Wednesday, December 12, 2007

I have been out of the loop.....

if you hadn't noticed.
It seems that everything has happened all at once. Christmas, my sister's engagement...and.....
my husband and I went on a trip.
Yep! That's right! The couple that had only spent three nights alone since last November, yes, that is November '06, has just returned from Fabulous Las Vegas. Can you say "Vegas Baby!"?

That is right. If we are in Vegas in can only mean one thing.

The rodeo is in town. As in National Finals Rodeo. The RODEO of all RODEO's.

Now for the average person I realize that this means absolutely nothing to you.

But for the person, or um, wife, that over the years has been dragged to a million country rodeos to support her husband, this rodeo actually brings the fun back into rodeo. It is the best of the best.

Nothing against small town rodeos, it is just that they are exactly that..small. However, I have been to the "Granddaddy of them all", in Cheyenne, Wyoming and it too, falls short of the bar set in Vegas.

Case in point, Saturday night's rodeo was opened by Charlie Daniels singing, "Drinkin' my baby goodbye" and in 2000 when were there, Toby Keith rode out into the arena in a limo accompanied by cheerleaders and sang "How do you like me now?". You don't often see that at the rodeo's in backwoods America.

While there I experienced more excitement when my sister called me to inform me that we had gotten tickets to see Bon Jovi in April.

"I'm a little bit country, I'm a little bit rock and roll.....". (that's for you, Jeff)

I have to say, it was very nice to have time with my husband. Most days..(if not all) ...we are in parent mode. We never allow ourselves to be ourselves. We are mommy and daddy. Period. End of story. Steven and I ceased to exist almost five years ago. It was nice to meet each other again.

(Are you ready for the New Year?)

We spent three nights a row. So now I am left wondering if that means that we have now reached our "yearly night alone limit" and aren't allowed any more until November of '08?

I hope not. It was nice meeting each other again....

Friday, November 23, 2007

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

Cock of the Walk

When going through my grandmother's albums I found this picture of my dad:

(Dad on right, age 14. Uncle on left, age 12)

This is just wrong on so many levels.
In my mind, at least, he will be forever be the more wholesome individual below:

Yeah, that's my dad. That is the man (boy) that I recognize.

Monday, November 12, 2007


This morning I came to work and proceeded my day as usual.

Neither one of the guys had made it in and since no one had recently passed away there was no reason to be expecting them.

I went to the restroom to well, do what people do in the restroom.

As I exited I turned back the direction of the door in order to shut it. As I closed the door, there in the hallway was somebody. This caused an "Oh!" to escape my lips before realization set in.

No one was there. And really as I thought about it, I didn't actually see a person as much as a whiteness taking up space. However in the nanosecond that this all took place my mind didn't have time to process this.

However, apparently the whiteness was in that moment real enough to extract an exclamation from my mouth. So to me, this was proof enough that something, indeed, had been there.

As odd as it sounds, I didn't really think much about it.

Although I work at a funeral home, I don't regularly encounter ghosts. Still yet, I wasn't shaken.

As I went to the (well lit) front office again I saw "something". I am not being elusive here. There are no words because to be honest, my mind isn't sure what it saw and my memory is failing. It is almost like it doesn't want to remember.

Again, I was not frightened.

In fact I had an inner dialogue about how I at least had material to blog about....with my other inner self veto-ing that idea because the stigma that would place on funeral homes would not be(generally) an accurate one.

Along with this conversation I had flashbacks of my boss telling me about a vacation that he and his wife went on. They toured a "haunted hotel". He told the ghost tour guide that he didn't believe in ghosts and that after x amount of years in the funeral business he had never seen one.

She told him that she wouldn't expect him to. Why would a ghost hang out at a funeral home? She asked.......There is nothing to tie that person there.

I thought about that and it made sense. And I went on about my day, unshaken and unafraid, as usual.

Once returning from lunch I plopped down in a chair to talk to my boss.

The phone rang.  My boss answered it.

"Hi Amanda"

And with that being the only thing that left his mouth, everything started to fall into place for me before the phone call was even over.

My friend, Ms. C, passed away this morning in her sleep.

We used to work together. In fact, she lived here in the apartment at this funeral home up until 2 1/2 years ago. I had just spoke to her. We had good conversations and even though she told me how much talking to me meant to her and made her feel better, I knew that the reverse was true. She saw the Kim that I want to be. The Kimthat I strive to be.

I think that this morning she was just checking "in" on her way out.......

I miss her already.

Wednesday, November 07, 2007

Maybe I am a tad emotional.....

but he moved me to tears.

I am a lover of music. Many kinds of music.

80's hair bands
retro country
modern country

You name it.

However, one genre of music that would have probably never made it on to my list is opera.

I will still refrain from saying that I like it, because to be honest, I don't know if it is opera I like, or Paul Potts.

Yesterday I had Oprah on in the background, something about YouTube...yadda...yadda...yadda

As I was toiling away in the kitchen something caused me to stop and listen.

Paul Potts, previously unheard of to me, was being introduced as the winner of "Britains Got Talent". And then he opened up his mouth to sing.

I don't speak Italian and therefore had no idea what words he was singing.....but the emotion was so raw that it welled up within me and spilled over my cheeks in the form of tears.

I watched it again with the same intensity and was pulled just as deeply into his song.

Maybe it was a fluke deal.

I don't know......but I somehow doubt it. What do you think?

Maybe I should put opera on my list.

Saturday, November 03, 2007

Thursday, October 25, 2007

Sunday night sorrow

Sunday night was a hard one for me.

After Mr. B came waltzing into the bathroom one morning (apparently after climbing out of his crib) I came to the realization that it was indeed time for "the big boy bed".

I have been prepared for this moment for months. Or at least prepared in the material sense.

I had the bed.
I had the sheets.
I had the comforter.
I had the pillows.

We were set, or so I thought.

What I didn't have was the right mindset. Yes folks, I have become "one of those mothers."

As I began to unscrew and take apart his baby bed I realized that THIS time I wouldn't be putting it back up. The era of our life that included babies, bottles, pacifiers, cribs and carriers had came to an end.

There are some good things about my children growing up.....but at that moment, sitting on the carpeted floor in the middle of his bedroom, I could not think of one. All I could think of was my children, and more specifically, my baby, no longer being my baby.

Of course, I still call my four year old, Miss L, "my baby", and in my heart they both will always be "my babies", but their growing bodies tell me that they are now anything but.

Each time I watch their daddy pick them up and take them to their beds, my heart is overcome with a sadness and a love that is so strong it is painfully scary. Love....well that one is obvious, but sadness......sometimes that one surprises even me.

Sadness that one day we won't carry them to bed.
Sadness that one day they won't want the kisses and hugs I freely bestow on them.
Sadness that life is unscripted and unknown, and the future we wish for isn't always the future we get.
Sadness that I know they will never understand how much I love them, until they love someone else that much, and that someone else most certainly won't be me.......but their own children.

However, for at least this moment, I will let the sadness drift away and smile because God has given me two of the sweetest gifts.

Monday, October 22, 2007

If I would have only known.....

that carved pumpkins only last about a week, I sure wouldn't have bothered. Thank goodness scrapbook pages last longer.

I gathered up the kids and they grabbed their respective pumpkins and we commenced the carving...... I thought "this is what good mom's do..."

This moment was almost picturesque except for the fact that I, being the model parent that I am, failed to notice Mr. B stabbing away at the pumpkin with a serrated steak knife.

Did I mention that I am a model parent that always has my children's safety at the forefront of my consciousness?

(Notice the knife wielding two year old....while I am serenely smiling for the camera)

After the kids felt the goo on the inside of the pumpkin their interest quickly faded and it was I that was left to scrape all of the slimy guts out of the pumpkin and do the fancy knife work sans Mr. B.

So, I did the clean out, the clean up and the carving. All for about six jack-o-lantern lit nights....

What a rip!

However when I scrapbook about this I am sure that I will sugar coat it and record it as being just another (selfless) moment of family filled fun provided by dear old mom.......(sigh)

Kids this young don't really remember anything anyway, right? I mean I am keeping my fingers crossed that my college Child Psychology professor was right and that they only "remember" pictures and stories that are repeatedly told. Hence...the scrapbooks. To date I don't have any pictures where mommy is having a melt down. Nope, I prefer to spoon feed my kids their pleasant memories.

Thursday, October 18, 2007

Nightime Bliss

Last night I found myself in bed rather early. I think I just wanted the comfort of the pillows and sheets wrapped around me. I turned on the TV and waited for my two shadows to come join me, as I knew they would, because although Daddy is great and fun and exciting, momma is soft and cuddly.

There is something about me being in bed my kids can not resist.

It doesn't matter the hour. If I am lying down you can pretty much bet that they are going to find me and curl up beside me. And I love it!

Last night as I was lying there with a child wrapped protectively with each arm, me in the center, I whispered out into the night, "I love you". Of course, this was meant for both of them and of course, they both replied back, "I love you."

(I, of course, can not hear this enough. I am an addict.)

I then turned to Mr. B and said "I love you Mr. B" to which he replied, "I love you, momma". I then turned the other direction and said, "I love you, Miss L" to which she replied:

"I love you more and more".

To which I replied, "I love you more than you can ever imagine."

And then she said, "well, I love you all... the way to.... God."

And in my heart I know that this is an awful lot. And it is enough for me.

Monday, October 15, 2007

Happy Birthday Dad!

Today is my dad's birthday and I have been spending a lot of time thinking about him lately. You see, I am working on a heritage scrapbook album that I plan on giving him as a gift for Christmas.

My dad is a man tied deeply to the roots of his ancestors and all of the history and meaning that it brings with it.

He is a man that has a very tough exterior, that sometimes, just sometimes, lets you get a glimpse of the softy beneath.

He believes that our family name is something to protect, uphold and keep both word and deed.

He knows the meaning of friendship.

"A penny saved is a penny earned" and "hard work is the price that you pay for anything worth having", seem to be his mottos.
He sees people as they are and accepts them without reserve. "It's just their nature" is how he tries to explain this to my sister and I.

However, the man I know is a stark contrast to the boy I have heard stories about. The reckless child and the teenage boy with a wild streak and a tendancy to be known as a "ladies man" is someone that I never knew. My dad has always been the picture of maturity for as far back as I can recall. Even though he was 21 when I was born he has always been a "hard working man" in my memory. The older I get the younger he was and I am amazed at the adult life he and my mother chose so early on in theirs. I know how hard parenting is at 31....I can only imagine what it would have been like at 21.

It seems so young. It seems as if life had barely given you enough experience to draw on to take care of yourself, let alone a child. And yet he did. And he did it well, if I say so myself.

Here's to you dad.....Happy Birthday.

(He is the one on the left)

Monday, October 08, 2007


This Friday night I had a girls night out with my mom, my sis, an aunt, and two co-worker/friends of my mom. This night had been a long time coming.

I was excited but the chaos that had encompassed the previous weeks had taken the edge off of my excitement leaving me hoping that this evening would end up being as memorable as I had initially hoped.

It was.

After the two hour drive, hoards of traffic, a fair share of road rage and a fast food meal to go, we were there.

And I was ready.

We had cut our time short and as we were making our way to our seats I could hear the music start to play. I grabbed my sisters hand and pulled her along as I ran in the general direction of our seats.

As I was approaching the entrance nearest our seats I heard the crowd go absolutely wild. I ran head long through all of the foot traffic and craned my I was standing tip-toe balancing on the steps I could feel the vibration of the music as well as the vibration of the excitement that was contained in one arena.

This is what I saw.....

well this is what I saw through my cell real life it wasn't as pixel-ated. (is that a word?) It looked more like this...

And let me tell you now. If you ever get a chance to see Elton John. Do it. I am serious. It does NOT disappoint.
There was no opening act. It is all him.
He walked onto the stage at 8 pm and played non-stop until the show was over at 11.
It was great.
Did we have great seats, you ask? Well, you could still see really well but technically they were the seats the furthest from the stage.

Did that dampen my spirits? Oh no, in fact it raised them. There is an up side to being on the top row, in the far corner. No one can see you. The people across the arena were too far away to see us, everyone below us was looking at the stage..... we had free reign to act like idiots. And yes, ma'm, we did.

We were maniacs......My sister and I danced like we had never danced before......

My mom couldn't do anything but laugh, my aunt was determined to remain foreward facing with eyes averted and the other two just thought we were nuts. But that was OK with us. Because did I mention, we were maniacs, maniacs on the floor.......and we were dancing like we'd never danced before...
We created new moves never before seen by man.....and probably will never be seen again. But it was fun. Elton helped to create a memory with my sister that I will never forget.

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

As I wipe my tears away......

I will post this pic of Miss L's first school picture. (Preschool) Her babysitter took her for me while I was at work. Her bangs are actually going against her part, she has a trampoline burn on her chin, and her smile is a bit too rehearsed. I love it just the same. It captures her eyes and her spirit.

I remember vividly the first picture we had taken of Miss L. She was three weeks old.

I fretted over the outfit, finally choosing one similiar to one I had as an infant. I wanted the picture to capture just how perfect and beautiful this child of mine was. I wanted this picture to capture everything I was feeling as a parent. A picture is worth a thousand words, right? I wanted it to be timeless and perfect.

Of course, things don't go smoothly with infants. The pictures were great, but not perfect. We did, however, capture a smile. That is right. A three week old smiling baby....just for the camera. Gas, right? I don't think so.

At seven weeks we took her and had them made again.

Overkill? Probably.

Again, Miss L was smiling it up for the camera. These pics landed themselves in the front window and on the company's website.

Every month for over a year (some months twice) I had her picture made. Every month the same smiling baby.

Although she is no longer a baby, she is STILL smiling. A smile on Miss L's face is as natural as the sunrise. As natural as my love for her. For this I am thankful. Even at four years old she represents to me the person I want to become.

Does that even make sense?

For those who don't have the pleasure of knowing her, probably not.

But those who do understand that this four year old is wise beyond her years.

Even on days where everything is going wrong she will look at me, capture my eyes and tell me in her little voice. "Momma, everything is ok. It will all be fine. OK? Don't worry about it."

She is optimistic, happy, caring, thoughtful, forgiving, loving, compassionate and encouraging.

I hope that never changes and that the world never changes her.

Saturday, September 22, 2007

After the passing of summer........

a longing look back:

Who needs a pool when you have 5 gallon buckets of water?

Friday, September 21, 2007

Monday, September 17, 2007

Hee-Haw in the Ozarks

That is what we attended this weekend. No. I am not kidding.

It was fun too.

I mean, our town has a population of 700 something and when it decides collectively to celebrate......why not?

This celebration of sorts has been going on almost 30 years. It is just a slow paced day filled with all different types of entertainment.

We kicked off Saturday with the parade. Once again the kids wanted to participate in their own little way. Miss L really wanted to ride her pony in the parade, but her daddy and I decided that since Mr. B wouldn't be able to ride behind her the entire length of the parade and he isn't old enough to ride the gator or a bike by himself, she should take one for the team. We ended up having Miss L into driving the John Deere gator once again while Mr. B hitched a ride as a passenger and Daisy, the pooch, rode in the dump bed.

This worked out well for us.

Apparently they really wanted participants for the parade so all of the children received a $1 for being in the parade. Then the man giving out the money asked us what class we were in?.....

"Um, I am not sure that we have a class...."

Well, we will create a class for you and since you are the only one in it.......You get 1st place!

That, folks, raked in another $5.


After the parade we wandered around talking to the neighbors and family that were there. Of course, Miss L and Mr B felt somewhat like a celebrity since people were commenting on their parade appearance. Since Miss L started preschool this year, classmates of hers were coming up and talking to her and commenting on her gator and Daisy. Let me tell you, she felt big.

At 12:30 the event we had all been waiting for. (Drumroll please)

The turtle race.

Apparently back in the beginning of Community Days the turtle race was a big draw. Kids and turtles came from all over the area. Some with painted shells, some small, some big........... most were ready to race. After many years the turtle race started to dwindle. Let me be the first to tell you, IT HAS MADE A COMEBACK.

There were over 55 turtles/kids. Each child was given a $1 for participating. The winner of each heat was given $5. The grand prize winner was given $20.

Unfortunately Miss L's turtle never left its shell and Mr B's turtle never moved.

Next year we will go at it with a different angle. Ya know, maybe hop them up on some speed or something. I mean the $9 we came home with was great and all, but just think next year we could come home with $30 more. And it is, ahem, all about the money.........


That evening we made our way back to town and finished off the festivities by watching the hometown rendition of Hee-Haw! It was really cute and well done. It made me remember times sitting in my parents living room floor watching the show as a family. Times have changed. I am glad that at least for now, my children, my husband and I, live in a place where time moves a little slower than it does in others. Traditions still run firm. People still sit on their front porch. Kids can run around and the parents know that collectively, the community is watching them. Their kids are our kids and our kids are their kids.

Although we will never be put on the map for being on the cutting edge of anything, this town, my town, of 700+ is a really good place to live.

"Now we're not one to go around telling rumors,
In fact we're really not the gossiping kind....
No, you won't hear one of us repeating gossip
so you better be sure and listen close the first time."

Mytown, Missouri population: 781 Saaa-lute!

Thursday, August 30, 2007

Rolling Around In My Mind

  • My heart wants to have another baby, but my mind doesn't.
  • My husband doesn't think that he can provide, financially, the way he would like with three children.
  • Why did Owen Wilson try to kill himself? I wish he didn't feel so desperate.
  • I really like Lean Cuisine Chicken Club Paninis.
  • The new Hannah's is opening tomorrow.
  • I am excited about seeing Elton John. I hope it isn't a let down.
  • I bet Bon Jovi wouldn't be a let down.
  • Why did my daughter draw a toliet the first day of preschool?
  • My children getting older is a pretty sure sign that I, too, am getting older.
  • Why did Charlie ask me if I was pregnant? I mean sure, I have gained 4-5 lbs, but I thought that it ended up primarily in my butt and not in my stomach.

Friday, August 03, 2007

Its been awhile....

and I will admit it, I found someone,well, maybe more like something else, that was filling my long hours at work.

Stephanie Plum. And Ranger. OK, Morelli sometimes too. Always Grandma.

If you have no idea what I am talking about I am referring to Janet Evanovich novels. They are funny, mysterious, sometimes romantic, but always, always funny.

It started with this book that I recieved back in June from my sister, Sarah. She told me how good these books were (She was on #10, called Ten Big Ones), and got me started with book #1.

I thought, sure, OK, "like I actually have time to read". But I forged ahead.

Now, while Sarah is still on "Ten Big Ones", I am starting #11, "Eleven on Top".

Apparently I DO have time to read. Or rather, maybe I just get so caught up in the books that I neglect the children at my feet yelling "mommy this" and "mommy that". Maybe I just need to explain to them that mommy only has three more to read and then I will have to wait until next year for #14, (yet to be named), at which time I will be unnecessarily camped outside Barnes and Noble waiting for its release.

Join me on this escape, won't you? Then Sarah and I can "talk" about these books with others. We need viewpoints here. Intelligent discussions and such. For example, If a movie was made out of these books, who would play each character? You know deep searching conversations such as this is what I am yearning for. Humor me.

Friday, July 13, 2007

Move over Picasso

Last night Miss L was intermittently jumping on the trampoline and drawing on a scratch pad (on the trampoline). She had many items that she was drawing which were good, but not as good as this work of art, such as a tree, a teapot, me pushing her in a get the picture.

But when she showed me this picture, (OK I will admit she told me what it was), I was like "Right On! I totally see what it is. You are awesome!"

My sister warns me about over-praising my children. But this, dear Sarah, was not overpraising. She rocks! Ignore the scribbles to the right as they are part of another masterpiece and concentrate on the picture. It is SO obvious. Anyone who doesn't know what it is needs glasses......... Have you figured it out yet?



And no it isn't a rocket ship or an airplane which is everyone else's guess. They apparently have no appreciation for art. This doesn't resemble that at all.

Got it yet?

Ok, If you haven't got it, you are totally going to hit yourself up aside the head for this one.

It's a barbeque grill. Hello! How much more obvious can you get?

What can I say, she is a genius.

Monday, July 02, 2007

July showers bring August flowers?

Does anybody have an ark?

Friday, June 29, 2007

This makes me laugh

I haven't been in the mood to post lately, but this commercial, for whatever reason, makes me laugh. Enjoy.

Thursday, June 21, 2007

Short but sweet

This post is.

My little boy is.

And today he turned two.

It just seems like yesterday that we brought him home. A home where he will be forever loved. By all of us.

Part of me is sad that time can't be frozen. Part of me is sad that the innocence that belongs to our youth is so fleeting.

But the other part of me is happy beyond measure that these two children are mine.


Monday, June 18, 2007

The (un)lucky penny

I will never again stop to pick up a "lucky" penny.

Nope. No more.

Not after today.

I was headed out to my car, getting ready to leave for lunch when I saw this seemingly harmless shiny penny, heads up, on the asphalt. I picked it up.

Actually, I walked past it and stopped, "thought it was heads up AND it IS money", so I turned around and picked it up.

I dropped it into my console and turned my key.


Tried once more, nothing. I then proceeded to call one of my bosses to "jump me".

I went to lunch (if you call grocery shopping at Wal Mart "lunch") and forgot a main item on my mental list.

Two hours before I was to go home I had a surprise meeting with accountants about new protocol in paying taxes, unemployment, and so on.....

An hour before I went home received a call from my other boss's wife telling me she needed to talk to him immediately, regardless of the meeting he was in. After he speaks with her I am informed that there is a bomb squad on the way, that a caller had indeed called 911 stating that a bomb had been placed in the funeral home to go off in less than 2 hours. I repeat, A FUNERAL HOME.

Folks, I assure you, I am not making this stuff up. I am not this creative.

After the bomb squad checked my vehicle for a bomb I was sent to retrieve my kids from the sitter and head home.

At the sitter I was then informed that she had found a different job and that all of her daycare kids would need to find different daycare providers, BY THE FIRST OF JULY! Yeah, um, sure.

I headed home to have my nervous breakdown......which is currently in progress. I will never again pick up a penny, and no, just for good measure I did not park my car in the garage. You know, just in case.

Sunday, June 17, 2007

My childrens' father

My children's father is the best dad I have ever had the priveledge to meet.

My children's father has a gift of making both of his children feel as if they are dad's "favorite".

My children's father plays with a zest that generally belongs to the youth.

My children's father never tires of "daddy will you....", "daddy can you...", "daddy....".

My children's father is patient beyond measure, taking in every question or answer they have to give.

My children's father is a kind man that has a gift for teaching them the in's and out's of everyday life.

My children's father sees the world through their eyes.

My children's father kisses boo-boo's, growls at pretend monsters and teaches his children that if they try their hardest, they will never fail.

My children's father was a born father never experiencing uncertainty with the role and never once looking back.
Today, I know how lucky I am that he is my husband and he is my children's father.

Saturday, June 16, 2007

Clothes don't make the man....

As long as you have your boots on, you are as dressed as you need to be.

Friday, June 15, 2007

Fun, fun, fun

Last week Miss L, Mr B and I hopped into the car to head to town towards the babysitter and work.

The song on the radio just happened to be, the Beach Boys' "Fun, fun, fun til daddy takes the t-bird away"

Miss L was somewhat drawn into the song, the beat, and all of the lyrics that she could catch. She questioned me what the song was about. I told her.

Repeat this again this morning. We were listening to the song and she told me that "her daddy should fix the car so she could have fun again."

I told her that the car wasn't broke. That she had taken it from her daddy without asking first and now she was cruising town and driving too fast. Since she had misbehaved her daddy was going to take the car away from her when she got home...

I could tell Miss L was thinking about this. You know, gathering her thoughts.

She then told me, "My daddy never takes anything away from me.......well, except for my calf."

Kids never forget......

Wednesday, June 13, 2007

Things you never knew....

Apparently, at 100 posts, it is a tradition to do 100 things about me.

I missed that lesson somewhere along the line. So lets try it now, albeit a little late.

  1. I have been with my husband almost 15 years, and I am only 30 years old. By my estimation, that is almost half of my life. And the other half I wasn't with him, I had a crush on him.
  2. My middle name is Lyn. One n, not two.
  3. I have owned seven dogs in my life: Happy, Marty, Bubbles, Sugarbabe, Sugar, Ben and Daisy. Two of them were cocker spaniels.
  4. Steven and I's (great grammar) first house was a 1970's model mobile home that he bought for, hold on to your seats, $800.00. (and we probably gave too much for it, can you say 'trailer trash'??) It was a fixer upper (will add before and after photos later) and when my mother saw it for the first time, she actually cried and claimed, "My daughter can't live here..."
  5. My husband, at the same time as our "home" purchase, bought a saddle bronc saddle for his rodeo "career", it cost $850.00. We gave it its own room in the house.
  6. We live on a "ranch" of 120 acres (edited 2009: 180 acres).
  7. We lived in our trailer until we had paid off the land. Then we built our house.
  8. Once at a babysitters house I fell off the lawnmower and cut the inside of my ear. I had to have stitches on the INSIDE OF MY EAR. I remember screaming as they held me down.
  9. I have a Bachelors degree in Business Management with an emphasis on Administration.
  10. I love Mexican food. More specifically, Mexican Villa.
  11. I have one sibling. A sister that is 10 years my junior.
  12. When I was young and took baths, I used to freak out that I was going to go down the drain.
  13. At my first birthday party, I ate the cupcake AND the paper. Everything came out OK.
  14. I still eat a lot of things I shouldn't.
  15. When I was in the sixth grade I started my period. This was not a cool thing in the sixth grade and everyone tried to keep it a secret. Some mean girls figured it out and followed me into the bathroom and then peeked over the stall to see me "doing my business". With this "cool new info" they then informed the whole homeroom class and then I was made fun of. FOR STARTING MY PERIOD.
  16. I have very little, to no self-esteem. (I wonder why)
  17. My kids have made me a much stronger person than I ever thought possible.
  18. My husband has cheated death three times. Seriously.
  19. I have peed in a sink at a gas station.
  20. I once ordered my food at McDonalds, pulled forward and paid, and then drove off forgetting to actually get my food.
  21. I love the smell of leaves burning.
  22. My favorite food is pizza and nachos.
  23. I have always heard that for every night that you wear your make-up to bed your skin ages six days.
  24. I have yet, at 30 years of age, ever been drunk. That is not to say I haven't drank. Just haven't been drunk.
  25. I have had only three speeding tickets.
  26. I wanted to be a teacher when I grew up......(still waiting.)
  27. I hate snakes.
  28. My gynecologist is good looking and according to the L & D nurses, has the voice of a "midnight deejay."
  29. While dating Steven, once, during a fight, I threw a remote control at his face. Wasn't a mature, healthy relationship. Thankfully, that has since changed. We were young and naive.
  30. I also dragged (unknowingly) Steven down a state highway while his clothes were caught in the car door...because he jumped out of the car!. (who does that?)Again, not a healthy relationship. Much better now, thanks for wondering. We have history.
  31. I am petitioning to get an award for the "Least Commented on Blog"
  32. I am Catholic and had a mini-religious-nervous breakdown when I was younger, courtesy of a Southern Baptist preacher. Can you say "differences of opinion?"
  33. When you are Catholic you feel guilty for EVERYTHING. Someone could give me a lie-detector test for something I DID NOT DO, and I would still fail. Seriously. Because, ya know, maybe I did it and didn't know it......
  34. After reading #33 I think I might need meds.
  35. I never snuck out of my parents house. (Can you say boring, again?)
  36. My first car was a 1976 Ford Thunderbird that my friends affectionately called the "Thunderchicken".
  37. My mom drove the Thunderbird prior to me turning 16. During this time it caught on fire once in a Wal-Mart parking lot.
  38. When McDonald's first came to our hometown, my mom and I were in a half-mile line of cars waiting to go through the drive-thru to get a Happy Meal.
  39. I am as white as the fresh fallen snow. Can't tan. I love that nuetrogena stuff that gives you a hint of color.. Not sure of the name.
  40. I went to school with a lot of mean, mean girls. I mean, I should write a book.
  41. I have two ear piercings on one side and one on the other, because in the early 90's having odd amounts was COOL!
  42. I hate chocolate ice cream.
  43. My feet grew a half size after having two children.
  44. I had braces in junior high.
  45. When I was in high school and wore a size three I thought I was fat. If I had only knew then what I know now.......arrghhhh.
  46. When I was young I wanted to be in gymnastics but my parents told me I wasn't nearly limber enough. They were right.
  47. When I was young I would make sashes by stapling pieces of paper together end to end, put on a bathing suit (along with my sash), roller skates, an Alabama cassette, and do my roller derby thing down in the basement. (I was so cool)
  48. I milked cows for my dad for seven years, after school and during the summer. I wasn't paid for this.
  49. I once gashed my forehead open on a piano bench while playing "Blind Mary" off of Little House on the Prairie at the babysitters house.
  50. Once, at a different babysitters house, I ate a can of Chicken Noodle soup EVERY day for lunch for the whole summer. By my own choice.
  51. I am friends with several of the same people I went to high school with.
  52. When my daughter wasn't even two years old, she was holding her baby doll in her lap and informed us she was "checking her for ticks". Did I mention that we live in the sticks?
  53. I had exactly two pieces of name brand clothing in high school.
  54. I love breakfast foods.
  55. For some reason I used to be attracted to tall, thin guys. I.E., Steven.... Actually, I am still attracted to one tall, thin guy.
  56. I have four hummingbird feeders and love to watch hummingbirds.
  57. I love Diet Dr. Pepper and my sister says that I am going to die from a brain tumor because of it. Call me a rebel. I won't stop drinking diet.
  58. I would clean my babysitters houses while they were watching me because I was/am a clean freak.
  59. I do not like egotistical people who are in love with themselves. And self-love is important, right? I totally have missed the boat on this one.
  60. During childbirth with my first child I obtained a third degree tear. (Weren't you wondering?)
  61. I have never eaten cheesecake. Everyone talks about how fattening it is, so I figure why start now. I will never know what I am missing.
  62. My hair is naturally semi-curly and thick.
  63. I don't generally eat store bought ice-cream, but I love homemade ice cream.
  64. I love music. I mean, REALLY love music. All kinds. I think I should be a DJ.
  65. I would love to attend a taping of the Oprah Winfrey show. Anybody out there have any connections......????
  66. I have worked at a funeral home for almost 8 years. It has been a much better job experience than I had ever imagined.
  67. I have what some call "cat eyes". I think they are hazel and normal. But aside from my hair being so thick, my eyes are the most commented on part of me. I have been asked several times if I am wearing contacts to make them look the way they do...... And the answer is, um, "no".
  68. I am both shy AND outgoing.
  69. I am not very tolerant of lazy people.
  70. My parents are still each other. They were married when they turned 18. My Grandma S had to sign for my dad because he wasn't old enough to do it without consent. Hellooooo, HE WAS 18! Last I checked that was an adult by all standards.
  71. Once when I was young I didn't want to eat the meat that was prepared for me so I snuck it into the bathroom and flushed it down the toilet.
  72. A friend of my family saved my life once when I was little. There was a HUGE swarm of bees, I am talking 1000's and apparently they were headed toward little ole me. He ran to me, scooped me up and ran towards the house where my mom had seen this transpiring and had opened up the door for him. He "threw" both of us into the house where we crashed to the floor. But hey, I am alive, so it was worth it.
  73. I am allergic to bee stings.
  74. A friend of my family almost killed me once. (I am not making this stuff up) We were on a float trip were he had harassed everyone on it the whole duration. He splashed and tormented and so on. (He is in his late 50's and can't swim) I told him that if he kept jacking with us that I was going to tip his boat once we stopped. He, as you can guess, didn't stop. As we were ending our float trip I went over to his canoe and started rocking it back and forth. Mind you, we were in less than 3' of water. I told Charlie that he shouldn't have kept up the annoying behavior.......I wasn't going to really tip him, but he didn't know that. He took out his paddle and hit me square over the head with it. After recovering from almost blacking out I took the edge of the canoe and pushed it down and over. I was mad that he hit me so hard. He stood up and I was still somewhat dizzy from the head trauma. He took me and pushed me under the water. It felt like forever. I began to panic somewhat because I was getting to the point I really needed air. Desperately. Finally I felt him let go and I raised up sucking in as much air as I could only to have him push me back under in mid breath. This time I knew I was a goner. I thought "I am going to die" and Steven, my sister and mom and dad and all other family members are going to be watching this happening and think that we are just playing. Finally, someone (come to find out it was my hero, Steven) shoved him off of me and pulled me out of the water. I remembered I couldn't breathe. My lungs were frozen. I was looking at everyones faces as if in slow motion. I could hear them talking to me and laughing but I felt as if I were already outside of my body and could only observe. Apparently they then realized something was wrong. My mom rushed towards me and started saying "are you OK?" All I could do was shake my head "No". She grabbed a hold of me and I believe someone started hitting me on the back. Then with an incredible, unexpected source, I coughed and water spewed out of my lungs.....continuously. It seems like forever that I kept having water come out of my mouth....instead of words. I was crying and essentially vomiting water up from my lungs. Finally it stopped and the paralyzing fear that came with the realization of what had almost happened set in. I don't think that the shaking stopped for hours. Oh, and by the way, of course I am still friends with the offender. I know that he would never have intentionally killed me. It was an accident.
  75. I have severe, and I mean SEVERE, seasonal allergies...with a touch of asthma.
  76. My family is currently in the market for a pop-up camper.
  77. I never had "guy friends" in school. Guys kinda freaked me out and I felt completely uncomfortable around them. I have overcome this somewhat. I would say there are some guys that still leave me feeling a little unsettled. Not in a good way, more in an "I don't know how to relate to you way." Aren't I weird?
  78. I took dance lessons and piano lessons when I was a child. No, not feminine ballet lessons, I am talking clogging lessons. Thanks mom!
  79. I don't have a favorite color. I think it depends on favorite color of, probably red. Shirts......probably black. (I think I have twenty different black shirts, but I only wear two of them. In fact I have one of the two on today)
  80. My husband burns old vegetable oil that has been used in restaurants and he gathers it and burns it is his diesel (greasel) truck.
  81. When I was a toddler I went to a swim park with my parents. I was scared to death of water. My dad promised me that if I went down the slide that he would catch me at the end. I did. He didn't.
  82. I once claimed "I AM A SMART GIRL" to a superior officer when I worked at a bank. I thought I knew more than he did.....and I still maintain that I am and I did.
  83. I think that people when using the drive-thru at a bank should be prepared. Have the deposit slips filled out, check endorsed and pen ready. It holds up the line and slows down progress.
  84. My mom's nickname is Cookie.
  85. Three different times in my life, when I was NOT PREGNANT, people asked me when my baby was due. Now don't get me wrong. I am not stick thin. But the biggest size I have ever been was a size ten, and I have to say that if anything, I am proportionately fat. So maybe they were just trying to be mean. I have to say they succeeded. Side note: I did not know these people from Adam. But they thought they knew me.
  86. When I was 17, and my sister was 7, I used to let her dress like me.
  87. My mom used to dress up for Halloween and trick-or-treat with me. Of course, we only went to friends and relatives houses.
  88. 99% of the time I wear only red, and shades of red, nail polish. Today, for some reason, probably Miss L's request, I have on pink.
  89. I love any and all nature programs on TV. Animals in their natural habitat amaze me. For instance, I recently learned that Polar bears are not white. Their skin is black and their hair is clear and hollow. They appear white because they reflect their surroundings. (Snow and Ice)
  90. I am a pessimist when it comes to myself and an optimist when it comes to others. (Please comment in the comment section if you actually made it here. I have a bet going that nobody will actually make it to 100.)
  91. I had a mullet in the sixth grade. Seriously.
  92. We had a longhorn cow that recently got its head stuck in a round bale feeder and apparently died of a heart attack. My husband decided that instead of cutting up the feeder to get the cow head out, he would just cut the head off. It is now mounted on a electric pole in our cattle pen.
  93. I have watched "Days of our Lives" since before I started school. My babysitter watched it and so did I. I remember actually having discussions about it with my third grade teacher. You know, plot, storyline, cliffhangers......
  94. I have lived in six different locations my whole life. All of them being within 20 miles of each other. The house I live in now is approx. 3 miles from the house I lived in when I was born. I have come full circle.
  95. I have seen, and heard, a ghost.
  96. I love peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. The more simple a meal is the more I love it.
  97. My dad wouldn't let me have velcro shoes when I was young because he felt it was important that I know how to tie my shoes. Same with a digital watch. He only let me have one with hands. At the time digital watches were cool.
  98. It takes much self control for me to hear a song I know, whether in the car, a store, at home, on tv, to not sing. I am a singer hear me roar.
  99. I really like to listen to Michael Jackson. Ya know, the old stuff. I totally crank it up, sing and do as much dancing as one can do while driving down the road. I am a dork. I have worried that if I have a wreck people will find out how much I like Michael.
  100. Finally! I have some of the best friends that a girl could have. Obviously they must not read this blog (0 comments) or if they do they do not let me know. So if you are lurking and not writing please know that. I feel more at home around all of you than I feel in the houses of many of my relatives. I feel that each friend brings out a different part of me, and generally they are parts of me I actually like. My friends have made me into the person that I am, and for that I am thankful.

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

Work in progress

I am currently working on a post entitled:
100 things about me.

This is nothing new. A lot of people do this. It is harder than it sounds.

I am currently on #61.

Maybe by will know more about me than you ever wanted to.

Friday, June 08, 2007

Summertime Fun

Yesterday we broke out the wading pool.... Miss L couldn't wait. After our trip to the zoo fell through we decided to pull out the pool.

So Miss L ran into the house and came out of her room with her swimsuit on and (almost) ready to swim.

Something....didn't ...quite.....look....right. Was it the fact that her bottoms were on sideways, with the skirt falling down over the top of one leg? Or the fact that her top was on backwards.....with her boobies showing? I am not sure.... Maybe this is the fashion these days. Miss L has always been a trend setter.

Call it a wardrobe malfunction, or whatever you would like. Momma had some adjusting to do before the big "pool par-tay".

Now, Mr B on the other hand, is a different story. His attire had to be...just right. You know, pool worthy. Right down to the life jacket. Because everyone knows life jackets are to be worn in the water.......right?

So, this is how are afternoon romp went. Kids in the pool, kids out of the pool. Kids in the pool, kids out of the pool. Kids in the pool, kids out of the pool.

I think you get the picture. Maybe it was the cold well water that they kept filling the pool up with, to then dump out onto the deck that kept them on their toes..... Either way, fun was had by all.

And although Miss L is always looking for an adventure (like her dad), yesterday Mr B was a little more on the safe side. I mean, really, a life jacket AND a floatation device in a 4" deep wading pool, with mom playing lifeguard? He was a picture of exercised caution.

And a cute one at that!

Friday, May 25, 2007

Lightning Fast

That is how quick that I developed my newest, most intense fear.

It happened last year, but I was reminded of it today with our less than stellar weather.

We were on vacation, nonetheless, when this developing took place.....

Yes, here I was, out with the family, immediate and extended, enjoying ten days of riding four-wheelers in the mountains.....

when BAM!, I turned into a freakin' scaredy cat to the core. And I must say, rightfully so.

Now my version of what happened varies from Steven's version. This is expected. He is, after all, a man. And well.... you know how men are.

The first day of riding was fairly uneventful....(snicker, snicker)....if you consider the descent and ascent of the Devils Punchbowl uneventful. (If you are wondering......check it out here. I do not know these people but their description is fairly accurate.)

The second day of riding, well, it didn't go as well. We started out going through the ghost town of Tin Cup, CO. We enjoyed breathtaking scenery...beautiful lakes, gorgeous mountain was truly picturesque. We crossed over the continental divide and made our descent into another ghost town, St. Elmo, and yes, this one did have a fire.......

After climbing to a lofty, 16,000+ feet, we returned the way we came, stopping to eat our packed lunch on the side of the road, in St. Elmo.

This, my friends, is where the fun began.......

Quicker than I ever thought possible, the sky turned pitch black. I MEAN BLACK. Rainfall-read: a downpour- seemed inevitable. We all donned our rain suits and started the trail back home, and yes, back over the continental divide. The group took off fast.....with the us being somewhere close to the back of the pack. We had to head through 10 miles of timber along the mountain side before the treeline stopped and we climbed the next 3 miles to the continental divide. We were making decent speed while trying to go slow enough not to jar us to death. The rain had started to come and I was shielding the kids from the onslaught. Although we had no roof, we had a windshield that took the brunt of the rain.

Yes, please take note, we (second from left) did indeed, have a windshield.......

We continued picking up speed to catch up with those ahead of us. We came upon my sister and her boyfriend in the middle of the trail.

"What are you doing Sarah?", I yelled up ahead to her, only to notice that she was crying. Hysterically.

"What is wrong with you?"

"Lightning! It hit not 20 feet over there" pointing her finger while sobbing.......

"Well," said me with my sisterly wisdom, "we aren't getting any closer to the trucks sitting here....we have got to get back..... Let's just continue on...."

So, we did. God, however, had other plans. AGAIN.

We, along with Sarah and Jason, made it approximately 50 feet when lightning streaked in front of us while our windshield, and only protection, simultaneously exploded.

And, yes, exploded is the only word that accurately describes what it did.

Folks, it did not look like this. Imagine a gazillion little pieces of glass in a 20 foot radius of the Ranger......

The kids were miraculously unharmed, and Steven and I only received a few minor cuts to our hands and faces.

Now it was my turn to be the one hysterically sobbing.

Picture, two women hysterically sobbing, two kids looking at us for answers why, and two men thinking we were nuts.

I still maintain that they, the men, were as scared as us, but couldn't (wouldn't) act like it.

We stayed put for approximately 30 minutes....the whole time Sarah begging to go back to the vacant church in St. Elmo. I wonder if she would still feel that way if she knew it was haunted?

Lucky for us, we managed to slide in behind the first storm and stay in front of the second as we skirted over the top of the Continental Divide. The other members of our group who went ahead of us got caught in wicked lightning and hail...... we managed to hardly even get wet. Once again, God slowed us down. And I am thankful......I would have preferred a deep gentle voice reminding me from somewhere beyond the mountain top, but instead, I got lightning......

and because of that, a goose bump raising fear anytime I hear the menacing sound of thunder.

If I am inside the house, I am good. If I am anywhere outside in the elements.... um, not so good.

As I said earlier, Steven and my story differs. And this is why:

He, in his I-am-a-man-i-know-everything-about-mountains-and-four-wheelers-way, thinks that apparently, we must have struck a rock at the EXACT, hear me, EXACT millisecond that the lightning flashed and SOMEHOW that caused the windshield to explode..... Um, sure. Whatever.

While I might not go as far as to claim that I have survived actually being struck, or rather, the Ranger actually being struck, by lightning, I do believe......with all of my scientific knowledge, that the extreme temperature change (cold, rainy mountain top vs. extremely HOT lightning bolt) caused our windshield to meet its demise. This makes sense to me. Because I am telling you, THE LIGHTNING WAS THAT CLOSE!

So, Sarah, as you are now on your relaxing, spa resort vacation, just think about how even if the weather is less than stellar where you are now....... it could be worse. Much worse.

Friday, May 18, 2007


Just some music to lead you into the weekend......

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

Simple Folk

That is what we are.

Weekends are generally spent working around the "ranch".

There is ALWAYS something to be done. We seem to be outside from daylight to dark during the summer, and you can easily note the arrival of summer by the black ring of dirt around the bathtub each night as the kids are given their baths.

It's seems like we have a lifetime worth of work to do, so we take frequent breaks. I mean, you can't work ALL of the time, right? We take:

Breaks to visit with friends and neighbors that have stopped by......
Breaks for that big glass of ice tea.......
Breaks to re-group..........
Breaks where you pull out the ole' lawn chair and relax.....
Breaks to watch the hummingbirds......
Breaks to run to grandma's house........

You name it. A break is a break. And a break is always welcomed.

I wanted to remember these times spent as a family......and since I take pictures of everything..... Well, what's one more? Even if we are grimey and sweaty.

Becca thought this one should be named: See no evil, speak no evil, and .......
what does that make Miss L? Evil? Not hardly!

Friday, May 11, 2007

The missing one......

I have noticed something missing when looking at and reading back over my blog.

There seems to be someone noticeably absent, at least in comparison to his sister.

Yep, that's right, Mr. B is missing in action.

It seems as if there are more stories and pics about his sister. And quite frankly, this isn't fair, and I need to change it.

At first I didn't have any pics of him here at work that I thought were suitable. I mean some were actually quite pitiful. This one for instance:

In fact, Becca told me that he looked like he needed to be on a donation can at either a convenience store or Wal-Mart. He isn't. In fact, it isn't as bad as it looks. He just has what turns out to be allergy induced asthma and it seems as if breathing treatments are becoming pretty regular in our household. However, if anyone feels so inclined to donate anyway, don't hesitate to email me and I am sure that we can set something up......

Mr. B generally doesn't sit still for very long. Breathing treatments are one of the rare times. In fact he is a true busy body. Or as most people say.... "he is all boy".

In February he had tubes put in his ears. Everybody warned us that many times the child is disoriented and agitated once waking from the anesthesia. At the very least, "they" said that he would be drowsy most of the day. Does this look drowsy to you?

Me neither. He awoke minutes after the procedure, arms up, ready to be held---and ready to charm the nurses. Which he did. Effortlessly. He even waved bye-bye to them as we left the recovery room. This, of course, received the "Aw, isn't he cute" response that he was looking for. What can I say, he IS a ham.

Mr. B keeps me busy like Miss L never did.

She was the nice, content child that did as told and stayed where put. Ummm, not Mr. B.

Has my parenting technique changed? I don't think so.
Am I more lenient on the "baby"? Not intentionally.
Has he got me where he wants me? Absolutely.

Both of my kids do. I am a sucker. I fall deliberately, and hard, into their tiny hands and they do with me as they will.

We still have rules. They still have to mind. But......well, if you are a parent, you understand the "but". It is put in place every time you look at someone else's child and think "if that were my child" and then when it is your child.......that little "but" comes sneaking up on you again.
"Mr. B may be climbing on the furniture....BUT he is really wound up because he didn't have a nap."
You know the drill. It is that "but" that every parent has the right to exercise. It -"the but"- is a right that sets your children apart from others. It is what makes them your own.

The "but" is what keeps you from seeing all their I know my children our blind to mine. They think that I can do anything and fix anything. This is the glory of being a parent. At least a parent to young children.

I know that this too will change. Soon, and very soon, I will be:

The mother who doesn't know anything.
The mother that is old-fashioned.
The mother that embarrasses her children.
The mother that is over-protective.
But for now, I am just Mommy. The "do-er and knower" of all.

And although, this is without a doubt the scariest position I have ever is equally the most fulfilling.

I love my kids. They are the only gift I will ever need for Mother's Day. Well, unless they just want to get me something......

Monday, May 07, 2007

It's not easy being a cowgirl......

Just ask Miss L, she would know since she IS a cowgirl and all.
There are the good times and bad.
Riding Peanut.....good.
Losing your cowboy boots.....bad.
Selling your calf, Candyland, that you bottle fed and raised yourself.....very bad.
In fact, its very, very bad. So bad that the mere announcement that the time had come to sell Candyland, as we do all of our half-grown calves, brought on an onslaught of tears and pleas heard through the hiccuping cry of a four year old.

Steven assured Miss L that this is what we do.....we sell the calves. This is in part how we make a living..... It is necessary. He pointed out that we were aware that this calf was special (and no, not special because of her special....uh, hum...abilities) ....but because this calf was hers and Mr. B's. This money would go to them. She could put her half in the bank and save it to by something a cow to make more calves.
Miss L was not going to hear of it. She decided she didn't want her own cow to make her own calves and she didn't want money.....she just wanted Candyland.
Steven pleaded for her understanding. He explained how she would go to the sale barn and go home to a new family and make new friends. And then, Steven, appealing to the girly "princess" side of Miss L, exclaimed: "You can help me get her ready to sale. We will comb her hair and brush her tail.....It will be fun!"
Miss L perked up and I could see the wheels turning...."We need to make her pretty?"
Steven: Yes, that will help her bring more money....
Miss L: "So I can fix her hair?"
Steven: Yes, won't that be fun...
Miss L: "Can I put make-up on her too?"
Steven: (not missing a beat) Sure! Why not? We will make her so pretty!
And that, my friends, is what it took for a little girl to feel good about sending Candyland to market, so we rolled with it, and Steven stood good on his word.

The next morning we penned Candyland up and ran her through the head catch and Steven commenced to brushing out her hair and Miss L ran to get some make-up.

Although, she had actual eye shadow, Miss L didn't want to "waste" it on the calf, so she used a bright pink lipstick as eyeshadow.
Steven held the tube so she could "reapply" as needed.
Although this type of treatment isn't given to all of our calves, if Candyland brings a record price, this may be the start of something big. You know, kinda raising the bar for others.
I mean, tell me folks, what man could resist this calf batting her eyelashes at them as she walks through the sale barn pen?

If putting make up on her calf makes her feel better about it leaving .....then it was time, and make up, well spent.
(Sorry all of the paragraphs kinda ran together.....for some reason it wasn't recognizing my line spacing?)

Friday, May 04, 2007


That is how I feel.

When I started this blog a little over a year ago, it was at the insistence of a couple of friends.

A way to keep in contact and keep laughing, throughout the work day.

A year later one of the friends is no longer blogging and the other friend only blogs....occasionally.

With or without them I have very few readers, yet that is OK.

This whole blog world is new to me, yet very intriguing. These blogs allow you to peek into someones life and view what is going on in their world. Sometimes it is very superficial and fun, and other times, it is much more deep and intimate, leaving you feeling like you very much know this person......this person you very much DON'T know.

I read stories of people investing so much of their time and energy striving to make the world better and I am inspired..... yet I find myself at a loss of what to do, and armed with an arsenal of excuses of why I can't do anything.

I want to be the person who gives selflessly, but at the end of the day I feel like I have nothing left to give. Am I bad? Rationally I know that everyone is born having something of value to offer. I guess I need to figure out what that is.

Sure I donate money every now and then. Not enough to make a dent, but some. Yet this too feels inadequate. I feel called to do more. But I sit here not knowing what.

Soon, hopefully, very soon, I will get this ball in motion.

Wednesday, April 25, 2007


**This morning while getting Miss L and Mr B ready to go, Miss L started talking about "way back when" she was a baby.

Miss L:"I was this little".....she said, as she scrouched down into the squatting fetal position.

Me: Yes, you were my baby...and still are, but now we have Mr. B too.

Miss L: "Where did we get him?"

Me: hummmm, lets see. Where did we get him? Good question.(thinking to self, "these are really hard questions coming from a 4 year old) Well, mommy and daddy decided that we needed him in our family.

Miss L:"I came out of your belly. Whose belly did Mr. B come out of?"

Me: Mr. B came out of my belly too.

Miss L: "No! He shouldn't come out of YOUR belly. He's a boy.....he should have come out of daddy's belly. "

Me: You know, good point. I had never thought of it like that. Makes sense to me. I wonder what was up with that.

**I saved a bird today. Single handedly. Me. Myself. well, and I too.

I was sitting at my desk when a sound like someone trying to get in the front door made me look up. I was surprised to see a good sized bird lying down, shaking its head, obviously just trying to fly through the front door. I watched for awhile as it shook its head and got up. It took a few steps then fell over onto its back and started flapping its wings to fly.......all while lying down.

I couldn't watch the suffering anymore. Arming myself with a pen, I went outside and bent down to inspect the birds respiratory rate.

It WAS breathing.

I then made the critical decision to turn it onto its stomach with the assistance of the pen. I had did all that I could it was up to the bird.

It. Did. Not. Disappoint.

All of this work and I still didn't get anything for secretaries day......

** Am I the only one that is disgusted with the Bratz dolls. Someone got Miss L one for her birthday and I wanted to jerk it out of her little hands and go burn it. Immediately.

There is something severly wrong with dolls that are dressed like tramps, with make up on and excess jewelry.

I am one of those freak mothers that still wants to dress my child in innocent looking sundresses, hair in pigtails with bows and clean white sandals....... Apparently I am SOOOOO not cool.

**Today while leaving the local supercenter, I noticed an Escalade with its door open. Upon taking note of the nice woodgrain trim in the interior, I began thinking:

"Why is it that when you see plastic woodgrain trim in a vehicle you, thats a nice rig..." yet you would never leave someones house after checking out their plastic "wood" furniture and think......"They must be rich....all of that faux wood! WOW"

** Last night I had my kids in the bathtub. Both at the same time. We do this frequently. BUT, that may have to stop.

As the kids were playing in the water and enjoying themselves, Mr. B gave Miss L a hug. Miss L hugged him back and said "your my best friend!" and then she pulled out of the hug and.....well,....grabbed his..... Ummm. YES. She did it! She grabbed his family jewels and pulled! Worse yet and yes, it can get worse, HE LOVED IT. He giggled and belly laughed the kind of laugh that makes you short of breath.

"Miss L!" I exclaimed, trying not to laugh myself, "WE DON"T TOUCH MR. B's pee-pee. No way, Jose. He doesn't touch yours, you don't touch his."

Geez! My kids will be in counseling before they start school and shortly after DFS comes and hauls me away.

Monday, April 23, 2007

Because she said so

God visited my Grandma yesterday. She told me this, and I believe her.

My Grandma is 88 years old. She has always been in excellent health. Let me tell you, this lady is a worker. She and my grandfather, worked their whole lives. Sometimes they would both work on their farm, and sometimes one of them would find work in town. Whatever it took. Together they had six children, my father being the next to youngest. All six children were raised with the same work ethic. Faith, family and hard work are the "things" that would get you through life. This principal belief allowed them to run and sustain this family farm up to the present day.

My grandpa passed away in 1998. March 30th to be exact.

Since that date there has been an almost tangible absence at my grandma's house. Even when we are all gathered together, 12 aunts and uncles, 10 grandchildren and their spouses, and 17 great-grandchildren - all crammed together in their tiny house - using the floor to sit down because their aren't enough chairs..... there is still an absence and a void.

My grandma would never voice her loneliness. It seems as if people from that generation aren't great at expressing emotion.... The words "I love you" are seldom said.......BUT always shown. There is no prying into anyone's business. There was always acceptance. Even if she didn't necessarily agree with someone, or their beliefs, she accepted them and loved them.

We always knew the loneliness was there. She replaced their full size bed with a twin bed only weeks after he died. She just recently told me that one night she reached over to make sure Grandpa was doing alright.....and was awakened with the realization that he wasn't there- and never would be. Not ever wanting to experience that again, she went the next day and got a different bed.......

Unfortunately, the past couple of years have proved to be a bit harder for Grandma. She has been plagued with a persistent cough that seems to elude every doctor. This is no dry, hacking cough. This is a crippling cough that the sheer force of it, combined with the embarrassment she feels when a "spell" hits in front of others, keeps her at home.

On days when she feels better, she heads outdoors and in the spring and summer, hangs out her laundry, in the fall picks up walnuts and rakes the leaves........Wanting to be as independent as possible. However, after last months visit to the circus she has progressively declined. There haven't been any good days.

Of course, she wouldn't say that. She maintains that she is alright. Just not as good as she would like.

The rest of us, seem to understand. Weight loss, no appetite, loss of memory... I mean, it is the natural progression of things. She is 88.

Of course, no one wants to voice it.

Yesterday, hubby, the kids, and I, rode the tractor over to her house to bring back some panels. We went in to see her and she had just finished a breathing treatment and was ready for company.

As we sat there talking, my Grandma told me that a while back she lost her wedding ring. She wore two on her finger - a wide band, and a smaller band. As she started losing weight, she told me that she realized that she should've taken them off. Everyday that she wore them she was taking a risk. But she didn't want to remove them. A few weeks ago the dreaded happened. The ring was gone, leaving an absence on her finger more obvious, to the casual observer, than the one in her heart.

However, yesterday, as she got up from "her chair" she happened to look in between her feet. There on a throw rug was her ring.

She was amazed.....and I don't think the word amazed does it justice. She told me how she had scoured the house....shook out the rugs, looked everywhere that she knew to look and it was no where to be found.

There was no logical explanation of how that ring got there. But like the love that is not spoken of, but is shown and deeply felt in your soul, the same feeling was felt in hers. She knew exactly how the ring got there.

"Somebody put that ring there. God meant for me to have it back and He put it there. I know it. I shook out that rug and have repositioned it numerous times....... God meant for me to have it back."

I agreed. It seemed so obvious to me. I could feel it.

Later that afternoon more of my aunts and uncles showed up along with my parents. I heard her recount the story of the lost ring. My uncles of course, being the men that they are, stated that it had to have been there the whole time, or possibly it fell out of the chair onto the rug......or was kicked onto the rug. It had to be explained....

Grandma just listened....but I could tell she wasn't convinced. Neither was I.

If my grandma thought that the hand of God had placed that ring there for her to find....that is good enough for me. I believe it too.

Thursday, April 19, 2007

Is it just me..............

or is anybody else feeling a little sorry for Sanjaya, even though I NEVER wanted him to win? In fact, he was the one that made me want to jump out of my chair and scream..."What are you people thinking?????????????"

or is the lady that called into our local radio station nuts or am I wrong for wondering why she thinks that it is up to her decide what songs are played and what songs aren't? I mean, seriously! This morning I was driving along listening to Chris Daughtry's version of "Rocketman" -which I love- and as soon as the song was over, this ignorant woman calls in and says..."Don't EVER play that song again! It is terrible! No one should mess with Elton John........" This left me wondering who appointed her gatekeeper of all songs being broadcast out on the airways....................

or is it really odd that the Fed Ex delivery guy brought me a package to work today that was to be delivered to my home.....and that it was originally on another truck and when the driver asked him where that road was he says "Give it to me... I will just take it to her work..." Yet, I have NO idea who he is.......or what his name is.

Tuesday, April 17, 2007

Big weekend.........

This weekend was a big weekend for Miss L.



In fact, this weekend ranked right up there with getting her pony. And that is BIG! Because, our Miss L, is a self-proclaimed cowgirl, and everyone knows that a cowgirl HAS to have a horse.

However, this weekend was almost as big as it gets for a little girl. That’s right. This weekend was Miss L’s birthday. Her 4th one to be exact.

She had talked about this weekend for over a month. Each time the conversation was pulled in the direction of the party, it was obvious that she needed, and wanted, reassurance that indeed, it was going to happen.

Last Wednesday, as we were in the home stretch she asked me, “Momma, I will go to sleep, get up, stay home with you, go to sleep, get up and go to Miss Jen’s, go to sleep and THEN GO TO CHUCK E CHEESE? Right, momma, right? Right? And then the next day I have ANOTHER party? Right?”

Being the nice people that we are we decided that we would have two parties, one at Chuck E’s and one at home. Although we can’t think of anything that we would rather do than go to Chuck E’s, except for maybe sticking a dagger in my eye, we recognize that the grandparents and great-aunts and uncles and cousins might want to side step the “cheesy” fun and head straight for the cake

To say that she was excited would be a grotesque understatement. By the way that she was acting you would think that she was kept in the basement 364 days a year, only to be let out once a year to celebrate her birthday. Oh, our poor pitiful children.

When Saturday came, it was anything but a spring day. The temperature was below freezing and snow and ice was falling out of the sky. But being super charged with energy because we apparently relinquish our parental duties the other 364 days a year, we forged ahead.

Of course, Chuck E. was a hit.

On the way home, we had a little surprise for Miss L. She had asked for a kitten (an outside kitten) for her birthday. Someone had informed us of a family that had kittens that would be ready to find new homes on the 30th and even though she wouldn't be immediately able to take it home, we were going to take her to pick one out.

We had soooo much fun that day that we had to go home and take naps in order to revamp for Day 2 of the birthday party weekend. Whoo-Hoo!

I think that Miss L was more excited about everyone showing up to, in essence, celebrate her, than she was about the presents. Every time someone else arrived the bliss escalated even higher.

But don’t get me wrong. It is not to be said that she wasn’t excited about presents, because, well…….that would be untrue. After about an hour of chit chat, Miss L, decided that it was time to get down to business. It was, officially, present time!

She opened every gift, down to the last one, with the same level of excitement. She could barely tear the gifts open fast enough. Each present-whether it was something needed, like clothing or something wanted, like crowns, make-up and jewelry -was welcomed with an abundant amount of enthusiasm and I am proud to say, appreciation. She handed out genuine “Thank you’s” freely.

After supper and cake and ice cream, I could tell that the past two days had caught up with Miss L. She was winding down, her eyelids getting heavy, and her steps growing slower. People started to gradually leave.

After everyone left we got ready for bed. Miss L climbed onto my bed while I was still finishing up for the day.

I could tell she was thinking and it was something profound, to be sure.



I CAN be a princess……………….

AND a cowgirl??????

Why, yes, you can! You, Miss L, can be anything you want to be and anything that you set your mind to. Always know, that no matter what road you decide to take, or direction you may go, your daddy and I love you beyond words. Happy Birthday, princess cowgirl.