Monday, February 26, 2007

Factual Fact

My sister was riding me because I hadn't blogged in almost a month. SO here goes. I am in no way, shape or form implying that this will be good. Or even moderately good. At best it will be somewhat entertaining to my sister who was on the phone with me while I made my "discoveries".

I love history. Really, I do!

Recently my sister, Sarah has enlisted my help with some college papers she has been writing.

This alone make me feel smart, which I am not. The assistance she asks for is usually in the form of internet searches which I do while at work.

Translation. I am her be-yotch. I do the work, she gets the glory.

Today the search was for the exact date the civil war ended.

She ought to have known the can of worms this opened. I mean, CIVIL WAR. People this is the history subject of all history subjects....... at least American history subjects. The little "factual facts" I found were numerous beyond belief. On the PBS Civil War fact sheet alone I found out that:

  • More than three million men fought in the war.

  • During the Battle of Antietam, Clara Barton tended the wounded so close to the fighting that a bullet went through her sleeve and killed a man she was treating.

  • Confederate General Nathan Forrest had 30 horses shot from under him and personally killed 31 men in hand-to-hand combat. "I was a horse ahead at the end," he was quoted as saying.

I love the opportunity to learn. But even more than that I love the opportunity to laugh:

  • Ulysses S. Grant was not fond of ceremonies or military music. He said he could only recognize two tunes. "One was Yankee Doodle," he grumbled. "The other one wasn’t."

Maybe its me, maybe its the weather, or maybe I am just delirious, but it seems to me that Ulysses S. Grant was freakin' hilarious. Unlike this post.

By the way, the date was April 9, 1865.

Friday, February 02, 2007

I'm such an a@#

By lunch time yesterday I had completed several days worth of work. Several people had passed away and the big man boss was out of town ...... So all was left to Dale and I.

We can do this.

We are smart, intelligent, experienced, and professional..... Okay, maybe I shouldn't say "professional".

Or maybe I shouldn't say "we". At least not in the same sentence. Because I am not. At least not yesterday................

Once returning from lunch I ducked into the restroom. As I stepped back out into the hallway I thought..."It is so cold out here!'

I headed towards the thermostat, swearing under my breath about the fact that Dale is constantly turning it down and therefore, freezing me out.

As I turned it up I looked up to see the Methodist Church preacher heading towards the door carrying two easels that he had borrowed earlier that day for the church. He came inside and I began walking towards him. (He apparently didn't see me.)

Hhhhhelllllooooo! I said. He turned around looking somewhat scared. Hhhmmmm...maybe I snuck up on him, I thought.

We conversed shortly about some repair work he had to do on our equipment....yadda...yadda...yadda, then I picked up the easels, bid farewell, and turned around to put them up.

Probably 15 minutes later a couple came in. Being in the back office, I stood up to walk up front to ask them how I could assist them. Upon standing I felt a sudden chill again. Not unlike the chill I felt when exiting the restroom.

Moaning inwardly, while outwardly trying to hide the fact that I am desperately reaching behind me trying to feel what was going on, I discovered that I, being the moron that I am, while pulling up my pantyhose, had caught the hem of my skirt in the top of my pantyhose, thereby revealing my boot-ay to the nice Mr. Preacher.

With a quick yank I freed my skirt and got down to business with the couple standing before me.

After they left I let the embarrassment sink in.

I ran into the restroom trying to get a good look at my backside to determine the shape it was in when I flashed it.
  • underwear on? X
  • hole/run free? X
  • free of any obnoxious stains? X
  • free of trailing toilet paper? X

All in all, my a@# didn't look half bad. The pantyhose helped to lift and shape....... "could be worse" I thought. As could the situation. Couldn't think of how it could've been worse at the moment.... but I am sure it could have. Right???.................