Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Come on....somebody back me up.

**First off, let me say that I appreciate all of you coming forward- not to mention the nice things that were said.

I never intended on it sounding like I was quitting, because, well, I'm not. Rather, it was because I like to know who is "listening". I do this whole blogging "gig" because I enjoy having a piece of "recorded history" not because I care if anyone else reads. That being said, when I see the site meter go up and I know that people are out there, I can't help but wonder who. Then, when I write and no one comments, I get to thinking maybe I am just a freak show. (Wait! Definitely don't comment on that!) Considering my blog "recorded history" might be stretching it a little, considering what I write about but, still, I don't want to forget these days of my life......

(key soap opera music)


Carrying on.

I have written many times about my husband. Generally it is while I am singing his praises as a hard worker and the hands-down, best dad, I have ever had the privilege of knowing. Occasionally you get a glimpse of his bad timing.

He is a great guy. Sure, there are times that I would argue why he isn't "that great"....but don't we all have those times?

Last night, I started thinking about this blog and how there is one side of Steven that I haven't adequately portrayed.

His sense of humor.

You see, most people upon meeting my husband, comment on his quietness and how that is in direct conflict with my lack thereof.

(Seriously, what are they saying?)

But, what people find out is that my husband is the sneaky kind of quiet. You know, the kind of quiet that leaves people unassuming until WHAM, he issues that "one liner" that leaves everyone laughing and shaking their heads.

Together, we have had some good times.

However, many times our joking sometimes blurs the lines of material that other couples might deem as "off limits".

Case in point:

A couple of years ago my husband was working for a gentleman that had been married for several years. When joking once with my husband, he revealed that he and his wife had picked out "back ups".

Steven asked what he meant by a "back up" and he (laughingly) explained that they didn't want to have to spend unnecessary time looking for someone to fill their spouses shoes if something were to happen to them.

So, as you can imagine, since then Steven and I have worked tirelessly to find someone that we deem worthy of being our "back up".

I offer suggestions to him on girls that might work, and generally he weeds through them fairly quickly. In fact, I have to laugh that his criteria has now shifted to someone that is -and I quote - "a little trashy" and wears boots.....with it being an added bonus if they are blond.


I am not blond.

The trashy-ness is up in the air and I have only been known to wear boots...sometimes.

I don't know about you but I think his "type" might have changed over the last 17 years.

I, on the other hand, am not even sure what my requirements are....but being able to cook for me would be a definite bonus.


About six months ago Steven thought that he had spotted a potential back up, pumping her gas at the gas station. He tried to describe her to me and I would try and see if I thought I knew her. I didn't.

Finally, one day we pulled up to the grocery store and he spotted her vehicle. He told me to look for her inside.

I looked and I found.

It was the boots that gave her away, oh, and the bleached blond hair.

Now...please don't get me wrong. She seemed perfectly nice- if a person can "seem nice" as you are watching from a distance. But you see, I am picking out someone for my husband and when I saw her...I couldn't help but think that he could do better.


Once I checked out and returned to the truck I informed him that he had set his sights entirely too low.

He claimed that it was 5:30 a.m. when he saw her and maybe it was too dark to really judge her very well.

Then.... we knew that he was back to square one.

Please note, that I, had never moved from square one.


A couple of weeks ago I called to see if Steven could pick up L from school. He said that he could and laughed. I asked him what was so funny and he said, "Do you think Mrs. ***** will be helping the kids in the car today?"

I said, "Hmmm, I don't know. Is she your new back up?"

He answered...."I think she might be....."


A few days after this conversation we went over to the home of one of Steven's friends. He trains horses and he and Steven had bonded over their shared love of horses and buggies. They both had a trail ride they were participating in that coming weekend. Justin was supposed to pull a wagon and give rides....and he joked that he was hoping it was to attractive cowgirls. Not because he needed a back-up, because Justin is single. I think he just needed....well....hmmm.

I think we all know what he "needed"...and I use the term "needed" loosely.

As you can imagine the conversation, somehow, went South - as it generally does when you are around men.

What? That doesn't happen around you?

Anyway, during the course of the conversation I revealed to Justin that my husband has "back-ups" or at the very least, is always looking for one. I, on the other hand, hadn't ever found one.

I told him that Mrs. ***** was Steven's new back up. Justin nodded. He thought that she was a good choice. I told him that he had better watch out because Steven would be sizing up all those women he was hoping to cart around, especially the tall, thin, blond cowgirls.

That is when Justin said, "I would rather my women be too big, than too small."

Time stopped.

I raised my eyes to meet Steven's. He smiled. Then we laughed.

He turned to Justin and said, "I think Kim has just found her back up. She might even be in love."

Later, as we were rounding up to leave, something was said about Justin finding a woman and he made the comment, "Big Daddy (yes, that is what he referred to himself as) isn't looking."

I think I was just turned down as having a possible "back up".

This is High School all over again. Hhhmmmpppff.

When dropping L off at school one day, I stopped in and was talking to a couple of friends of mine who teach at the school. They were talking about husbands and jealousy and I mentioned that I think, some how, some way, Steven and I beat that horse to death during our eight years of dating.

Jealousy wasn't an issue we struggled with.

I related to my friends that if anyone should be jealous it would be me. We laughed at the fact that even into adulthood, many things don't change.

Back in the day, Steven had many girlfriends. However, Steven was MY only boyfriend.

"See what I mean about things not changing? I mean, even Justin didn't want to be MY backup."

We laughed and then went on our separate ways.


Unfortunately for Steven, he later found out that Mrs. ***** is apparently not a good match for him. That is unless he wanted to live with a "terror". Yes, I do believe that was the exact words used to describe her from people who "know".

Now Steven, too, is back at square one.

However, as sometimes happens in small towns, I think that Mrs. ***** caught wind of her initial title as "back up" and hasn't heard that she isn't anymore.

Steven, when picking up L, has gotten some extra smiles and a wink when loading L into the car.

OK. I totally made up the last part about the wink, but still. :)

So, although he has moved on, she hasn't.

I just feel so sorry for him! ;)


The Next Phase said...

You are too funny! I think Big Daddy is just really scared of a woman of your caliber (sp??)!!

Anonymous said...

Only you Kim, only you. Thanks for the laughs.

Amanda B

~*Michelle*~ said...

HILARIOUS! I loved every part of this!

.....and that is why I am a "follower" but not in a creepy stalker kinda way. :)

Manda said...

how come youve never told me this "backup" story..LOL. i can just imagine the look on stevens face when he learned what one was. i DO know his sense of humor and i dont understand how, between the two of you, you are not just rolling with laughter all the day long...

Anonymous said...

You know, I never thought of having a back-up. But, Bobby would love the thought of getting to pick someone else out!! Daph