Thursday, February 04, 2010


I did it!

I joined Weight Watchers online and gave up pop -even diet- on the same day.

I weighed yesterday morning and saw a number never before seen on my scale.

It is time for change.

Going through my high school pictures I noticed how, this time looking at them, I wasn't as critical about my weight.

My hair? Yes.

My weight? No.

(Cue "Sunscreen" song.... 'You are not as fat as you imagine".....)

When looking at these pictures I see the face of the girl who was never satisified with herself. A girl who wore too much make-up and had too big hair, all in an effort to cover up who I really was.

I still do that to some point.

My hair is still pretty big. I definitely haven't given up make-up. And I am still insecure.

However, I feel more like I am the person I am supposed to be, more than I ever have before. Don't get me wrong, there are still times I do a mental slap to the head while thinking "Did I say that?!", or feel that I am the odd man out.

Bottom line: There are still things I want to change.

Some of the things are internal...others are clearly external.

That is why yesterday I made a commitment. One I pray I keep.

I don't want to shy away from pictures. I don't want to feel like crying EVERY time I see my image somewhere other than the mirror.

I WANT to change.

I hope this desire carries me on through.

That and you. Yeah. You. Considering that I don't have meetings to attend, you are all my support group.

All two of you. Or one.

(You never know....)

So, I am journaling my progess here. (Or lack thereof). For everyONE to see.

Yesterday's weight: 1(X)0.2 (You didn't actually think I would put it in writing, did you? I am not to THAT place, yet. Maybe in time. Just insert whatever single digit number you would like to in place of the X. Hey! Be nice.)

Wish me luck!

-For those that don't remember....the lyrics to the Suncreen song are below:

Ladies and Gentlemen of the class of ’99
(change to 1994)
If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it.
The long term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience…
I will dispense this advice now.

Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth; oh nevermind; you will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they have faded.
But trust me, in 20 years you’ll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can’t grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked….
You’re not as fat as you imagine.

Don’t worry about the future; or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubblegum.
The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind;
the kind that blindside you at 4pm on some idle Tuesday.
Do one thing everyday that scares you
Don’t be reckless with other people’s hearts,
don’t put up with people who are reckless with yours.
Don’t waste your time on jealousy; sometimes you’re ahead, sometimes you’re behind…
the race is long, and in the end, it’s only with yourself.
Remember the compliments you receive, forget the insults;
if you succeed in doing this, tell me how.
Keep your old love letters, throw away your old bank statements.


Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to do with your life…the most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives, some of the most interesting 40 year olds I know still don’t.
Get plenty of calcium.

Be kind to your knees, you’ll miss them when they’re gone.

Maybe you’ll marry, maybe you won’t,
maybe you’ll have children,maybe you won’t,
maybe you’ll divorce at 40, maybe you’ll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary
…what ever you do, don’t congratulate yourself too much or berate yourself either –
your choices are half chance, so are everybody else’s.
Enjoy your body, use it every way you can…
don’t be afraid of it, or what other people think of it,
it’s the greatest instrument you’ll ever own..

Dance…even if you have nowhere to do it but in your own living room.
Read the directions, even if you don’t follow them.
Do NOT read beauty magazines, they will only make you feel ugly.
Get to know your parents, you never know when they’ll be gone for good.
Be nice to your siblings; they are the best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.
Understand that friends come and go,but for the precious few you should hold on.
Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle because the older you get,
the more you need the people you knew when you were young.
Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard;
live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft.
Accept certain inalienable truths: prices will rise, politicians will philander, you too will get old, and when you do you’ll fantasize that when you were young prices were reasonable, politicians were noble and children respected their elders.

Respect your elders.

Don’t expect anyone else to support you.
Maybe you have a trust fund, maybe you have a wealthy spouse; but you never know when either one might run out.

Don’t mess too much with your hair, or by the time you're 40, it will look 85.

Be careful whose advice you buy, but, be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia, dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it’s worth.
But trust me on the sunscreen…


Bina said...

Oh my sweet friend...
I have never laid an eye on you and yet my heart loves you. I too hate any photo of me that isn't at least 10 years old, wrinkle my nose at the sound of "Everyone get together" AND hate anyone with visible collar bones. :)

My "new me" begins tomorrow when soda also goes out the window for me...I am sick and tired of being sick and tired of mirrors and tight clothing. So I am with you, lovie...all the way!

Amanda said...

Well you know how I feel about you. You are beautiful inside and out. But as women I don't think we are ever truly happy with our weight. I am here to support you all the way. I will slap that cake out of your hand anytime!! Hey maybe we should start getting together to walk or something. Not today the snow is still flying but maybe just maybe spring will be here soon.

You can do it! Your and amazing woman.

BTW Throw that scale away. They are never right.