Friday, February 02, 2007

I'm such an a@#

By lunch time yesterday I had completed several days worth of work. Several people had passed away and the big man boss was out of town ...... So all was left to Dale and I.

We can do this.

We are smart, intelligent, experienced, and professional..... Okay, maybe I shouldn't say "professional".

Or maybe I shouldn't say "we". At least not in the same sentence. Because I am not. At least not yesterday................

Once returning from lunch I ducked into the restroom. As I stepped back out into the hallway I thought..."It is so cold out here!'

I headed towards the thermostat, swearing under my breath about the fact that Dale is constantly turning it down and therefore, freezing me out.

As I turned it up I looked up to see the Methodist Church preacher heading towards the door carrying two easels that he had borrowed earlier that day for the church. He came inside and I began walking towards him. (He apparently didn't see me.)

Hhhhhelllllooooo! I said. He turned around looking somewhat scared. Hhhmmmm...maybe I snuck up on him, I thought.

We conversed shortly about some repair work he had to do on our equipment....yadda...yadda...yadda, then I picked up the easels, bid farewell, and turned around to put them up.

Probably 15 minutes later a couple came in. Being in the back office, I stood up to walk up front to ask them how I could assist them. Upon standing I felt a sudden chill again. Not unlike the chill I felt when exiting the restroom.

Moaning inwardly, while outwardly trying to hide the fact that I am desperately reaching behind me trying to feel what was going on, I discovered that I, being the moron that I am, while pulling up my pantyhose, had caught the hem of my skirt in the top of my pantyhose, thereby revealing my boot-ay to the nice Mr. Preacher.

With a quick yank I freed my skirt and got down to business with the couple standing before me.

After they left I let the embarrassment sink in.

I ran into the restroom trying to get a good look at my backside to determine the shape it was in when I flashed it.
  • underwear on? X
  • hole/run free? X
  • free of any obnoxious stains? X
  • free of trailing toilet paper? X

All in all, my a@# didn't look half bad. The pantyhose helped to lift and shape....... "could be worse" I thought. As could the situation. Couldn't think of how it could've been worse at the moment.... but I am sure it could have. Right???.................


Oh, The Joys said...


I know it's not what you meant, but I am envisioning your hole running free.

Karen Forest said...

Maybe I should have said.....hole/run/clear fingernail polish gooped up to stop it, free?

Either way, run free or not, I definately showed my, and looked like an, ASS.

The Sour Kraut said...

That's hilarious.

My very overweight neighbor did the same thing,(while she was pregnant nonetheless), walked through the hundreds of employees in her workplace cafeteria, stood in the cafeteria line, and finally had some nice, courageous gentleman point out her problem.

My moment came at a crowded rest stop. I exited the bathroom and walked around and around before my young son said, "Mom, you have paper coming out the back of your shorts!"

I then felt the "rip" of him tearing it off me.

The Medium Swede said...

I am sure that at that point, the preacher really knew what it meant to "see the light." Hallelujah, pass the communion wine,here's to pantyhose covered asses!

The Sour Kraut said...

Where are you? Have you left us??

Pendullum said...

All in the way you look at things...

liv said...

That is awesome. It reminds me of when I went ass over teakettle with the communion chalice at church while 9 months pregnant. Girls rule!