that this nameless child was behaving like a brat. Now I too, have been guilty of this before. Before having children, if a child that I believed was acting rambunctiously hollered out, or said something unsolicited.......I ignored it. Of course, I wouldn't want to encourage that type of behavior. (snarl, snarl) Miss L couldn't figure out why the teacher didn't speak to her. We told her that without her costume she probably didn't realize that she was one of the dance students. Miss L then stated....with MUCH attitude....."She needs to rec-o-nize me!" (Imagine one hand on her hip and the other hand waving a finger in the air)

Miss L wasn't acting up...she was just excited. VERY EXCITED. I think she felt like a star. When her regular teacher passed by Miss L said "Hi". This teacher stopped and spoke to her. After speaking with Miss L, she came over to where her daddy and I were sitting as well as my parents. "I can not believe that she is talking so much. She has been in class since August and she is always so quiet. This is the most she has ever said!"

Maybe all this stardom is going to her head.

Either way, in our eyes she IS a star. And even if she didn't steal the show, she definitely stole our hearts.

Prayer Request

"That girl" passed away this weekend. Any and all prayers for her family would be appreciated.

Saturday, December 02, 2006

We had snow much fun....

Friday we recieved the first substantial snowfall in three years. Since Miss L was eight months old at the time, this was essentially her first snow.

Thursday she waited anxiously for the snows arrival, only to be dismayed that sleet was all that was falling from the sky. If I had heard her ask "Momma, when is the snow coming?" once, I had heard it a hundred times. As evening was drawing near, I told Miss L that although I was unsure of the exact time...I was fairly certain that once she woke in the morning there would be snow on the ground. That was all the encouragement she needed. At 5:45 pm, Miss L was sawing logs and wouldn't even wake for supper or her favorite show, "Searl"........


Of course, the first thing she did upon waking yesterday morning was look out the window. "Oh.....it snowed.... LETS GO GET READY!" Of course the fact that it was not even yet 7:00 am AND it was 11 degrees outside, did little to curb her enthusiasm. I finally told her we would go play ....a little later.


My sister Sarah and her boyfriend, Jason, showed up and shortly thereafter, my cousin, Kelby and his wife, and my cousin, Corban arrived suited up ready to sled. Hubby was working on his tractor to be able to feed hay so he agreed to take Mr. B with him. The rest of us got ready and headed for the hills......which wasn't far, just to the end of our driveway.




We all took turning sledding down the hill. Miss L loved it. Kelby let her sit in front of him and away they sped. But times are a changin'. Back when I was young we huffed and puffed to the top of the hill and then began the process all over again. But not now.... no, now we take the Ranger (an oversized four-wheeler) and go pick up the sledders and give rides back to the top of the hill. Can you say LAZY? Oh well. Fun was had by all.



Later that evening, Miss L wanted to play more. So I being the SUPER mommy I am, donned the sexy coveralls that used to be my dad's and played in the snow. We jumped in piles of snow, we crawled through it, we made "roads" with our footprints.....and of course we made snow angels.




I think that these are my best snow angels made to date.







Friday, December 01, 2006

Thursday, November 30, 2006

Where oh where has my little dog gone?


Last night the temperature was dropping fast. I pulled in the garage on a mission. Let's get in the house and settled in to watch the approaching storm. Crazy, I know.
Today, my husband came in and said, "Have you seen Daisy?"
Me: "Now that you mention it, I haven't."
Him: "Did you see her last night?"
Me: "I don't think so....",
Him: "I can't find her."
I had just assumed that she was in her doghouse all settled down in her comfy bed of hay. She hates the cold weather. She was hit by a car 7 years ago and was lucky to have survived. She broke her hip and hates the cold weather and since then she would burrow down in her warm little house. But she wasn't there. In fact, she was nowhere to be found.

And she still hasn't been found. And something deep in my gut says she won't be. I am hoping she is at our neighbors, who is my uncle, tucked away in his barn. But we called and he hasn't seen her. And I don't think any of us will, ever again.

Maybe there was a misunderstanding of sorts....


I wanted snow...not ice. As I am typing sleet is falling out of the sky like rain. Great! I am supposed to go into work tomorrow. I bet the road conditions will be terrific. Especially if the 12" of snow that was predicted shows up.....just a little behind schedule. On top of that many people are out of power. But, I, the super funeral home assistant must report for duty. People don't stop dying just because of a little winter storm.......

Wednesday, November 29, 2006

HHHHHHEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Is anybody out there? Anonymous, surely at least you are out there. Somewhere? Anybody?

Let It Snow! Let It Snow! Let It Snow!

Oh the weather outside is frightful....... Well, not really. The weather outside is 71 degrees. That is right, 71 degrees. It is November 29, and it feels like spring. HOWEVER, It looks like we are in for it. And truthfully, I am glad.




Tonight it is supposed to drop to below freezing and we are to receive an onslaught on sleet and snow. In fact, the weatherman says our area should be ready for up to 12". YEAH! The last time that it snowed substantially, Miss L was 8 months old. This will be, essentially, her first snow. I AM SO EXCITED!

Tuesday, November 28, 2006

Second letter to Kid

Dear Kid Rock,

I knew that eventually you would come to your senses. I mean, really, Pamela doesn't have anything over me.... OK, OK, Maybe she is blond and has big.......eyes. But that is it.

Upon hearing of your divorce I knew right away that the timing was not coincidental. You filing papers when I am celebrating my anniversary....too ironic, don't you think? Was the jealousy just eating you up? You couldn't take it could you.....thinking about me and Steven was too much for you. But I ask you this, "How do you think I have felt these last four months?" Here you were having wedding after wedding. It seemed almost as if you did it to rub it in my face.

Thankfully for you, Kid, I have a forgiving nature. I, make that we ,can overcome this. It seems like you are on the right track now. Just call me. I will be waiting.

Love, Kim

--you may remember me as Miss Timber....but you can call me whatever you want.

Monday, November 27, 2006

Reasons I love my sister....

  • She is so fun to be around.

She has a great sense of humor.

She is a........ loving, um, scratch that...... mean aunt to my kids. (She relentlessly torments them...it is her mission in life)

She has a big heart.

She is 10 years younger than me, so she will be able to pluck my stray facial hairs when I get too old to see them.

She is beautiful. (Can't you tell from the picture.....thank me later, Sarah)

She is my ONLY sister/sibling....I don't have a choice.

I have never met someone so much like myself....yet so different.

We can finish each others sentences.

We constantly say the same things simultaneously, without even meaning to.

She loves pizza.

She used to want to dress JUST like me.....

HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY, Sarah!

This is what you get for saying I never mention you in my posts. I love you.

6 years and counting.....

14 years if you count the time we dated. Yep, 14 years. Almost half of my life. In fact, in 2008 I will be 32 and Steven and I will have been together 16 years...exactly half my life. WOW! Who would have thought that I would be married to the first guy I ever dated? This isn't something I would push for my son or daughter to do. But for us, at least, it worked. I guess I got lucky.

However, my suspicions about us being two boring individuals who rely on their children for entertainment were confirmed this past weekend. Saturday was our anniversary. Now first off let me tell you that the early part of the day was spent in a VERY romantic way.......yep, you guessed it.....loading up wood. (Isn't that your idea of foreplay?) We loaded wood for us and then we went and got a second load for my uncle (our neighbor) since he had recently had surgery and was unable to cut wood for his outdoor wood stove. Then my hubby used his leaf blower to strategically align the leaves in a wind row. After the kids enjoyed their romp in the leaves, we lit them and let them burn.

After completing the rest of our "chores" we made our way in the house to get gussied up for our big night out on the town. My mom had agreed to watch the kids so we could have a romantic evening alone. (I can count the times we have had a night alone this past year on one...yes one..hand. I would probably even have fingers left over....) We dropped off the kids and headed to town for a nice dinner.

The first two places we stopped had an hour wait. We were not up for this. The third place was new....but we had heard good things about it. Rodizio...here we come. This was not our typical restaurant stop....but it was a good experience and we had a lot of good laughs. We try to have adult conversation but it always came back to "Miss L did this" and "Mr. B did this"...... What can I say, we are lost without our kids.

We ate tooooooooooo much and didn't even have room for dessert. We were going to go see a movie but nothing sounded good to me. We headed home. Yep, a night alone and we were back home at 8:30. EIGHT THIRTY!!!!! We even debated going to get the kids. But nope. This is our alone time.... This is important for couples to remain strong.

So, I thought "It's our anniversary....we are alone.....you can oversleep in the morning..... Get in there and be a good, make that bad....very bad wife." So I lock myself in the bathroom and dust off one of my little nighties....get all prepped up, cover up with a robe to add to the element of surprise and head back into the living room. I start cozy-ing up to him....making all the right moves. He leans over and whispers in my ear........with a groan.......

"I am so full."

WHAT?!? Did I hear you right? You are FULL? TOO full to make whoopie? You have got to be kidding. Here I am ready and willing.....and you are too full?

"In the morning he promised.."

FINE, I said....in the morning, all the while thinking..."but in the morning my hair will be messed up, I won't have make-up on......AND I am definitely NOT sleeping in THIS sexy little-translate, very uncomfortable-number."

Morning rolls around and we are awakened by a call, a very early call, from my sister. "Mom has the flu, I am bringing the kids home right now."

Sorry honey......

The moral of the story is: When opportunity (or your wife) comes knocking............ well, you know the rest.

So as to commemorate our anniversary, here is our engagement picture....... "We've come a long way baby."

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

My thoughts today.....

  1. Why do people complain about how "cold" it is....when it is November 21, 2006 at 60+ degrees?
  2. Some people are just not happy.
  3. I wonder how many calories the Cashew Chicken I ate for lunch had in it.
  4. Probably not as many calories as I am going to consume on Thursday.
  5. Why is my face breaking out again....I am not 15 anymore.....
  6. I wonder if my hubby will do anything for me on our 6 year anniversary....?????
  7. I am excited about going to see "The Best Christmas Pageant Ever" at the "historic" theater.
  8. I wonder which character I will be in love with this time.....Aren't they all little kids?
  9. Why have all my blogging buddies.....Becca, Chad, Exambo, Sharn Jean and LizardTamer quit blogging? Why do I continue on? For my own amusement???? Only two others (thanks TSK and TMS!) even occasionally read this. Becca and Jeff read via email alerts.....but I never get responses........ Yep. I guess it is for my own amusement.
  10. I think I am boring. I read other blogs and I even occasionally respond....but nope. No one responds to me.
  11. I wonder who will be the two main canidates running for the Presidential race in 2008.
  12. I wonder if I will like ANY of them.
  13. Am I hard to please?
  14. Mr. B needs a haircut....AGAIN.....but he will probably look like a ragmuffin when I pick him up from the sitter. I will have to get one some other day.
  15. What should I do for the mailman for Christmas? Never before have I done anything and I feel like I should....
  16. Maybe I will bake cookies.
  17. Who shot Carmen Mesta?
  18. Will I buy anything with mom when we go shopping tomorrow?
  19. Have you ever known someone who is sick/tired/hurting.....every time you see them?
  20. My feet stink......
  21. How old will Miss L be when she stops wearing only her underwear to bed because she wants to "be like daddy"?
  22. Should I make Steven start wearing frilly pajamas to remedy that situation?
  23. I HOPE EVERYONE HAS A GREAT THANKSGIVING!

Our meal time prayer.....by Miss L


Dear Jesus God,
Please be safe. Be with the people in the airplanes and be with their fambilies. Keep them safe. Jesus God, be with the dogs and the cows and Daisy and Rowdy and mommy and Mr. B and daddy and our fambily. Don't let daddy work too hard. Please be with that girl and don't let her fambily cry and be sad. AMEN!

Interpretation that everyone BUT God probably needs:

I am not sure where the "Jesus God" came from, but when she prays they are ALWAYS said together....never separate. I don't know if she thinks it is a first and last name.....

I thinks she means to keep everyone safe????? Not sure.... Either way, "Please be safe".

Ever since I can remember when my mom would see a Lifeline Helicopter she would always stop and tell my sister and I to pray for whoever was in it because they needed our prayers, because obviously they were either really sick or really hurt. Evidently, she also said this to Miss L a few months ago. Ever since Miss L has stopped whatever she was doing outside or inside and immediately prayed for the people in, what she used to call, planecopters. Miss L does not discriminate. No Way! We pray for people in helicopters and people in planes......you name it. It need not be a Lifeline to receive our prayers........ Anyone who is flying the friendly skies receives our families prayers each night at the supper table.

"That girl" is someone that although we haven't been long time friends with, she has left a mark on our hearts. She married a classmate of mine and worked at the Photography Studio that I get the kids pictures made at. She is someone that after you have met her once, you feel like you have known her forever. Each time you see her you are greeted by name and she always spreads such warmth and happiness. She was diagnosed with breast cancer and they have given her less than 3 months to live....she is, I believe, barely 40. She has two boys...one in high school and another that is around 6 or 7 years old. Miss L heard us talking about this and has now included her in her prayers...... I would be grateful if you would too.

Monday, November 20, 2006

As the dance recital draws near....

I honestly can't say that I have seen much change in Miss L's dancing ability. Now don't get me wrong, I am as proud as any parent out there and I could care less if she is a prima ballerina....I mean really.....I milked cows when I was young. My daughter could grow up to be a P.E. teacher and would still be more feminine than I was. (I feel the need to mention the fact that I had no choice in the cow milking department.......) But honestly... Each class is like the one the week before.
  • There is a little girl who refuses to do anything and sits on the floor crying for her mommy.....(Sad at first......OLD, OLD, OLD now! Seriously! We are into the third month of dance class.....stop bringing her OR grab her by the neck and tell her to SHUT UP! Now! Just kidding...sort of.....Whatever works.)
  • There is an even "little-er" girl that runs around doing her own dance interpretation. She, unlike little girl #1, is an absolute doll.
  • There is one little girl that wants to look like the other little girls so bad......I can just feel it....but her mother insists on dressing her in an obnoxiously huge, stiff looking tutu. It is twice the size of the little girl. It resembles a mesh monster getting ready to swallow her up....starting with her torso.
  • The rest of the girls are much like Miss L. They do some ballet steps here and there, throw in a little hokey, pokey.....then they "get all steamed up" and get down with arm movements that look like a cross between a teapot and Mr. Roboto.

After the "ballet" portion of dance class we move onto the tumbling. Miss L definately deserves a "most improved" medal. She went from doing a somersalt that veered to the left, entangling her dance tights with the velcro on the mat, to doing a somersalt worthy of a "10". ***Any problems with the tights brings on an immediate melt down and must be avoided at all costs. This includes dirt on them, velcro snags, and the dreaded hole by the toe.****

Tap is next.....and let me tell you.... this is a class favorite. What kid doesn't like to make noise? It is a very unorganized group doing random "shuffle step, step ball change....." you get the picture.

My thought is this: Do you think that in TWO more dance classes they can have it all whipped into shape to perform in the Nutcracker as Snowflakes???? The name "Nutcracker" alone brings fear to even the purist of hearts. Isn't this the Christmas performance of all Christmas performances???

You know what? Now that I think about it snowflakes are random, unique, and "dance" to a tune that only they can hear, kind of like these kids. Maybe it WILL be worth the outrageously expensive costume after all. I mean, who can resist a three year old in a white leotard and tutu with sparkles......dancing around on the stage like a snowflake. Not me. Nope, definately not me!

It really is kind of fun......

All of us has been there.... you are going through your inbox and there it is. The "Getting to know your friends" survey. You get them monthly at least. The questions are the same..
  • what kind of car do you drive?
  • when was the last time you cried?
  • who do you think will respond the quickest?

blah, blah, blah...... But I have to admit...although I get tired of filling out the same questions (and sometimes I don't), I really do enjoy reading others answers. Sometimes they are the usual....but sometimes, just sometimes, someone pulls a fast one on you and you actually learn something about them that you didn't know before.

The latest in this line of emails is a "Holiday Edition" of Getting to Know Your Friends. And I have to admit, no holds barred, I really have enjoyed reading everyones answers. It has almost been as much fun as opening a present from each one of them. So here goes...... Here are the questions.... Answer as many or as few as you like. But know this, each one you answer is like a little gift to me. 'Tis the season.

  1. Egg Nog or Hot Chocolate?
  2. Does Santa wrap presents or just sit them under the tree?
  3. Colored lights on tree/house or just white?
  4. Do you hang mistletoe?
  5. When do you put up your decorations?
  6. What is your favorite holiday dish, (not dessert)?
  7. Favorite holiday memory as a child?
  8. When and how did you learn the truth about Santa?
  9. Do you open a gift on Christmas Eve?
  10. How do you decorate your Christmas tree?
  11. Snow! Love it or dread it?
  12. Can you ice skate?
  13. Do you remember your favorite gift?
  14. What's the most important thing about the holidays for you?
  15. What is your favorite holiday dessert?
  16. What is your favorite holiday tradition?
  17. What tops your tree?
  18. Which do you prefer, giving or receiving?
  19. What is your favorite Christmas song?
  20. Candy Canes! Yuck or Yum?

I will post again with my answers and some the ones that gave me warm fuzzy feelings....(If anyone cares...)

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

Do you know where you are going......??????

I do. I am in. Or in "his" words, "I am ok". Maybe I should have had him sign something. You know, so that when I arrived at the pearly gates, I could show St. Peter......."he said I was OK, here is the proof."

"He" is a guy at Becca's work. And let me start off by saying, his heart is in the right place, but his "witnessing" could use a little fine tuning.

Not long after we had received our meal we were approached by a co-worker of Becca's with whom I am unfamiliar. "Hi Becca, I am going to sit down with you guys, I am lonely" OK, I thought....why not. Immediately after we were introduced and had concluded our small talk about what we had ordered for lunch, he invited Becca to church with him that evening. She said "no". He then asked me. In my annoying way of trying to overcome and be too nice say "no", but then offer a ten paragraph (not really) explanation of why I can't. I mean, come on, Becca. Be nice to this guy. Why was she so direct....? --I found out why.

I, out of this unexplained feeling of obligation, asked where he went to church. (first mistake) He informed me he went to the Assembly of God church and we commenced to having small talk about his preacher.....nice guy.....blah, blah, blah. I, working at the funeral home, have met most of the local preachers and was somewhat familiar with him. Becca's co-worker then told me about a guest speaker they had been having and how awesome he was. He even had a faith healing service. With further conversation he spoke about his church and faith healing, speaking in tongues, rolling around on the floor, and the use of serpents (which he said his church didn't do) Becca voiced her skepticism and I agreed. We both believe that God can make anything happen.....but neither of us had ever been exposed to this.......

He then asked Becca if she went to church...she said "no". And then, (and I felt condescendingly) put his arm around her and hammered her with more questions...LOTS of questions. She finally stated to him that she "did not want to discuss religion with him"....he acted wounded and continued on. I took issue with this and immediately came to her "rescue", which I am sure she did not need. I explained that Becca did indeed have a good relationship with God and....the short version....to nicely back off.

This of course brought to life that I am Catholic......GASP! After discussing different aspects of our faith, I recounted a story about two ministers that I overheard talking about Heaven while at work one day. This story depicted what I believe. The ministers, both of different faiths, stated that they agreed that Heaven was like town A and earth like town B. There were many ways to get to town A from town B. The roads were representative of Christianity and all of the different religions. For instance, you could take the interstate, a combination of highways, the outer road, even back roads could get you there. The point being that there were many different ways, ie. different religious beliefs, about God and the admittance into Heaven. There is not one faith that holds the only road. "He" then asked me what road I was taking. (I think poking fun at my analogy.) I stated "the interstate, the shortest and fastest route....I am Catholic, after all." I was just joking..of course, with a guy who probably didn't find any humor in the situation. He was after all, trying to save me.

He asked me what I believed. Instead of rattling off "Our Profession of Faith", I loosely recounted the prayer that I have seen at the bottom of hundreds of mass emails......"God is the source of my existence. Without Him I am nothing, with Him I can do anything through Christ that strengthens me." It was me reciting this email prayer that lifted the burden of worrying about my soul from his shoulders. He told me....."You are OK, now please forward this to 10 people in 30 seconds or you will have bad luck for a year.....and then you will go to hell." OK, OK, OK......I made up the last part. He just said "You are OK" and I am truly glad that he thinks so.

Wednesday, November 08, 2006

The true test of friendship

I love my friends. They are the people in my life that lift me up and keep me sane. They let me laugh (or gripe) about the day to day trials of marriage and parenting that everyone goes through. I don't know what I would do without them. In fact, I still talk to many of my friends almost daily. Most through phone calls. It sounds almost high-schoolish..... but a necessary release in my life.

And since my life is very busy, I, unlike my husband, multi-task while on the phone. I have done everything from fix supper, to working in my flower beds, burn the trash, feed the chickens.....to the ultimate act of phone conversation multi-tasking that can occur. Thats right.....I have even used the restroom. What can I say. It happens. You are in the middle of a conversation, the urge hits.....I mean, its not like they can see me......right? I know that a few of my friends have even shared this "priveledge" with me. I call it a priveledge because I believe that you have to be at a pretty high point on the friendship ladder for this to happen between two friends.

A few months ago, I was on the phone (at work) with Jeff. I was talking to him about Becky or who knows what...... (our conversations seem to snowball) I was at work and was doing what I do at work.......all the while operating on autopilot for the most part.......when a sound brought me back to reality. By 'reality', I mean the state where one is becomes conscious of what they are doing and where they are going, as opposed to just "going through the motions".

YOU GUESSED IT.

The sound was the toilet flushing. In that moment, Jeff propelled up the ladder from being someone that I shared an occasional phone conversation with to taking a place at the top of the "friendship ladder" with some of my closest friends, whether he wanted to go there or not. I couldn't believe what I had just done. HE couldn't believe what I had just done. I busted out laughing....... I mean really, what could I/he say at that point...???????

Friday, November 03, 2006

Go ahead and say it......I am a dork

I climbed into my car at noon in a good mood, ready for lunch. I started up my vehicle and lunch got even better. "Livin' on a Prayer" by Bon Jovi was on the radio....."Once upon a time, not so long ago." I turned the volume way up and traveled on to pick up my lunch date. As I was going down the "main drag" I noticed traffic backing up near a prominent intersection.

"What is going on?" I was thinking to myself.....all the while singing (at the top of my lungs) "Whoa-a, we're half-way there....Who-a, livin' on a pray-er". I realized that someone had decided to have a "garage" sale on the grass about three foot from the road and everyone was slowing down to see what all the commotion was about. After assessing the items for sale I determined that unless you were in the market for a run-down push lawnmower, or some over-used kid toys, you were out of luck. So I continued on....."Take my heart and we'll make it I swear..."

What, you have to be kidding. The two cars in front of me were pulling off the road. "What could they possibly want to buy at that sale?" It is at this point that I am hearing a note that I haven't ever noticed before in the song "Livin' On a Prayer".....Is this a different version?????Am I getting ready to be hit by a train????What is this noise????? I then decide to turn down the radio as well as my awesome lead vocals and find out what in the world is going on. THERE IT IS AGAIN......What is that noise???? Finally I looked into my rear view mirror and horror of all horrors, there behind me is the source of the noise. An AMBULANCE.....sirens roaring...blaring its horn at me. THIS IS WHY THE PEOPLE IN FRONT OF ME PULLED OFF....NOT THE FREAKING "GARAGE" SALE. I am such an idiot. Although this all transpired in the span of 5 seconds, I put up a fervent prayer that no one died because they didn't make it to the hospital on time.

I will just wait for them to mail me my ticket.

Wednesday, November 01, 2006

Halloween has come and gone.....

and Miss L loved it.

Last night she asked me if we could trick-or-treat tonight or "maybe Thursday".....I said no, next year. This morning, on the way to the baby sitter, she asked me if she could go again, "next time"? I said, yes, next year. She said, "OK.....thank you." As if I had done her a favor of sorts. She is so polite....and funny. I love my kids.

Wednesday, October 04, 2006

Does anyone know these people?

I went on my lunch hour and picked up prints that I had uploaded to Wal-Mart.com to be shipped to my local Wal-Mart. Upon returning to work I looked at my pictures to find this one. I immediately suspected something when I noticed it was a 5x7--and I didn't order any of that size. I looked and looked some more and I am quite sure that I have no idea who these people are. Apparently they had uploaded something as well and somewhere in cyberspace or in the big Wal-Mart photo center in the sky, they got added to my pics.

They look like a nice couple, yet I don't know who they are? Do you? Any ideas on who they are or where they are? This could be fun.....

Monday, October 02, 2006

My brain hurts.......

Today I was bored. Extremely bored. Last night my husband was talking about "the smartest person in the world". At least that is what this guy has been dubbed. Apparently this individual has a 200 IQ, could talk at 6 months old, read at 3 years and when he entered school they started him in the 4th grade.

This got me thinking back to the last time I was bored at work, and Princess told me about a free IQ test. I took it, and I wasn't sure if I even remembered my score right, or where my score fell in the IQ realm. So today, in all my boredom, I took another IQ test. WOW! I haven't worked my brain that much in years. Can you burn calories just by thinking hard? If so, I have had quite a work out. I exercised parts of my brain that have laid dormant for years. It was kinda fun. I would recommend it..... if you had nothing else to do.

Friday, September 29, 2006

Ok, I will admit it.......

I have a weird fascination and/or attraction. I can remember having it as far back as the fifth grade. I have a thing for guys in the performing arts. There. It is out in the open. For most this wouldn't be any big deal. But, for me, it doesn't fit in to my normal attractions.

I am attracted to, and am married to, a very rough around the edges kind of guy. A self assured, quiet at times, funny, hard-working, family man. A man in theatre, generally isn't considered the blue collar type. However.........

it all began in the fifth grade during the Sound of Music production put on by our high school. A senior, Brad, played Mr. Vontrap. Now, I have no prior knowledge of Brad, but after seeing him in the play.......I LOVED Brad. I thought he was the greatest. And sexy too. Same goes to the lead in "Into the Woods" played by a kid, 6 years my junior. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME? I was a married woman and he was still in high school. Is it the lights? Is it the make-up? Is it the singing and dancing?

This phenomenom happens EVERYTIME I see a live production. Regardless of content. Case in point..... Last night, a group of girls including my mom and sister, went and saw "The Full Monty". You guessed it. Sucked in.....completely. Jerry had me hanging on his every.......word. And I am pretty sure it wasn't the lights, the make-up, or the singing and dancing THIS time!!!! (I am just kidding....I kill me!)

Friday, September 22, 2006

Get your kicks.....

Last night my husband and I were watching TV with the kids. As men will do, he surfed through all the channels and stopped on the local public televsion channel. My husband normally never stops on any channel-he just continually wathes a little here, a little there....so the fact that he stopped intrigued me. Apparently there was a special on "Route 66". First, I must say we aren't car enthusiasts or even historians searching out the lost stories of Route 66, but we did stop to listen and learn about this apparent "international tourist attraction" that is located in such close proximity to us.

This show stated that their are an abundance of people from overseas who come to the United States to travel the "Mother Road". There must be something that I am missing. I travel over 10 miles of this famous stretch of highway almost everyday. I must admit that some of the stories and locations pointed out by this documentary were interesting, but I would have never guessed they were interesting on an international scale. Now, my husband is all for loading up and traveling this stretch from St. Louis to Joplin, just to see what it has on it.....maybe it would be fun. I am not sure that I am quite on board with this....

When and if, I relent, I say let's do this on a huge scale. Let's go the full route. Los Angeles to Chicago..... with two small kids, I am sure it would be fun.

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

Am I the only one,

or does anyone else have trouble decoding the text to prevent spammers? Maybe I am just a loser.

Monday, September 18, 2006

The devil is picking on me.......seriously.

This weekend we had Mr. B baptized. There has been a lot of problems that arose leading up to the baptism.

This isn't the first time..... Rewind two and a half years to the day Miss L was to get baptized, as we were heading out the door to go to the church she vomited and had diarrhea, simultaneously. Great! Needless to say, they held church up for us and we ended up being (only?) 5 minutes late.

As you can imagine, this time I started getting ready 2 1/2 hours ahead of time. I kept telling my hubby "We are not going to be late. We are leaving early. We are going to be prepared!" Yeah, I know. You can already see this coming.

We all got ready and looked the part of the perfect little family, which we are not. Miss L in her little gymboree outfit, new socks, shoes and pretty pink bow. Mr. B looked dashing in his khaki pants and white button down shirt with his little brown leather shoes. Steven, well he spiffed up pretty well, too. As we were getting ready to load up, Mr. B was a little hungry. I gave him a cracker and let him be. Hubby said, "maybe we should take the shirt off and put it on when we get to the church, that way it doesn't get wrinkled OR dirty from the cracker." GREAT IDEA! So he removes said shirt and I continue packing the essentials.....cereal in a little baggy to feed him throughout church when he gets fussy, books, quiet toys, a bib for the meal with family afterwards, wipes, extra diapers and so on..... We load up and leave the house just under 30 minutes prior to the service.

We arrive in town about 7 minutes prior to the service and I comment that we aren't arriving any too early. "No" he says, "maybe you should start getting him ready". I say "I can't really do that because I would have to take him out of the carseat, I will just wait till we stop, but I will get the shirt ready.... WAIT, where did you put the shirt?" Steven says..."I didn't get the shirt, I thought that you got the shirt..." (Here is where all perfect parents will say, "You should've packed another set of clothes...blah, blah, blah...... OK ALREADY)

This is where and when I had my nervous breakdown.

Long story, sorta short, I called my sister who was waiting for us at the church and told her to run to the local Super Wal-Mart and get him a white button down shirt.....pronto. I went in with Miss L and Steven and Mr. B stayed behind in the truck waiting for a new shirt. I left instructions for them to all come into the back of the church and go into the cry room. Since they didn't have to come into the sanctuary, no one would be the wiser, they would just think they were in the cry room all along. I told the priest that Steven and Mr. B were regrouping and that they would be in the cry room. "No problem," he said, " as long as they are here at end of the mass....it will be fine."

This did little to calm my nerves. I entered into the sanctuary and sat down, seeking comfort and solace from my mom. I quickly recounted why Mr. B and Steven weren't with me. After I filled them in I said, "Can you believe this?'

"Yes, I can" says my mom and gives me a (nice?) little smile.

You have to love family.....they just lift you up when you need it most.

Friday, September 15, 2006

Things that make me happy.......

1. the smell of my kids after baths.
2. getting a new purse and transfering the items from one, over to the other.
3. rearranging furniture
4. being with my family...even though they drive me nuts.
5. hearing the laughter of my children.
6. looking out and seeing our freshly mowed yard.
7. a clean vehicle.
5. a clean house, with laundry done, and everything in its place. (even clean sheets on the beds)
6. picnics
7. spending time alone with each child, so as to bond with them individually. I don't get to do this often enough.
8. good music, turned up and singing along.
9. girl time with friends.
10.hearing my husband laugh......
11. red velvet cake
13. getting into your "skinny" jeans
14. witnessing selfless acts
15. a good hair day
16. crisp autumn nights
17. weanie roasts
18. the sound of tree frogs at night
19. nachos and pizza
20. organization
21. freshly painted toenails
22. stormy nights, without tornadoes, enjoyed from the safety of my home. (not on a mountain)
23. Mr. B trying to jump
24. Miss L telling wild stories
25.changing the ring on my cell phone
26. Sunday's
27. my moms' homemade ice cream
28. the way my kids look when they are sleeping
29. cherry vanilla Dr. Pepper at Sonic
30. watching my kids play (without them killing each other)
31. looking at old photographs
32. vacations with family
33. feeling like I have "connected" with someone
34. secretly watching Miss L during her ballet/tap/jazz dance classes
35. a good pen that writes well.
36. big family get-togethers, with everyone present. (Even the people you really don't like.)
37. running into someone I have at some point felt inferior to, and leave them feeling like I've turned out pretty well after all, and that they aren't all that I thought they were.
38. the enthusiasm of others.
39. pretty things.
40. completing something that I've put off doing
41. Putting money into savings
42. watching newborn baby calves on their wobbly legs
43. watching our dogs chasing each other and taking turns who is "it"
44. watching our (outdoor) cat try and nurse our Austrailian Shepherd, Rowdy.
****side note-I just this moment realized that this is the second animal on our "ranch" that is confused as to what species of animal it belongs. Do you think it is in the water? Maybe I should have the well tested, and the ponds.....****
45. watching Miss L give Mr. B rides on the gator all over the yard.
46. knowing that my kids are loved beyond belief and that I will do my very best to provide the best life possible for them.
47. Katie Couric no longer being on the Today show.
48. Star Jones no longer being on The View
49. knowing that my husband will forever keep me from taking life too seriously
50. meals that I don't have to fix

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

I need to call the exterminator back....

apparently we have a pest that he didn't get rid of. Thelizardtamer's husband is in pest control. Having this connection has allowed us to have our house treated the last two years. It has been really effective at keeping the spiders out and the tick population in our yard down. However, last night Miss L informed me that we have a problem. Apparently the exterminators mix doesn't get rid of witches.

"A witch threw me off the house."
"What?" I said.
"A witch had me on top of the house and threw me off on to the concrete in front of the garage."

She explained to us a lot of detail about the witch. Apparently she has black teeth and black ears and black legs and blue arms. Oh yes, she also has orange hair and wears a ball cap with a single ponytail pulled through the opening in the back. "It looks really pretty." Miss L said.

According to Miss L, her and the witch had peanut butter sandwiches up on the roof prior to the incident. She also had tea with fish swimming in the glasses and plants with worms in them. She told her father and me that if we saw the witch that we were to shoot her in the forest or run over her with the car. She also said that the witch has been following her daddy to work every morning in her little car the goes "really fast". Steven said that he had never seen her. Miss L explained that was because he went "super fast" and the witch only went "really fast". She 9the witch) was behind him.

It is amazing that she has no bumps or bruises for being thrown off our roof onto the concrete.

Where does she come up with this stuff?

Monday, September 11, 2006

You will never believe.....

If there is one thing that is certain, it is that we all will one day die. This excludes no one. As a result of this, my job allows interaction with (or at the very least, observance of) all walks of life.
These are a few of the things I have learned since working at a funeral home.

  1. Short overalls with high-heels are appropriate funeral attire.
  2. Bib overalls are appropriate funeral attire.
  3. Smoke breaks taken during the funeral are acceptable.
  4. Big convenient store cups full of your favorite fountain drink seems to be the choice beverage of several funeral attendees. (all from same family)
  5. You never know when you might need your four-wheeler, so having one loaded up in the back of your pickup truck while in the funeral procession is, you guessed it, acceptable.
  6. Since everyone feels the crunch for time, multi-tasking is essential. Hence, the family that beat the hearse to the cemetery and whipped a weed-eater out of the trunk of their car to shape up some of the weeds around the family monuments. Of course, as propriety would demand, the gentleman killed the weed eater in time to walk over, pick up his space at the side of the casket, and continue on as a pall-bearer.
  7. As one grief stricken individual read a poem at his loved ones funeral he stated, "...... and if you are in hell, then I would go right down there and bring you back again." OK, that is a nice thought.
  8. I even get to experience diversity with a co-worker of mine. Yes, you have heard about her before. A few weeks ago she said this to me, and I quote, "If I knew then what I know now about the funerals, I would have just been cremated." Ummm, OK? Need I say more?.....
  9. George Jones, Waylon Jennings, Lynard Skynard, AC/DC, Aerosmith, Guns N Roses....are the choice musical talent showcased at many services. Seriously. There is no discrimination.
  10. Bringing in your favorite snack.....ex: candybar, suckers, and/or chips, go nicely with the big gulp mentioned in #4 and help hold off any hunger pangs that might come during the funeral while waiting for the post-funeral luncheon. ( I told my boss that we could make a million putting in a snack bar. Unfortunately this little snack attack phenomenom is only prevalent in one family. One very large, backwoods family.)
  11. If I had a dollar for the number of people who say, "How do you work there? Doesn't it freak you out?" I could retire now. I tell them that in this day and age, it is the live people that freak me out.
That is all for now......maybe more thoughts as they come.

Wednesday, September 06, 2006

So the question is..............

How much money would you have to be shorted before you would call the cashier on it? Two pennies, a nickel, a quarter? Name your price.

For me, probably a nickel....... maybe more. I am not sure.

so sad....

On Monday my sister called me with the sad news.

"Did you hear?" she said.
"Hear what?" I replied.
"The crocodile hunter is dead".

I was so saddened by this. After some soul searching I decided that the "crocodile hunter" brought back feelings to me of a bygone era. When I was a child, Saturday mornings were not necessarily highlighted by cartoons, but rather the "Mutual of Omaha, Wild Kingdom" with Marlin Perkins.

I loved the show, I loved the man. I think that Steve Irwin was the closest thing that this generation had to Marlin Perkins. I was entranced when his show came on and I found that I could still experience the warm fuzzy childhood feelings that a Saturday morning brought with it.

A penny saved is a penny earned......

Twice now, while paying cash for something, I have been owed a penny back-and haven't gotten it. For instance, the bill was $4.99 and I gave them a $5. Both times I was just thanked and the cashier went on about their business. Now I am not such a stickler that I needed the penny back, and I didn't say anything to the cashier.....but I did feel like they could of at least ASKED me if I wanted it. After all, it was MINE.

What has happened to us? Are we so above saving our pennies....? In todays world with debit cards/credit cards/checks/etc have we lost sight of the fact that 100 pennies is what a dollar is made of? It isn't some intangible figure floating around in our checkbook register. Times are a changing.... Pluto no longer a planet.... and eventually the penny will be no more.

I am done sounding pathetic now.... All of this because I wasn't asked if I wanted my penny back.

Friday, September 01, 2006

More of the blahs....

Someone shake me out of this. I can not get motivated to be inspired by ANYTHING. I want to be, but I am just not. Help me! Inspire me! Give me some topic to comment on....write about or at the very least ponder. This is making the post I deleted about going to the gynecologist look like a literary masterpiece.

Wednesday, August 30, 2006

A bad case of the blahs

I really want to blog today and be witty and full of fun.....but I have a major case of the blahs. I think that this has been brought on by my husbands' cold and my childrens' allergies.

Apparently after four consecutive nights of intermittent sleep....it starts to catch up with you. As for now, there is no light at the end of the tunnel. Nope. The babysitter just called and she claims Mr. B has been up ALL day (no nap) and has been coughing his head off. GREAT! Why, OH WHY, do my children have such bad allergies? I thought since I have them so bad that it was like "taking one for the team", and my children would be passed over. Apparently not.

Does anyone have a good remedy for the blah's?

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

Maybe eBay


Several months ago I received a call from my mom. Apparently they had a baby calf that wasn't thriving. Not sure if the mother didn't have enough milk or what..... The calf was ours for the taking provided we would bottle feed it and raise it to the age that it would then be sold. Of course, the proceeds from the calf would go to our kids' savings account.

We successfully bottle fed the calf and kids really enjoyed this twice daily chore. However, the time came prior to our trip to Colorado for the calf to be weaned. We turned it out into the pasture with our horses (all males) to graze away, growing and enjoying life.

Little did we know how much they would ALL begin enjoying life. Apparently the calf felt like it had been stripped away from its mother prematurely and still felt the NEED to nurse....and so it adopted the horses....and nurse it does. And since male horses don't have teats... well, you guessed it. They have definitely bonded. My husband jokes that this calf may indeed be "mans'" best friend.

I wonder how much I could get for it on eBay?

Never again...

Today is a turning point for me. Last night I received in the mail a letter from the Publishers Clearinghouse Sweepstakes. Apparently, I did not win the "Grand Prize Jackpot". Nope.... I am not sure who did, but it obviously wasn't me. In an effort to sweeten me up a little they offered me a "consolation prize". This consisted of 6 $400.00 coupons to be redeemed for specific items. FORGET THEM! I didn't want a "consolation prize". I wanted the real deal.

Never again will I flip through thousands of stickers looking for the appropriate ones to stick on the outside of the provided envelope....subsequently living with the taste of glue in my mouth for weeks on end. NOPE. NOT ME. I am done with the PCS.

I soooo should have won........................

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

Would you join me?

Has anyone heard of this before? A sales woman that used to frequent the funeral home called yesterday and stated that she has changed jobs and in the meantime she was doing "ear stapling". (First off I should state that this particular woman seems to have her stuff together, is poised, well educated....and so on.) I thought that I surely hadn't heard her right. She went ahead to tell me that a stainless steel "staple" is "stapled" into a specific pressure point (depending on your needs) of your ear. This is supposed to help with the following: stress relief, migranes, smoking cessation and weight loss. If your ear is staples for weight loss, on average a person will lose between 4 and 7 lbs a week. Of course, with everything, it doesn't work for everyone, but apparently has worked for many. The staple stays in for 5-6 weeks, as it becomes ineffective after this point, and is then removed. Sounds weird, but interesting.

Oh yeah, the really weird and out there part.......they do parties. You know, like home interior, tupperware, pampered chef, etc..... The hostess gets her ear stapled free. I am almost tempted to throw one. Would you come?

Monday, August 14, 2006

Pedi....cure?

I have always heard of people who clean their house before the cleaning lady comes.......

I have now fallen into a different, but similiar, category. I am among the leagues who don't get pedicures until their feet get......(well, for lack of a better word, I am throwing the English language to the wind and will say)........not so gross. Bad grammer, yes. Conveys the message...yes, again.

I received a gift certificate for a pedicure, facial and massage from my boss for my 30th birthday. I have been holding on to this for two reasons. 1.) I am busy and 2.) I am gross. This salon is in part owned by a girl I went to school with.... a rather perfect looking/acting girl, I went to school with.

I do not want her to see my nasty feet. Normally I think my feet are just fine and not really, what I would call, unattractive feet. However, last summer kicked off their annual summer molting. As I am typing this I can pull off hardened chunks of skin that have already starting peeling off. Hideous? yes! Gross? With out a doubt! But apparently not gross enough for me to get down to business and do some heavy duty maintenance and repair work.

I think I have an aversion to lotion. I definately have one to socks. Unless I am outside, and it is winter, I do not wear socks. And in order for me to put lotion on my feet, I would have to follow that up with socks......and I prefer to go bare footed inside..... But today, as I am peeling away layers I think that starting tonight I must overcome....and lotion up and put on socks as soon as arriving home. Then, maybe, my feet will become pedicure worthy.

Friday, August 11, 2006

Random thoughts, too

My kids are really cute and I love them alot. (just looked at a picture)

My eyes are watering so much lately that the skin around them is raw.

Why does my cousin go through cycles of "the silent treatment"?

I wonder when I will be able to afford the new entertainment center I want to (pretty much) complete my living room.

I hear the movie Talladega nights is really good.

My husband and I need a night out to the movies .

I think I will fix enchiladas for supper tonight.

I have my first major wrinkle and it is under my eye. It kinda makes it look puffy but it actually isn't, it is just wrinkled. I tried to blame it on the pink eye I caught a month ago, but I bet that isn't it.

Will I ever get that big wall in Miss L's room decorated? Should I try working with the old window from the auction.......and maybe add in the sign that says "Fairy Tales Really Do Come True" above it....... or just save my money for a mural. I don't know what else would go with antique furniture and a patchwork quilt???

Is is cruel to let your child believe that "fairy tales really do come true" when I haven't really seen any concrete evidence of that yet.

I know this has been asked before, but, WHY is there braille on drive-thru ATM's?

Wednesday, August 09, 2006

Why did the chicken cross the road??????

(I just received this in an email.......thought it was funny. )

DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize
that he must first deal with the problem on "THIS" side of the road
before it goes after the problem on the "OTHER SIDE" of the road. What
we need to do is help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking
on his "CURRENT" problems before adding "NEW" problems.

OPRAH: Well I understand that the chicken is having problems, which
is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the
chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of
life, I'm going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive
across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.

GEORGE W. BUSH: We don't really care why the chicken crossed the
road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road,
or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no
middle ground here.

DONALD RUMSFELD: Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see
the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.

ANDERSON COOPER/CNN: We have reason to believe there is a chicken,
but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of
the road.

JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am
now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about
the chicken's intentions. I am for it now, and will remain against it.

JUDGE JUDY: That chicken crossed the road because he's GUILTY! You
can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.

PAT BUCHANAN: To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.

MARTHA STEWART: No one called me to warn me which way that chicken
was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my
eggs when the price dropped to a certain level.

DR SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a
toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not
been told.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain. Alone.

JERRY FALWELL: Because the chicken was gay! Can't you people see the
plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going to the "other
side." That's why they call it the "other side." Yes, my friends, that
chicken is gay. And if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too.
I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that
the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like
"the other side." That chicken should not be free to cross the road.
It's as plain and simple as that!

GRANDPA: In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road.
Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good
enough.

BARBARA WALTERS: Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be
listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming
story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to
accomplish its life long dream of crossing the road.

JOHN LENNON: Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads
together - in peace.

ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken2006, which will not only
cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and
balance your check book. Internet explorer is an integral part of
eChicken. The Platform is much more stable and will never cra...#@&&^(
C \..... reboot.

ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the
road move beneath the chicken?

BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What is
your definition of chicken?

AL GORE: I invented the chicken!

COLONEL SANDERS: "Did I miss one?"

Bedtime discussions with a three year old

Horses
Dogs
Crocodiles
Cats
Shoes
Snakes
Socks
Cows......................

Things that don't have eyebrows.

Sunday, August 06, 2006

We Are Back!


Just thought that I would let everyone know that we are back! I know everyone has been anxiously awaiting our arrival....counting the days until we returned, I am sure.

This is a pic of our "gang". The trip was alot of fun, found out things about myself, as well as my family..... one of which is that I definately do not like being on the top of a mountain during a lightning storm..... seems like a no-brainer, huh?

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

Update on "Boo"

One of my first posts centered around my friend, Joy. She was at the time trying to figure out where the previous owner of her house had.....committed suicide.

I never really got into the reason why she wanted to know, so here it is. At certain times, when her husband was out of town, her dog would stand at the top of the stairs and growl into the basement. "Yep...that has to be it", we decided. "He is in the basement." Now I have to say that I have never been 100% sure how I felt about ghosts. I am Catholic...I believe in God.... But I am beginning to believe in ghosts as well. I think.

Joy told me a couple of months ago that while in her laundry room (which has a clear view through the kitchen and dining room) her son, who had just turned 3 years old, asks who the man is in the kitchen? Joy, remaining very calm asks, "What is the man doing?" Obviously, SHE sees no one. Her son stated that he was cooking.

OK, this past week Joy's youngest son (2 yrs old), was playing in his room with his grandma when he kept looking towards the wall. He asked his grandma if "that man" could come play trucks with him. Of course, she sees no one either.

Last week, amid 100+ degree weather, Joys air conditioner stops working. She calls the repair man. When he shows up the first thing he states is "it is kind of weird for me to come here." She asked him what he meant. He explained that he had originally put in the AC, furnace and duct work when the house was built AND his ex wife was the deceased man's cousin.

After he had completed his work, and was about to leave, Joy got up the nerve. "I have to ask you something", she said, "and I mean NO disrespect. Do you know where he did IT?"

"Do you really want to know?" asked the AC guy. "Yes", said Joy, "I really do." So here it comes......"In the master bedroom."

What a STUPID DOG!


Joy if you are reading this....sorry. Also, the dog may not be stupid. Apparently this man travels around the house so maybe he had just moved himself down to the basement since you kept filling up all the spare bedrooms with children. THAT makes sense.

GROSS ME OUT!

There are things that are accepted in society that are not acceptable to me. And I don't think I truly thought about this until last night. It was a fairly normal experience, and it surprised me with the way it directed my thoughts.

My daughter was chewing gum, and when supper was ready, took it out of her mouth and TRIED to hand it to me. I was mortified. "Go put that in the trash can....YUCK!"

So here it goes: I hate chewing gum. Now the actual process of chewing gum isn't that bad....but seeing someone chewing it grosses me out. Also, people who put it on their plate while they are eating....GROSS! I don't want to see it on their plate. I also don't want to see it lying naked in the trash can for all to see. I mean, COME ON, spit it into a tissue or something.

That is my feelings about gum. Is their something that grosses you out, that others find socially acceptable?

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

More random thoughts....

  • I can't believe how let down I was by the Supercenter. I thought there would be more hoop-la.
  • Is Kid Rock REALLY that shallow.
  • I hope HE doesn't do any home movies with her....I don't think my heart could take it.
  • I love watching home movies...(not THAT type of home movies).
  • I am really mad at the people who manufactured my portable DVD player. They SUCK.
  • I wonder what stomach cancer feels like.....I think I might have it. Seriously.
  • I can't wait to get home and watch todays episode of Y&R that I taped. Yes. It is my one guilty pleasure.
  • I think I live day to day. After reading Jeff's goals....I am impressed. I think that growing up I wanted: a husband, kids, and a house. Got the husband at age 24. Kids at age 27 & 30. And built our house at age 28. Does this mean I can die now.
  • Must think of new goals or I will probably die. (stomach cancer)
  • How likely is it that we would ACTUALLY experience a black-out?
  • It is only 55 cool degrees in Almont, CO.......Woo Hoo.
  • I haven't heard from my husband in several hours and he is building fence in 100+ degree weather.....Should I be worried? I think so. What do I do? Can't leave work. He isn't answering his phone.....He works alone.... Great. Now I am worried.

Dying a tragic death...

Yes, there has been a death. Death of a dream. Although today was supposed to be a joyous celebration of the Grand Opening of the Wal Mart Supercenter, there is a dark shadow that has been cast across my life. I rec'd the sad news yesterday. Yep, Kid Rock and Pamela Anderson....to be married.

Dear Kid Rock,

Don't you know what she is going to do to you? You are only a pawn in her game that she is playing with Tommy Lee. You are a puppet and she is the puppeteer. The only function you serve is to be the one to make Tommy Lee jealous. Seriously Kid. What do you see in her? I mean, really, a gorgeous blond with big boobs? I don't get it. What about a down to earth farm girl/woman? You were once a farm boy...... Surely you see through all that peroxide and silicone. If ever you change your mind...... you know where to find me.

Love,

Kim
PS. IF you change your mind July 27 - August 3, I will be on vacation. Please check back.

Monday, July 17, 2006

Fall lineup

Is it just me or does the new fall lineup that is being advertised now seem JUST PLAIN WEIRD? I think we have previously established that I am behind times....but come on! The commercials I am seeing for Jericho and Heroes (just to name a few).....I am not getting it. Is science fiction or reality tv our only choices? Call me old school, but I love the sitcom that has complete story resolution in a 30 minute period.

Are we there yet?

Me and the fam are leaving next week for our vacation in Colorado. There is a group of over twenty going, many of which are close friends and family. We are all taking our ATV's (or as our Polaris Ranger is classified, our UV) to ride in the mountains. This alone will be interesting with our 3 year old daughter and (barely) 1 year old son. They ride frequently....just not ALL day.. in mountains. However the most daunting part of our trip will most likely be the over 14 hour drive. I am equipped with our portable DVD player and Dora the Explorer movies...,books, small toys and so on. I think this will keep our 3 year old occupied. I am not so optimistic about "my boy". I am planning on packing the Benadryl to sedate him with if the going gets tough. My husband, who has the ability to tune out ALL fussing, thinks that entertaining them is unneccessary. "They should just enjoy looking out the window". I can see myself making it to Joplin before drinking the bottle of Benadryl myself.

Any ideas and/or suggestions as to items to take or games to play (keep in mind the age group) to make this long trip more pleasant?

Saturday, July 15, 2006

Sagging

Why is it that although I weigh the same as I did in 2000 when I got married, and the same as I did when I got pregnant with child #1 and #2, my body doesn't much resemble it's former self. Yeah, clothes still fit and all that....but my skin is just......loose. Gross isn't it?

I really noticed this tonight. The skin around my chin and the sides of my face is even what I would call "loose enough to be floppy in a strong wind." I am thinking that I would definately jump on the plastic surgery bandwagon if I could afford it. Or maybe Becca could just "throw me under it."

Friday, July 14, 2006

Revelations

Becca and I were recently having a conversation regarding things about our lives, personalities, histories..that we keep private. She didn't know the can of worms she opened. Trust me. Becca is by nature a more guarded person than I am. I have, since as far back as I can remember, been an open book. I think that I figured out that I air out my shortcomings, faults, mistakes, sins .....in an effort to rid myself immediately of people who wouldn't accept the "real me". I figure it would hurt too much to care about someone and then once they realized who I "really am" took off running for the hills.

The earliest example of this behavior, that comes to mind, was back around 1987. I was in the fifth grade. I so badly wanted to fit in. I was playing basketball with some girls and guys.....and Shawn E. said to me.."What the hell is that?" and pointed to the bow in my hair. It seemed pretty obvious to me what it was. I replied, "It is a bow, that is what the hell it is." (I know I am cool....fifth grade cool. NOT! ;)

Fast forward a couple of days. It is now the weekend. I am feeling SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO guilty about saying a cuss word. I am at my aunts house in her bathtub taking a bath and my mom comes in to make sure I am cleaning up....and I, succumbing to the pressure of the guilt, confess to my mom that I said a cuss word....and start bawling.

Now in hindsight, and as a parent now myself, I realize the humor of this. She HAD to have went back into the kitchen and died laughing telling my aunt about me and my cuss word confession. Even in the fifth grade I was nuts. I mean seriously... my parents were not martyrs.... they occasionally cussed, drank....etc. Heck, they gave me my first sip of beer when I was in elementary school. (side note: still hate the stuff, maybe that is why I don't drink it, or much else, to this day....) So why do/did I have such high standards for myself.....I don't think my parents saddled me with expectations... Because I am crazy, that is why! Now, in 2006 the standards are much different. I don't call my mom everytime I cuss... or fail in life, but I still take note, and I still want reassurance of love from those around me.

I guess I keep it real. It sounds good in theory. You know, being totally honest with people about yourself....but where is the mystery....the intrigue. There isn't any. I am who I am....and that can be pretty boring. It would be kind of nice for people not to know EVERYTHING about what made me who I am today. You know, that way, when in conversation with someone I could pull out a trump card and say.."Oh yeah, well one time I did this.........(fill in the blank)...." hence, leaving their mouths agape. But I think it is pretty safe to say "THAT WILL NEVER HAPPEN". Where is my sense of adventure....and fun?

Soooooooooooooooooo, In the spirit of fun and adventure, I now open the forum...."Ask me whatever you want. I am an open book."

Wednesday, July 12, 2006

Amber Alert


I would like to put out an Amber Alert for Chuck E. Cheese. After visiting his fine establishment yesterday with my kids I realized that he is indeed missing. We were there for 2 hours. During this time he never made an appearance.....not ONCE! All we saw was the robotic Chuck E. in the band......

Come on....what happened to the days when the big mouse would come out and parade around with the kids? Is that now just a bygone era? Is it just a treat reserved for birthdays? Has OSHA deemed the mouse suit too dangerous? Is having a mouse in the restaurant some health/safety violation?

What is this world coming to?

Monday, July 10, 2006

Leave me alone...

Dear nachos, pizza, oreos, ice cream, chocolate, cheese, butter and potatoes,

Please leave me alone! Don't you know I am on a diet....kinda. Seriously. Enough already. I know deep down you love me as I love you....but we are NO good for each other. Anyone can see it. We bring out the worst in each other.

Still love you,

me

I am not mad...Will you still come see me occasionally?

Thursday, July 06, 2006

Mysteries...

I was thinking today about my weekend. My long lost pal, who is going through a divorce, brought over some movies for us to watch during our "down time". It was during this time that it really hit me....."I AM OLD". Now, don't tsk, tsk, me..... The "old" I am referring to has more to do with my mentality, than it does age.

I did watch "Meet the Parents" a few years ago. I thought it was pretty funny, not the best movie I had seen, but pretty funny. So I was hyped to watch "Meet the Faulkers". I know, I know. And yes, we have been living under a rock. I have already been repremanded for not seeing it any sooner. However, after watching it I am glad I didn't knock myself out to see it. I viewed it as only mediocre. On to the next movie.......Napolean Dynamite.

I know this was somewhat of a sensation....but I guess I just missed it. I was bored to absolute tears....TEARS. I would have rather been doing laundry, mopping floors, (insert chore here), ANYTHING!!!!!! I couldn't stand this movie. In fact, it now tops my "Movies I hate the most" list, followed closely by "40 year old virgin". How do people enjoy these movies?

On to my next mystery. ...

I am a good girl, or rather good woman. I always have been. I liked the good guys...I played by the rules... Strived to make my parents proud....worked hard in school....made good grades... blah, blah, blah.....

So now, at 30, why do I have this unnatural obsession with Kid Rock? I mean...obsession. I love him....all of him. His nasty, greasy hair, his potty-mouth, nasty clothes and even his rap....ME like rap......what is happening here? If given a chance, (and didn't have kids) I would become a Kid Rock groupie..... Seriously. In fact, if he propositioned me today....I would probably accept.

And...I almost forgot. Johnny Depp. Now I know you are thinking that ALOT of women obsess about Johnny Depp, but you see, it isn't actually Johnny I obsess about.....but a character of his..... that's right. Capt. Jack Sparrow. I love him, all the matted hair, eyeliner, swaggering...everything. Soooooo Sexy....

How did I, end up married to a straight laced country boy.....???? It's a mystery. My guess is that there is a wild woman in me begging to get out....

Monday, July 03, 2006

Days of my life.......

  1. I rode a tractor over to my parents house with my husband and two kids....nope, no cab on this tractor. On the way we passed a truck with a calf tied in the bed of it. I felt like a page out of Rural America.
  2. Husband broke, for the second time, my dad's brush hog....totally playing into their idea of him being "haphazard", which by definition, is characterized by lack of plan, order, or direction. I would think this, at times, is a pretty fair assessment of my husband. Maybe not in this particular instance........but......
  3. Cleaned the house as well as the garage. As if this wasn't enough cleaning, my husband brought up the camping trailer to get ready for our first outing of 2006.
  4. Cleaned the camper......sweeping up mouse poop from the vacant drawers.......lysoling, bleaching, dusting....etc.
  5. While cleaning out camper, lifted up the bed support to sweep out the insulation below...just in case.... FOUND A FREAKING SNAKE SKIN!!!!!!!
  6. Left the camper screaming and exclaiming that I would not sleep in that camper EVER until a thorough....and I mean, thorough de-snaking had taken place.
  7. Got ready for a redneck college graduation party at B. Spring, complete with a monster truck, load of fireworks. Yes, monster truck.
  8. Was thrown out of, or rather, asked to leave, a local convenient store after having words with cashier about her..................... lack of professionalism. What can I say, I am bad.
  9. Went to church with Thelma Lou off of Mayberry.
  10. Went to a Fourth of July rodeo celebration, where I ran into a former classmate.
  11. Ran into a good friend from Florida on a lunch date conspiracy set into motion by my very own mother.......It was a nice surprise. Didn't even know he was in my neck of the woods.

And the holiday isn't even here yet....................I wonder what is to come?

Wednesday, June 28, 2006

Note to self....

Dear self,

Why? Why...do you do some of the things you do? Are you not thinking straight?.....Has the infection from the pink eye spread to your brain? Are you still caught off guard because someone who came to visit noticed your fly was down? Have you lost all sense of propriety? People were depending on you to maintain their low key profiles....and here you are drawing attention to yourself. You have let them down. Way down. I don't mean to throw you under the bus, but you have got to get yourself together.

Oh well, you could probably do something worse than leaving your barn door being open. Things might look up. Maybe I made a friend.

Love,
Me

Looks can be deceiving.......

Friday, June 23, 2006

Much ado about nothing...

I am really so bored/tired today that I am a little delirious. It has just been one of those days...not really a bad day...just a long one. Since my brain is too tired to do much I will attempt a random thoughts blog today.

  • Why does it seem that, in general, women settle for men that aren't good enough for them and men land women that are too good for them (but they don't know it)......This is a phenomenom.
  • Why is it that Wal Mart sells out of children's wading pools and doesn't restock in Mid June when it is freaking 90 degrees? Do they not think that people swim when it is hot?
  • Will the new Wal Mart be as good as my mind had anticipated it being, or is it going to be the same, with a touch of pain in the butt parking?
  • Will anyone ditch their current salon stylist to now go get their haircut at the Super Wal-Mart hair salon?
  • I think my son has developed an ear infection while on an antibiotic.......
  • How can I get out of fixing supper tonight?
  • John Kerry is a big joke......rain forest....blah blah blah......gun control.....blah blah...GW is so much better looking in a Carhartt.
  • I think our presidential elections should be held American Idol style.
  • Yo Yo Yo dawg
  • Should Oprah really re-air her episode about how she lost the weight and kept it off, when now during re-run season, it is apparent she hasn't kept it off?
  • I wonder if anyone in prison would like to write me a letter?
  • I must be gross.....I remember working at the bank with Becca and Lizard Tamer and Exambo.....and all of them at least once told me....."just wait, when the factory workers come through..... You will totally get hit on.....we all do" I am still waiting.....(10 years later)
  • I can't believe that Debbie doesn't think that Dena is old enough to be a PBR....she's 31
  • Sarah L. is way too nice.....way too nice
  • It's nice to think that someone thinks that 31 is too young for anything
  • My kindergarten teacher, Mrs. Layman, looks the same as she did 25 years ago...amazing.
  • If the presidential election WAS American Idol style....what would they compete on...it COULDN'T/SHOULDN'T be policies.....song choices say soooo much more about a person.
  • There is a couple out on our parking lot in a multi-colored primered small pickup.....the man is sitting in the drivers seat, the hood is up, and the woman is laying on the asphalt looking under the truck---please see thought #1.

Have a wonderful weekend......