I might as well be writing about radioactive spiders and kryptonite.

As I walked into Wal-Mart, my phone rang.

Hello?

It was my friend, Andrea, telling me how she had finished another Janet Evanovich book....

I had turned her onto the Stephanie Plum series a few weeks prior. She was hooked.

We chatted awhile and she said, "Did you get it?"

"No."

"Where are you?"

"Wal-Mart."

"Get it now!"

Having always been the type that follows and doesn't 'rock the boat', I knew that I had to. I only wish I would have been prepared.

You see, I needed a disguise. Hat. Sunglasses. The whole works.

Maybe even the glasses with the nose and mustache attached.

I casually sauntered over to the shelf and retrieved the item, glancing around to see if anyone had noticed. Making a b-line for the register I was relieved when I arrived without interruption, unloaded my stuff onto the conveyor, and casually made conversation with the checkout girl.

As she began to scan the item that I had diligently covered up with other merchandise, the tiny, little pre-teen girl in line behind me let out a squeal and exclaimed....."TWILIGHT! I love that book!"

Great.

I was outed. I didn't even want to buy the stupid book. Why did I have to agree to read it if Andrea would read the books I suggested?

I tried to conjure up a little bit of pride and while walking backwards explained away my purchase before turning and darting out the door.

Okay, maybe it didn't happen quite like that. But close. Really close.

***************

I couldn't believe I was going to read a book about Vampires. I mean, come on. I like stories I can relate to. I am not into the supernatural. I don't watch Star Wars.... never liked scary movies with monsters. I want my entertainment to be real.....possible.....

I made my way back to work and since the afternoon was a slow one, I decided that I would go ahead and get it over with.

I opened the book.

I read for two hours straight at work. Left. Picked up the kids from daycare. Came home...read while peeing on the toilet. Got ready to go Branson to see the Christmas lights and then read, by light of my cell phone, all the way to Branson as Steven shook his head beside me.

And then again on the way back home.

I woke up the next morning and read for an hour and a half.....and finished the book.

Like an addict needing his next hit, I couldn't get to Wal-Mart fast enough to purchase the sequel, "New Moon".

I was entrenched in the story, I was in love with the characters and I was as sexually frustrated as a 32 year old woman could be. (Steven later took care of that....ahem....)

Suffice it to say that I read all four books in a weeks time.

I could not, and still can't, believe that young kids are reading these books.

Was I the only one affected in this way? Has some sort of twisted desire been deprived for too long?

You will just have to trust me, but I don't think so.

In February a group of 15 friends went to see the movie.


I found that I was definitely NOT alone. In fact, have yet to meet someone who has read the book that didn't find themselves drawn in.

That alone helps some of the shame fade away yet I still find myself apologizing that I would read such a book.

You know, kind of how a addict knows that what he is doing is wrong.

We He I just can't help it.



I am getting my next hit on Saturday.

Who knew....?

Seventeen years ago today, I went on my first date ever. It happened to be with my husband.

Yep. I was hooked from the beginning and starting at the ripe old age of 16, dated him for 8 years.

In twelve days, we will celebrate our 9th wedding anniversary.

****************

I have touched on the drama that surrounded our "courtship".

I attribute much of it to our young age.

In fact, almost daily I am surprised by the fact that we seem to be "normal"...and I use that term loosely...adults.

Maybe it is good not to be too normal? Right?

I mean, because of him I laugh almost daily. He has a way of making the most mundane things funny.

For instance.....

Last night as I was going through my nightly bedtime ritual, Steven jumped in the shower. As he finished up, he stepped out, elaborately wrapped the towel around his wet hair in the form of a turban (yes, as I would do), stepped in front of the full length mirror and began flexing his muscles and posing.

Then, as if none of that had just transpired, he peered into the mirror, stroked his 'beard' and commented how nice his facial had hair looked since the beginning of "No-Shave November". He then removed the turban and began elaborately feathering his hair, YES, I said 'feathering his hair', back. The hair that is always covered in a cowboy hat.

All I could do is laugh at the absurdity.

******************

I hope that everyone gets to experience these kind of silly, crazy, sometimes stupid moments with their loved one.

You know the kind. I know that I do.

Moments where I find myself wondering how in the world I ended up with this man.....and thanking God at the same moment that I did.

Prayers...

Stellan can use them....now!

I do not personally know Stellan or his mother, but she has touched me through her blog, www.mycharmingkids.net .

Please be praying for Stellan today.

You can visit her blog and follow her on twitter for updates.

Thanks!

If you ever had any doubts about my dorkiness....

Last Friday night, I went on a quick trip with a friend and our kiddos.

We left the school after the kid's Halloween parties and headed on our way. The trip was a quick one and we arrived back to town just over two hours later.

On the return home my friend and I was talking about all the excitement that our small town had seen in the last week; One, our hometown bank was robbed at gunpoint and two, there was a high speed chase through several counties ending just five miles from town.

During the course of the conversation, my friend mentioned that she wondered just how the interstate could be closed off ....especially allowing enough time for the spikes to be laid down. (You know, the spikes that deflate the tires.)

I told her that, indeed, they do shut the interstate down and that I knew this first hand. Many years ago, on my way to a gynecologist appointment (of all places), I found myself on the interstate with NO ONE around except a couple other cars. Moments after realizing that something was amiss, I noticed the car, presumably the one causing the pursuit was heading down the interstate, in my direction, in my lane, followed by the most Highway Patrol cars that I have ever seen in one place.

Needless to say, I was fine, spikes were laid down, traffic was stopped....but the car jumped the median, ended up on the outer road and wasn't stopped until many hours and counties had passed.

The point of this story is that, although my friend has only known me for a little over a year, she wasn't surprised that I would end up in this, less than stellar, situation.

***************

She dropped me back off at my car and the kids and I headed home.

I got home and started to unload the car and sort and divide the candy, treats and costumes. Amid all of the shuffling it became obvious that I had forgotten my camera....somewhere.

Normally I keep it in my purse but when arriving at school, in time for the party, I had transferred only the essential items over into a pumpkin basket....keys, phone, camera.

I took tons of pictures and tried not to be too sentimental over the fact that my baby was in the FIRST GRADE.

As the party started to round up and kids started getting ready to leave for the day, I helped the teacher pick up and then headed down to my friends classroom, and we then left on our escapade.

Because of this I knew my camera was either in L's classroom, my friends classroom or in her van.

Wasn't it?

I called her and left a message because I was really needing some piece of mind. I was already constructing a "call list" in my mind of parents I could call to see if they had any of the pics I would have lost....B's preschool party, B's daycare party and L's 1st grade party....

My stomach hurt just thinking about it.

She called back and she had checked her van...to no avail.

Then, she told me that she was needing to run to the school and she would just meet me up there. (Likely story)

We met and I ran into the school to retrieve my camera.

It wasn't there.

I checked both classrooms. We scourged her van, again!

It wasn't there.

In an effort to calm my fears....the fears that I thought I was doing a good job of hiding....my friend called some of her school contacts to get the number of the elementary secretary (on a Friday night, at 8:00 pm) to see if my camera had been turned into the "lost and found"....

No one had her number and it was unlisted.

Without me knowing who she was calling, my (sneaky) friend called the school principal. She found out that, indeed, a camera HAD been turned in. Then she was told where it was put.

I was relieved and felt indebted to my friend. She ran into the school and returned a few minutes later. Her words WEREN'T comforting.

She informed me that, once inside, she discovered that something was locked and, you guessed it, the principal had the key. While inside she called the principal, and she said that she would return to the school AT EIGHT O'CLOCK ON A FRIDAY EVENING, to get my camera that I had left in my absent mindedness.

OK, the absent mindedness part was my own thoughts....but still.

My friend suggested that I get my car and pull it around to the closest entrance and that we would wait for her there.

I got into my car and realized that I couldn't even turn the key.

Nice.

**************

You see, a little over a year ago, we bought a car. My primary vehicle had been a Ford F150 quad cab and when gas reached $4 a gallon.....well, it wasn't a very economical choice, especially when I was driving several miles to work, three days a week. One day, while looking around Craigslist I found a four door Saturn for $1500, with only 91,000 miles.

Jackpot.

I put a "pen to it" and figured that if the car made it until October (2008) that it would have paid for itself just in the gas money saved alone.

It wasn't a fancy car...obviously, but it wasn't in bad shape and it ran well.

The only complaints that I had was that the dark green color was NOT a good choice when living on a gravel road, the small size and the fact that occasionally the steering wheel would "lock", preventing the key from even turning in the ignition, then without reason, it would turn and you could go on your way.

***************

Friday night, of course, the key didn't even want to turn. Not even a little bit. As I sat in my car, after what felt like hours, I could just imagine that the principal would arrive, not only to retrieve my camera but to give me a lift home.

I jerked the steering wheel, this way and that, hoping that something would give.

As the panic started rising, the key turned and the car started right up.

I breathed a little easier and pulled the car on around.

The principal came, the camera was retrieved, thanks was given and I was ready to get home.

My friend told me she would wait and see if the car would start again.

It did, without hesitation. We laughed at my luck and went our separate ways. I noticed that the gas tank was low and pulled into a gas station. As I looked inside I noticed that a girl I had went to school with was working the counter. Considering the fact that I had jumped out of the bathtub and headed to town when I got word, I knew that I was looking pretty haggard and worn. I decided that the "pay at the pump" option would be best.

You see, this girl, back in Jr. High, had made my life miserable. I was a follower. I wanted desperately to be accepted. It seemed like some girls picked up on this immediately and manipulated it to fit their agenda.

She was one of these girls. My experience with her was not a good one.

I heard the familiar "click", jumped out of the car, grabbed my receipt, jumped back in and shut the door behind me.

Finally.

After what was supposed to be a short trip had turned into a hour and a half escapade, I was ready to get home.

I held my breath and then breathed a sigh of relief when the key turned. Thankfully it wasn't locked.

My relief was short lived when I realized that when it turned....it turned ALL THE WAY, and nothing.

No crank, no fire, nothing.

Lights shining brightly, radio blaring loudly. Obviously not the battery....but nothing.

I tried again.

Still....nothing.

I glanced over my shoulder to see my schoolmate walking back and forth, occasionally glancing outside, probably wondering why I hadn't left since I had already paid.

I called Steven and in a very condensed and exasperated version, told him what was going on. He told me he would be there shortly.

Not wanting to draw any attention to myself, I glanced inside, waited for her to move behind some food display, and then opened the car door and with ONE foot outside I pushed as hard as I could.

You know the small size that I had cursed before? Well, this time it came in pretty handy.

With one foot out, I pushed my car out of in front of the convenient store, until it picked up momentum, allowing it to coast to a stop in front of the nearby Laundromat.

I laughed at the absurdity of some of the situations I get into.

I called another friend who has known me since college and shared with her my current dilemma.

As I waited for Steven she got a play by play account, and when reaching the part of the story depicting the key turning without so much of a hint of its intended purpose, I turned the key again, as if to make sure that this was actually happening to me. It was. I said, "Can you believe it?" She laughingly replied, "This is you we are talking about....of course I can believe it!"

As Steven pulled in beside me I hung up and waited for him to come to my side. I opened my door and said, "Let me show you the symptoms..." He tried to tell me that he would see for himself but I beat him to it by turning the key myself.

The freaking car started right up!

He looked at me, shook his head, turned silently and got back into the truck.

In separate vehicles, we both drove back home.

*******************

The next day I forgot my camera at the church's Halloween party.

******************

Folks, I can't even make this stuff up.

Come on....somebody back me up.

**First off, let me say that I appreciate all of you coming forward- not to mention the nice things that were said.

I never intended on it sounding like I was quitting, because, well, I'm not. Rather, it was because I like to know who is "listening". I do this whole blogging "gig" because I enjoy having a piece of "recorded history" not because I care if anyone else reads. That being said, when I see the site meter go up and I know that people are out there, I can't help but wonder who. Then, when I write and no one comments, I get to thinking maybe I am just a freak show. (Wait! Definitely don't comment on that!) Considering my blog "recorded history" might be stretching it a little, considering what I write about but, still, I don't want to forget these days of my life......

(key soap opera music)

*******

Carrying on.

I have written many times about my husband. Generally it is while I am singing his praises as a hard worker and the hands-down, best dad, I have ever had the privilege of knowing. Occasionally you get a glimpse of his bad timing.

He is a great guy. Sure, there are times that I would argue why he isn't "that great"....but don't we all have those times?

Last night, I started thinking about this blog and how there is one side of Steven that I haven't adequately portrayed.

His sense of humor.

You see, most people upon meeting my husband, comment on his quietness and how that is in direct conflict with my lack thereof.

(Seriously, what are they saying?)

But, what people find out is that my husband is the sneaky kind of quiet. You know, the kind of quiet that leaves people unassuming until WHAM, he issues that "one liner" that leaves everyone laughing and shaking their heads.

Together, we have had some good times.

However, many times our joking sometimes blurs the lines of material that other couples might deem as "off limits".

Case in point:

A couple of years ago my husband was working for a gentleman that had been married for several years. When joking once with my husband, he revealed that he and his wife had picked out "back ups".

Steven asked what he meant by a "back up" and he (laughingly) explained that they didn't want to have to spend unnecessary time looking for someone to fill their spouses shoes if something were to happen to them.

So, as you can imagine, since then Steven and I have worked tirelessly to find someone that we deem worthy of being our "back up".

I offer suggestions to him on girls that might work, and generally he weeds through them fairly quickly. In fact, I have to laugh that his criteria has now shifted to someone that is -and I quote - "a little trashy" and wears boots.....with it being an added bonus if they are blond.

Ahem.

I am not blond.

The trashy-ness is up in the air and I have only been known to wear boots...sometimes.

I don't know about you but I think his "type" might have changed over the last 17 years.

I, on the other hand, am not even sure what my requirements are....but being able to cook for me would be a definite bonus.

*****************

About six months ago Steven thought that he had spotted a potential back up, pumping her gas at the gas station. He tried to describe her to me and I would try and see if I thought I knew her. I didn't.

Finally, one day we pulled up to the grocery store and he spotted her vehicle. He told me to look for her inside.

I looked and I found.

It was the boots that gave her away, oh, and the bleached blond hair.

Now...please don't get me wrong. She seemed perfectly nice- if a person can "seem nice" as you are watching from a distance. But you see, I am picking out someone for my husband and when I saw her...I couldn't help but think that he could do better.

Seriously.

Once I checked out and returned to the truck I informed him that he had set his sights entirely too low.

He claimed that it was 5:30 a.m. when he saw her and maybe it was too dark to really judge her very well.

Then.... we knew that he was back to square one.

Please note, that I, had never moved from square one.

************

A couple of weeks ago I called to see if Steven could pick up L from school. He said that he could and laughed. I asked him what was so funny and he said, "Do you think Mrs. ***** will be helping the kids in the car today?"

I said, "Hmmm, I don't know. Is she your new back up?"

He answered...."I think she might be....."

*************

A few days after this conversation we went over to the home of one of Steven's friends. He trains horses and he and Steven had bonded over their shared love of horses and buggies. They both had a trail ride they were participating in that coming weekend. Justin was supposed to pull a wagon and give rides....and he joked that he was hoping it was to attractive cowgirls. Not because he needed a back-up, because Justin is single. I think he just needed....well....hmmm.

I think we all know what he "needed"...and I use the term "needed" loosely.

As you can imagine the conversation, somehow, went South - as it generally does when you are around men.

What? That doesn't happen around you?

Anyway, during the course of the conversation I revealed to Justin that my husband has "back-ups" or at the very least, is always looking for one. I, on the other hand, hadn't ever found one.

I told him that Mrs. ***** was Steven's new back up. Justin nodded. He thought that she was a good choice. I told him that he had better watch out because Steven would be sizing up all those women he was hoping to cart around, especially the tall, thin, blond cowgirls.

That is when Justin said, "I would rather my women be too big, than too small."

Time stopped.

I raised my eyes to meet Steven's. He smiled. Then we laughed.

He turned to Justin and said, "I think Kim has just found her back up. She might even be in love."

Later, as we were rounding up to leave, something was said about Justin finding a woman and he made the comment, "Big Daddy (yes, that is what he referred to himself as) isn't looking."

I think I was just turned down as having a possible "back up".

This is High School all over again. Hhhmmmpppff.
**************

When dropping L off at school one day, I stopped in and was talking to a couple of friends of mine who teach at the school. They were talking about husbands and jealousy and I mentioned that I think, some how, some way, Steven and I beat that horse to death during our eight years of dating.

Jealousy wasn't an issue we struggled with.

I related to my friends that if anyone should be jealous it would be me. We laughed at the fact that even into adulthood, many things don't change.

Back in the day, Steven had many girlfriends. However, Steven was MY only boyfriend.

"See what I mean about things not changing? I mean, even Justin didn't want to be MY backup."

We laughed and then went on our separate ways.

******************

Unfortunately for Steven, he later found out that Mrs. ***** is apparently not a good match for him. That is unless he wanted to live with a "terror". Yes, I do believe that was the exact words used to describe her from people who "know".

Now Steven, too, is back at square one.

However, as sometimes happens in small towns, I think that Mrs. ***** caught wind of her initial title as "back up" and hasn't heard that she isn't anymore.

Steven, when picking up L, has gotten some extra smiles and a wink when loading L into the car.

OK. I totally made up the last part about the wink, but still. :)

So, although he has moved on, she hasn't.


I just feel so sorry for him! ;)

Lurkers,....come out, come out, wherever you are.

I have been thinking about my blog lately.

A little over a year ago I started blogging again. I had quit blogging for over a year and I went back and read some of the things I had written about my kids, I knew that I didn't want to lose those thoughts. So, I started again.

Then I started hearing from some people that "claim" to read my blog. I thought, "Wow, people actually READ what I write? Interesting... Kind of creates pressure, but still, interesting". That being said, you would never know it from the comment section.

NOBODY EVER COMMENTS. OK, Sarah. You comment, but you are my sister and you HAVE to.

So, I am issuing this request. If you are a lurker who reads and doesn't comment, please do. You don't have to tell me who you are, but I think it might be interesting to see who is really out there.....or not.

(This will be the post NO ONE comments on! Take my word for it!)

Anyway, considered yourself challenged.

Longing...

This month has been hectic and it seems as if a million things have been going on.

On top of that, the rush that takes place every night to get the kids into bed "on time" so they get enough rest for school is enough to wear a person out.

As I was going through my pics I saw this one, and it made me miss summer, longer days and lazy nights spent together just enjoying life and one another.

Only seven more months until summer vacation.