Amber Alert

I would like to put out an Amber Alert for Chuck E. Cheese. After visiting his fine establishment yesterday with my kids I realized that he is indeed missing. We were there for 2 hours. During this time he never made an appearance.....not ONCE! All we saw was the robotic Chuck E. in the band......

Come on....what happened to the days when the big mouse would come out and parade around with the kids? Is that now just a bygone era? Is it just a treat reserved for birthdays? Has OSHA deemed the mouse suit too dangerous? Is having a mouse in the restaurant some health/safety violation?

What is this world coming to?