Thursday, February 25, 2010

Control, Alt, Delete

This morning I was feeling a little cocky.

Yep. I mean, anyone who knows me knows that I rarely am on time - to work. Mornings are hectic. Kids are sleepy. Time goes too fast.

This morning, however, was different.

I woke up late, yet somehow, some way, everything fell into place.

I woke L and she promptly dressed herself. She wanted her hair in braids and viola, first time the part was straight, her cowlick didn't protest and we were well on our way to a good morning.

B began to dress himself and I was moving along smoothly as well.

What do you know....we even had time for a hot breakfast.

For Lent I had decided to give up my morning music in the car. I spend generally 20 minutes in the morning commuting to work and I felt this time would be better spent praying, meditating, and generally focusing on how God is working in my life. It is so easy to get caught up in the day to day and I needed something to center me.

The first day of Lent I realized how severe my (self diagnosed) "Prayer ADHD" is. I started praying for people, being mindful of their needs and my intentions towards them, and before I knew it I was constructing a grocery list in my head. I have no idea when I shifted from one to the other.

I need to fix this.


As I drove B to daycare I could hear that one of my doors wasn't completely shut. However, once I turned off the car I promptly forgot all about it. When I noticed B was climbing out without his coat I walked to the front seat and retrieved it and noticed that door was ajar.

"Thank you Lord", I thought. I knew that if he hadn't orchestrated those events as he had I would be half-way down the highway kicking myself for not shutting the door and wondering if my door was going to fly open.


After returning to my car I started pulling out of the lower drive of the daycare. Generally, I go to the second drive because there is always a line of cars waiting to pull into the school directly across from the first drive. This morning there were no cars in sight, until I pulled up to the road.

At that exact moment cars materialized almost out of thin air. I was getting ready to back up and move to the second drive when I noticed little hands on a school bus frantically waving back and forth. Yep. It was my L. With much enthusiasm and gusto I waved back trying to convey to her that I was as excited to see her (although it had only been 20 minutes since she boarded the bus) as she was to see me.

As I backed to the second drive and pulled out onto the road I looked at the situation with my mind and heart open and felt that surely God must have wanted me to be blocked in, albeit temporarily, so that I could warm my little girls heart and she could warm mine.

For the next 20 minutes I tried to remain on task and focused in prayer. Honestly it seems as if much of my time is spent consciously trying to remain "on task" as it is spent being still.

Regardless of my struggle I knew that I was trying and felt that the morning had went well and was excited to see how apparent God is when you are looking for Him and how obvious His intentions are. I tried to get rid of the guilt I feel for not knowing how to pray passionately.

Maybe it is the Catholic in me......

My excitement quickly was overshadowed by aggravation not moments after arriving at work.

After answering the phone...".....Funeral Home" I hear a voice asking for Kim and I say, "This is she".

After verifying my home address and phone number and then being notified that my call was being recorded the lady informs me that I have an outstanding balance at the local hospital and wanted to know how I planned on resolving it.


It took a moment to figure out what exactly she was speaking of and then it occurred to me that she must be referring to the charges that were incurred when L had her tonsils removed.

So, I stated, "It would be easier to resolve if you would actually send me a bill."

She claimed she had sent three.

I asked her to review the billing departments phone records and she would notice that I had even recently contacted them to inquire why I hadn't received anything in the form of a bill. The lady laughed at the time and stated that it wasn't often that people were calling wanting to pay..... and I said that it wasn't necessarily that I wanted to pay but that I didn't want to assume that it was still hung up in insurance all the while the hospital was expecting payment.

She assured me that it was still being processed by the insurance company and that I was in no way past due.

Apparently no one informed the nice lady that called me AT WORK this morning!

She hung up after she stated she would send me yet another bill.


So here I sit. Everything in me wants to call and ask for her supervisor and inquire why I was contacted at work and why they had never called my house (if in fact they had sent me the other bills). I thankfully work at a place where the people know me and know my financial beliefs. They know that I pay my bills and pay them on time.

However, it could very easily have not been that way.

Did I mention that I just can't get over the fact that they called me at work?

Maybe it is the "Prayer ADHD" but I am having a hard time clearly seeing how God wants me to handle this. This time it doesn't seem as obvious. Maybe because I don't want it to be.

I am guessing he just wants me to shut up and pay the bill.


~*Michelle*~ said...

Not sure I will be of much help as I am the ADD queen.

I guess my only advice would be:

Choose being kind over being right.

Love ya! And I am super proud of your weight loss.....even when you are not! I believe in you.


Manda said...

no ma'am, he wants you to call her supervisor. LOL. i would be so mad at that!!! how can she claim they have sent 3 bills if you havent received them?? have prayer add too.....