Tuesday, January 26, 2016

Signs, Signs, Everywhere Signs (Part 3)

(Part 2)

After I found out the news regarding Steven's biopsy, I needed some air.  I took a walk out to the mailbox and had a good long cry, and another pleading talk with Jesus.  I wrote about that here:  http://helpingmeup.blogspot.com/2015/07/the-middle-pages.html

As I got back to the house that night and tried to come to terms with what our future would hold, I received a phone call from a friend.  She told me she had a story she wanted to share with me.  Without going into too much detail about it, (because the story isn't mine to tell) I will say that I heard about some horrific events that had happened the weekend before and about someone she had gotten to "know" in a round about way.  This person had heard the voice of God tell them to "hang on" in the very literal sense of the word. They didn't recognize the voice either, but there was no other explanation. And hang on they did.  This act alone, when the person wanted to let go in every aspect of their lives, and in everything they were clinging to, saved them.

Saved them, and their life. 

I am not being dramatic in my usage of my words.  Know that when I say this, I am meaning it as it reads.  This man was saved.  Completely.  All that should have been left was a body, if even it would have ever been found.

The "coincidences" of the story are unbelievable. 

However, it was the fact that this person didn't believe that God would take His time to choose him to save that made me think about my reasoning that I didn't believe that God would take His time to choose to speak to me. 

I had no doubts that God spoke to and saved that man.  I still don't.  I don't believe that God picks and chooses based on worthiness, yet, somehow, I guess when it came to the likelihood that he would speak to me, or even hear me, I did apply some sort of merit based system.  And I wasn't worthy.


That night I climbed into bed.  My body was physically exhausted and my mind numb.  I couldn't even really piece together a prayer.  The words seemed repetitious and without real meaning.  Every prayer was the same.  The same basic theme:  "Heal my husband.  Watch over my kids.  Keep them safe."  Nothing felt like it had life or meaning.  I couldn't even summon up energy or emotion. 

I knew God must be disappointed.  I was disappointed.  And I was tired.  Very, very tired.


The next day, apparently glutton for punishment, I went in to have my wisdom teeth removed.  They had been erupting and receding for years and for over a month they had stayed up.  This had caused swelling and for other issues to start arising in my mouth.  I felt certain when I took the kids to the St. Louis Cardinals game back in June, when Steven was in the hospital, that if the TV camera panned our way in the crowd it would, without a doubt, catch me with my tweezers and mini cotton ball applying lidocaine onto my cheek to numb the pain.  (I did this in approximately 10 minute intervals.) 

We are that family.

A friend of mine from high school took pity on me and twisted the arm of her husband, who was able to get me in for an appointment quickly to have them removed.

Steven had a friend that had stayed with him while I was gone.  My sister and Lakyn took me to the appointment and made sure I made it back home.  Once home, while getting settled back in, Sarah brought me my phone and told me, "you have a message..."

I wasn't as prone to the anesthetic as those you may have seen on YouTube (unfortunately) and kept my wits about me the entire time.  When I saw the message was from someone that I knew, but had never met in person, and had never received a Facebook message from before, I wondered what was going on.  Our relationship was work related and although when we spoke, it was friendly, and pleasant, we hadn't ever communicated outside of work.

The words she had typed made me stop in my tracks and made me wonder if I was seeing things.

"Kim, I was awakened at 4 am to a voice telling me a healing was happening.  I was also told to tell you that God is answering our prayers.  I know you are a believer and I had to share this with you."

(To be continued)

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