Friday, April 13, 2007

The new me.....

.....or maybe not.

But I am going to reinvent/recreate myself. Maybe redirect would be a better way to describe what I am going to do.

All of this "re"-ing brought on by depression and a quote.

The quote was given to a friend of mine (Becca to be exact) at her wedding. It was: "Have no expectations."

Simple enough, 'huh? At first glance you would think so. But after you toss in back in forth in your head awhile, it becomes more profound. Or at least it did, for me.

I have decided that most of my discontent in life stems from my expectations. Expectations for my life, for my family, for my friends and most importantly, for myself.

I don't think that having expectations is the same as having goals. Goals, at least to me, seems to be something that you work towards. Something to strive for.....something to attain.

Whereas, expectations seem to be just something that you.....well....ummmm....expect. Period.

I think that a lot of the unhappiness or discontent I feel with my life is due to expectations that I have as well as expectations others have of me.

Sometimes the two do not mix well.

So, alas this is the day that I am going to try to stop expecting my life and my relationships to be something they are not, and start appreciating, and celebrating, what they are. Good and bad.

All of this starting with my new haircut.....that my boss still doesn't know if he likes.

Maybe not such a great start.

But wait!!!!! I didn't EXPECT for him to like it.....


The Sour Kraut said...

You remind me so much of myself. I too have very high standards of myself and those around me. I don't think you can really change yourself, but you can accept (and embrace) the way you are. I hate to hear that you have discontentedness in your life.

Do you want to talk about the depression? You know, I think I'm a doctor. : ) I also think I'm the female version of Dr. Phil (Dr. Phyllis).

On a side note, I also got my hair cut. TMS HATES it. He has never disliked my hair in the 16 years I've known him. He's demanded I grow this out. It's really not bad and not that different from the usual cut. I think he's on the edge with all the stress from our move, etc. Ugh!

Oh, The Joys said...

It also sounds like "go with the flow" is needed. (Something I'm not good at.)