Friday, May 25, 2012

The Joker....

Lately I have been giving a lot of thought about the person that I am.

This has included reflection on who I am, how I have changed with age, and how I have stayed the same.

I recently stated that I had always wanted to be the quiet girl, and when giving voice, and consideration, to that desire, I realized that what I really want is to be someone who is more guarded.

I seem to run at life at full throttle.  When I meet someone, if the warning bells don't clang in my head, I immediately welcome them "into my fold".  They are a new friend, and I take them at their word.

And I share.  And I talk. And I explain. And I talk. And I share.

You get the picture.

And, although the adult in me know that isn't always the case, I believe their warmth to be real and words to be true.

And many times it is.

However, sometimes, it isn't.  Sometimes it is because they are deceptive, but more often, it is because they are more guarded.  They are slower to trust and they weigh their words and their options.

This is an intelligent thing to do, and something I can not fault them for.

But then there's me, running wide open, disclosing my faults and weaknesses, and laughing about my mistakes and misfortunes, and later thinking, 'so much for not showing all my cards'.

I am my own worst enemy and I am sure that, in the course of my life, my own words and my own admissions will prove to be the sharpest weapons that could ever be used against me.

I just hope that I don't become the lady at Wal-Mart sharing her life story with the checker.....


Momma got Soul said...

and you are loved for who you are! You have a special gift for making a person feel welcome!

Manda said...

ditto. you are so down to earth and you make people feel less alone in the world;) not to mention you make me laugh every time we speak;)

The Next Phase said...

Never wish you were someone different. You are who God made you to be and others are who God made them to be. Embrace who you are and appreciate others for being different (which I know you do!). God made you into an amazing person, mother, friend, and wife.