Healing hands
Life is funny. Well. Not really.
I thought that I was struggling at home, fighting the reality that is now my life, only to find that our reality got a little more...uh...real, when Steven spiked a fever at one of his regularly scheduled appointments on Tuesday, scoring a re-admission to the hospital.
And the hospital, my friends, is where we "celebrated" his 42nd birthday on Wednesday and have spent each day since. Apparently this year the place to be on your birthday is St. Louis. More specifically, Barnes.
*****
Today was rough. Today I found myself lacking any sense of peace that I had thought I had secured.
The fever that Steven is running is now believed to be caused by the leukemia. He had came home from the hospital in June on 80 mgs of prednisone to keep the Graft Vs Host disease in check. Once home, the doctor, when noting that the blasts in his blood had increased, had decided to start backing off the steroid at a faster rate than we had been going, hoping the donor cells would kick in and help the outpatient chemo to do it's job.
The steroid, as it turns out, was also masking a fever that he never broke during his last hospitalization, and the reduction of the steroid was enough to allow it to break through.
So now, Steven is battling a fever, a rapid heart rate (due to fever), and recurring Graft vs Host Disease.
*****
If the explanation of what is going on with Steven sounds complicated you can't even begin to imagine how complex the disease itself actually is.
And smart.
It learns how to adapt to survive chemo. It learns how to adapt when you no longer eat. It learns how to adapt to present itself as "safe" to your immune system.
It is smart enough to kill you.
A few people have offered advice and suggestions on things to do to aid in Steven's healing, and I appreciate their concern and their support. However, some "advice" I have received has came from an individual that sadly is uninformed on the complexity of the issue at hand.
And it is sad.
I can't imagine sitting at a computer and issuing medical advice to someone I don't know, about an issue I have no personal experience with, and shaming them for following a treatment prescribed by someone who has spent time and money educating themselves about this very disease.
And, apparently, it may come as a surprise to some that not everything you read on the Internet is true.
I love my husband. You can't even imagine how much. I fell in love with him when I first saw him. I was in the sixth grade.
No one wants him healed as much as I do.
However, we have put our trust in God and our physician. Jointly. I truly believe that everyone we have been in contact with at the hospital wants my husband to beat this disease.
God can use whatever avenue He wants to heal someone. For some, maybe it is divine intervention. For others it is through the hands of the doctors and nurses. And for some, the healing doesn't happen on this earth.
However, I pray that Steven's healing is of this world and in this lifetime. Regardless of your stance regarding modern medicine, the most beneficial thing you could do for our family is to pray for this too.
Comments
I am sad for you that someone feels the need to tell you what to do, we went through something similar with Doug and his heart trans. I know you moreso than anyone want your husband to be well. You hang in there, you are an amazing woman, mother and person.
God Bless you all.
Love Lois and John
Much love, hugs and continued prayers
Cinnomon
We blocked these negative people that treated us so harshly from our lives. We focused on God & prayer. We trusted the doctors God blessed us with. Wyatt's life may have been short but it was powerful & made a difference. We prayed for God to give us strength. He did. We prayed for Peace. He gave us peace. We prayed for a memorable moments in Wyatt's Life. Oh my goodness, He really delivered! Wyatt lived much longer than expected. We were blessed to have him for 10 glorious months! He experienced a life filled with more love & prayers than most people have in a lifetime. He was blessed with minimal hospital visits & much time with family. I believe that was a direct result of the prayers. Armed with the knowledge that each day could be his last, we were determined to make his life fulfilling. Struggles trying to understand God’s plan emerged so we went to our Father in prayer asking Him to reveal just a glimpse of how this situation could be used for good. He revealed in a mighty way. We suddenly received messages that told how Wyatt's story inspired them & their family in their walk with God drawing them nearer to Him. God IS using Wyatt’s story He is at work here. God used Wyatt's life to help us also. He taught us trust, faith, love, hope, forgiveness & the value of prayer, friends & family. Wyatt's FB page had approx 7K people following it.
Your story is touching lives also. Keep your eyes focused on God. Do not allow Satan to use insensitive people to bring bitterness into your heart. God has blessed his people with doctors and He uses them to heal every day. Our faith is not in the healing power of the doctors but the healing power Christ gives to them. He is The Great Physician. I will keep praying for healing for your sweet husband. I will continue prayers for the strength & peace of your loving family. God is using you. I pray that you continue using your story to reflect His great mercy & love.
*To anyone out there who thinks it’s a great idea to try to demean anyone going through such a trying time as this, keep it to yourself. It's a very dangerous game you are playing. NEVER accuse someone of not loving their family member or caring enough to do everything possible to help them. Someday you may find yourself in the same position & you will reflect on your behavior, then you will realize what you have done. *
Let's remember that you are NOT her, and if you were, I hope your husband has control of his own healthcare. Unbelievable. Just in case you hadn't figured it out yet, YOU are who she was talking about. You should be ashamed of yourself. Have you even MET her? Do you sit at her table and listen to how hard she is trying and doing her best? I didn't think so. Here's a hint, if you are having to post anonymously, then you shouldn't be posting. Thank you for doing your part to add more stress and heartache to an already painful situation. Disgusted by you and feel sorry for anyone living with you. When you're dying of cancer, you can call the shots. Until then, you have no right. She should file harassment charges against you. I would.
It's ok to have your own opinion. That is a fact no one is disputing. When your opinion is given in regards to Steven's treatment the information could be considered and reviewed for its effectiveness. That is all you need to do. You do not need to continue monitoring Kim to verify if she is following your advice. You have given your opinion. She has heard you.
However, your comments which imply that Kim is not doing everything in her power to care for him are offensive and intrusive. This is what I am opposed to. It feels as if you are taking it upon yourself to judge others when you make comments like that. I understand that you are passionate about the method to a cure which you've presented and your opinion, but please do not let that passion drive you towards bullying tactics to FORCE it on her or to criticize her for not handling her affairs exactly like you would. I'm sure you are a very sweet caring person and as a sweet caring person I'm sure you would never intentionally hurt anyone. My prayer is that you may receive my words, not as a personal attack but with the love in which I write them. Please try to refrain from comments that wound others. You are in my prayers.