Thursday, May 12, 2016


Sunday will be one year since Steven relapsed.  We are so thankful that this year, we are starting the summer off at home.  When school let out today, Steven picked the kids up...a vast difference from where we were last year on the last day of school.  

Tomorrow we have plans to set the pool up.  Last year we never did. 

There are so many differences and so many things to look forward to.  I'm working on focusing on those things.  

Yesterday my anxiety was sky high as I started off the morning making an appointment for Steven to have his hip x-rayed and making sure that his labs still looked good.  They did.  He had mentioned at our last appointment in St. Louis that he had pain when walking and raising from the sitting position, but he was optimistic that it would get better.

 It hasn't.  

The doctor decided to look into it and make sure everything looked alright.  Although I am sure that this is most likely just a result of all his body has been through, my mind hasn't forgotten what we've been through.  I'm afraid it never will.

However, God has a way of gently speaking to us, and making us listen, even over the noise of our brains screaming at us.  Yesterday, just when I felt that I would buckle under the weight of the world, a message from someone Steven and I had met along our journey came through.  While asking about Steven and I, they also asked for some assistance in a matter.  My assistance. I agreed and once again, I noticed that helping others was extremely efficient in taking the focus off of me and my worries, and shifting the focus to someone else.  

It's good to be reminded that it's not all about us in this great big world.  Regardless of how big our problems or worries seem, it's not all about us.

Shortly thereafter, I received another message from someone totally different, someone I hadn't met, someone that wanted to share with me her experience. Our experiences were different in every aspect other than we were caring for someone we loved with cancer.  However, that alone is more common ground than I ever hope to have with someone.

In her message she shared how reading about Steven's trials, and 'witnessing' how he has came through them, has helped her. It was then that I was, once again, reminded of how there is strength in numbers and regardless of how we might feel in the moment, we are not alone.  

No, it's not about us in this great big world, but we aren't all alone in it either.

I guess it's all about perspective.

I shared with Steven the events of my day - something I'm trying to do more of.  I have found that trying to shield him from my anxiety, strains, and worries, in an attempt to not to add to his own, ends up making both of ours worse.  As I let him in on the story of the strength that his journey had provided another, he broke down.  It hasn't been for nothing.

Perspective.  I think it's something we've both gained and something I hope to never lose sight of.  Sometimes, when I start letting worries, and life, get the best of me, I need to remind myself that it's not about ME, but rather, it's about Him, and what we can do to help each other out on this journey.  

Help each other.  Love each other.  Keep your perspective.

If I don't remember, I'm pretty sure He will end up reminding me.

(Picture of the space shuttle launch taken from the International Space Station.  Kind of puts it ALL into perspective, huh?)