I am no Pioneer Woman, but.....

Yesterday, apparently, I lost my mind.

You see, I decided to make cinnamon rolls. For me, this is about as normal as deciding to color my hair lime green.

I have never made cinnamon rolls. I have never made rolls. In fact, I have never made bread. Well, unless you count the "Amish Friendship Bread" that gets passed to me every once in a great while, and I don't. Count it, that is.

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I guess I will blame it on Melanie, or "Big Mama" as she is known.

You see, I don't know her. She doesn't know me. But I read a post of hers about the cinnamon rolls she made from the Pioneer Woman's recipe (nope, don't know her either) and for some reason or another, I was inspired.

Or was it hungry?

Who knows, I so often confuse the two.

Anyway, I found myself thinking that, just maybe, I could do it: I, Kim, could bake.

(Hear the angels singing in the background?)

And so I did.

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Yesterday was the day.

I pulled out the directions and went to work. The first instruction was to mix the milk, vegetable oil, and sugar in a pan....and then "scald" it.

Let me tell you here and now that I was so glad that when the "Pioneer Woman" put these directions together she obviously knew that people like me would be using them.

And by "people like me" I mean "people who don't know what 'scald' actually means".

Let me clarify. I know that when I say that I have "scalded myself", I have obviously burnt myself with a hot liquid....but I didn't know what "scald" meant in the baking sense of the word.

Thanks to her I now know that it means "heat until just before boiling point". Bless her heart.

Since I find it hard to sit still, I went ahead and started getting the other ingredients ready to be added at their appropriate times.

I was feeling very domestic as I was watching Ellen DeGeneres and MAKING CINNAMON ROLLS...... until Ellen said something funny and I looked up and lost count of how many cups of flour I had already added to the bowl.

Oh. Yes. I. Did.

I actually had to get another bowl and recount the cups as I dipped the flour back out of one bowl and put them in another.

Yes, I had added one cup too many.

This, right here, is why I don't bake: A.D.D.

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I got back on track and when the time was right added the 'called for' ingredients and waited for my dough to rise. With my fingers crossed.

And it did. Rise, that is.

I then floured my counter top and separated the dough in half and started rolling. It became apparent that I hadn't quite allowed enough room and had to pinch off pieces of the dough and reposition them on the other end before flattening it with the rolling pin.

It was a very scientific process.

Here is where I feel the need to say that if you are on a diet, these rolls are not for you. That is due in part to the cup of melted butter that I then poured on the top of the dough before covering it with sugar and cinnamon.

When I started rolling the dough with my hands I realized, with my limited baking knowledge, that I probably should have put a little more flour in the dough. It was sticky and not wanting to let go of the counter.

I noticed that some of the "toppings" were oozing off the dough and rolling down the front of my cabinets and, ultimately, ending up down on my floor.

Being labeled as a "clean freak" (which I am not), I found myself wanting to clean this up immediately. With my tongue.

I added more flour to the other half of the dough which resulted in half of them looking very cinnamon roll-ish and half of them looking very cinnamon glob-ish.

Exhibit A: Cinnamon rolls

Exhibit B: Cinnamon globs

The recipe made SEVEN pans of cinnamon rolls/globs.

I put them in the oven and began making the icing. I have to say when a recipe starts out with one (whole) bag of powdered sugar, you simply can't go wrong.

Mr. B, who had wanted to get in on the action the whole time, helped by mixing the icing ingredients together until they were just right. Or he was done. Whatever came first.

I waited anxiously to see how they turned out.....and I was surprised to see this:

I mean, they actually resemble CINNAMON ROLLS. Who would have thought it?

They tasted good too. Or at least I thought so. Even the cinnamon "globs". I think the fact that Steven is now working on finishing off his second pan indicates that he does too.

He had better enjoy them because we gave the other five pans away lest I end up on next season's "The Biggest Loser". Not that I don't have self control or anything. I mean, I could totally stop eating them if I wanted to.

Ahem.

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If you didn't get one of the five pans I gave away, and you want your own, click here for the recipe. And, trust me, if I can do it, anyone can.