Dear Donor
Dear Donor,
I have tried to mentally compose what I would say to you if
this day ever came. In fact, once, only
a few weeks ago, I sat down at the computer to start putting those thoughts
into words. And then I stopped myself. Although my husband was doing well, it felt
as if writing a letter that can only be sent after someone reaches the one year
milestone, might be tempting fate.
Although, honestly, I don’t know that I believe in
fate.
What I do believe in?
God. Prayers. Mercy.
Miracles. And the unbelievable
selflessness that was shown to us by a stranger- you.
Two years ago, my husband started feeling more tired than
usual and blamed it on a cold that he couldn’t get rid of. He was a self-employed fence builder and
worked as a contract laborer building pipe fence around power substations. It was hot outside and he was welding. We blamed his fatigue on that, but this was my husband, and we should have
known better.
*****
You see, my husband has always been a bit super human and
had survived both a bull-riding accident that severed his liver, as well as a
tractor flipping over on top of him, breaking his leg. He was the hardest worker I had ever known
and solid muscle. He rose before 5 a.m. to leave for work and many nights, didn’t
come home from work until after 8.
Dedication to his family was a priority, as was providing for them.
In fact, this is what he was known for, aside from his handlebar mustache - being a hard worker and
being an AMAZING father.
*****
On September 5, 2014
we found out that it wasn’t a cold. Or
his heart. Or mono. No, my husband, the definition of health, was
diagnosed with Acute Myeloid Leukemia-AML.
In one moment, our world crashed down around us. I remember telling the kids that their daddy
had leukemia and our son, 9 years old at the time, said “That’s CANCER!” The fear in his voice only mirrored the fear
in our hearts.
Shortly after his diagnosis it became obvious that he would
need a stem cell transplant to have any chance at survival. My husband and I traveled three hours from
home and stayed there for four months, separated from our children, while he
received treatment and his first transplant.
The first transplant was a blessing in more ways than one. The stem cells were from his brother, from which
he had been estranged. The two siblings
were brought back together.
Yet, despite the
blessings, five months later my husband relapsed.
In an effort to get him back into remission he underwent
intensive chemo once again, and this time you could see the devastation his
body was enduring. Throughout his prior
hospitalizations and transplants, he would get up every day, put his clothes on
and treat it as any other day…determined that it would be. However, after his relapse, his body just
wasn’t able to do that. My husband,
previously 165 lbs., weighed in at 113 lbs.
The super human before me looked like anything but. And, for the first time, even he doubted that
he could make it through this horrible disease.
Although we were never without hope, I would be lying if I didn’t admit
that hope had started to fade
somewhat.
When the doctors started looking for another donor in May
2015, after his relapse, we found that the only 10/10 match could not be
located. They started looking at the
possibility of having to go with donor that wasn’t a perfect match, but were
hesitant to do so. In the meantime, my
husband underwent more chemo, closer to home, in an effort to prevent the
leukemia from getting worse.
About the same time that we found out that the chemo had
been successful in almost completely eliminating any trace of the mutated gene
that caused his cancer, which was unexpected, we also were told that a 10/10
match was located. YOU.
*****
Last year, when everyone else was thinking about celebrating
Labor Day, you were getting ready to be a miracle worker. A potential life saver.
As we prepared to travel the three hours back to the
hospital to begin treatment to prepare my husband’s body for transplant, our
hometown, who had rose up in support of our family, was reminded to pray for
you, the donor, during this process.
I hope you felt those prayers that day, and every day since.
You have changed my life and I didn’t have cancer. Both of my children are changed forever, and
they didn’t have cancer. And, it goes
without saying, my husband was changed physically, and emotionally, because of
you and he DID have cancer.
But he doesn’t today. Thanks to you.
You have allowed my family 365+ more days as a family of
four that we wouldn’t have had without you.
You have caused our eyes and heart to be opened to the selflessness of
strangers around us. You have made this
big world, smaller, and reminded our family how we are ALL deeply connected.
This year, the year that my husband wouldn’t have had
without your gift, we have gone on a family vacation to Gulf
Shores
You have allowed others, through our experience, to better
appreciate the gift of life. You have
given us hope that this story we have shared might have a happy ending. You have given others hope, through my
husband. You have motivated others to
register to become donors because you so selflessly were.
In short, YOU have changed the world.
It might sound too grandiose to be believed. I will be the first to admit that we live in
a small town that most have never heard of, and in comparison to others, our
“world” is pretty small. That being
said, the world is changed one person at a time and YOU have changed many, many
people. Yes, the actions of a person
that we have never met have altered multiple lives. Family, friends, neighbors, acquaintances and
people that have joined us on this journey have ALL been changed by YOU, through
your gift to my husband.
My heart is full and I know I am failing at adequately
conveying what my family wishes to say.
“Thank you” is not sufficient. In
fact, I don’t know any word in the English language that is. Whatever your life holds, know that you have
already made an impact that many will never have the chance to make. You are, in every sense of the word, a
hero. Mine. My children’s. And, of course, my husband’s.
*****
There are so many times that our family has mentioned you in
conversation. Whether it was because my
husband, after 42 years, suddenly developed a liking to Chinese food, or
because of some new interest he picked up… you, the donor, are brought up,
wondering if we can in fact, attribute these new qualities to you. We wonder if there are physical or
characteristic similarities. We
contemplate whether or not you share his amazing (yet sometimes maddening) sense of humor. We think about the circumstances that
prompted you to register as a donor. And
the kids and I wonder if you know what an amazing man you saved and what an
amazing man you are.
I hope you do.
I pray you do.
There just aren’t words enough to express it…so I will just
end it with:
With humbling and inexpressible gratitude,
Your recipient’s wife
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