Wednesday, April 25, 2007

Ramblings.............

**This morning while getting Miss L and Mr B ready to go, Miss L started talking about "way back when" she was a baby.

Miss L:"I was this little".....she said, as she scrouched down into the squatting fetal position.

Me: Yes, you were my baby...and still are, but now we have Mr. B too.

Miss L: "Where did we get him?"

Me: hummmm, lets see. Where did we get him? Good question.(thinking to self, "these are really hard questions coming from a 4 year old) Well, mommy and daddy decided that we needed him in our family.

Miss L:"I came out of your belly. Whose belly did Mr. B come out of?"

Me: Mr. B came out of my belly too.

Miss L: "No! He shouldn't come out of YOUR belly. He's a boy.....he should have come out of daddy's belly. "

Me: You know, good point. I had never thought of it like that. Makes sense to me. I wonder what was up with that.

**I saved a bird today. Single handedly. Me. Myself. well, and I too.

I was sitting at my desk when a sound like someone trying to get in the front door made me look up. I was surprised to see a good sized bird lying down, shaking its head, obviously just trying to fly through the front door. I watched for awhile as it shook its head and got up. It took a few steps then fell over onto its back and started flapping its wings to fly.......all while lying down.

I couldn't watch the suffering anymore. Arming myself with a pen, I went outside and bent down to inspect the birds respiratory rate.

It WAS breathing.

I then made the critical decision to turn it onto its stomach with the assistance of the pen. I had did all that I could do.......sigh.....now it was up to the bird.

It. Did. Not. Disappoint.

All of this work and I still didn't get anything for secretaries day......

** Am I the only one that is disgusted with the Bratz dolls. Someone got Miss L one for her birthday and I wanted to jerk it out of her little hands and go burn it. Immediately.

There is something severly wrong with dolls that are dressed like tramps, with make up on and excess jewelry.

I am one of those freak mothers that still wants to dress my child in innocent looking sundresses, hair in pigtails with bows and clean white sandals....... Apparently I am SOOOOO not cool.

**Today while leaving the local supercenter, I noticed an Escalade with its door open. Upon taking note of the nice woodgrain trim in the interior, I began thinking:

"Why is it that when you see plastic woodgrain trim in a vehicle you think....wow, thats a nice rig..." yet you would never leave someones house after checking out their plastic "wood" furniture and think......"They must be rich....all of that faux wood! WOW"

** Last night I had my kids in the bathtub. Both at the same time. We do this frequently. BUT, that may have to stop.

As the kids were playing in the water and enjoying themselves, Mr. B gave Miss L a hug. Miss L hugged him back and said "your my best friend!" and then she pulled out of the hug and.....well,....grabbed his..... Ummm. YES. She did it! She grabbed his family jewels and pulled! Worse yet and yes, it can get worse, HE LOVED IT. He giggled and belly laughed the kind of laugh that makes you short of breath.

"Miss L!" I exclaimed, trying not to laugh myself, "WE DON"T TOUCH MR. B's pee-pee. No way, Jose. He doesn't touch yours, you don't touch his."

Geez! My kids will be in counseling before they start school and shortly after DFS comes and hauls me away.

Monday, April 23, 2007

Because she said so

God visited my Grandma yesterday. She told me this, and I believe her.

My Grandma is 88 years old. She has always been in excellent health. Let me tell you, this lady is a worker. She and my grandfather, worked their whole lives. Sometimes they would both work on their farm, and sometimes one of them would find work in town. Whatever it took. Together they had six children, my father being the next to youngest. All six children were raised with the same work ethic. Faith, family and hard work are the "things" that would get you through life. This principal belief allowed them to run and sustain this family farm up to the present day.

My grandpa passed away in 1998. March 30th to be exact.

Since that date there has been an almost tangible absence at my grandma's house. Even when we are all gathered together, 12 aunts and uncles, 10 grandchildren and their spouses, and 17 great-grandchildren - all crammed together in their tiny house - using the floor to sit down because their aren't enough chairs..... there is still an absence and a void.

My grandma would never voice her loneliness. It seems as if people from that generation aren't great at expressing emotion.... The words "I love you" are seldom said.......BUT always shown. There is no prying into anyone's business. There was always acceptance. Even if she didn't necessarily agree with someone, or their beliefs, she accepted them and loved them.

We always knew the loneliness was there. She replaced their full size bed with a twin bed only weeks after he died. She just recently told me that one night she reached over to make sure Grandpa was doing alright.....and was awakened with the realization that he wasn't there- and never would be. Not ever wanting to experience that again, she went the next day and got a different bed.......

Unfortunately, the past couple of years have proved to be a bit harder for Grandma. She has been plagued with a persistent cough that seems to elude every doctor. This is no dry, hacking cough. This is a crippling cough that the sheer force of it, combined with the embarrassment she feels when a "spell" hits in front of others, keeps her at home.

On days when she feels better, she heads outdoors and in the spring and summer, hangs out her laundry, in the fall picks up walnuts and rakes the leaves........Wanting to be as independent as possible. However, after last months visit to the circus she has progressively declined. There haven't been any good days.

Of course, she wouldn't say that. She maintains that she is alright. Just not as good as she would like.

The rest of us, seem to understand. Weight loss, no appetite, loss of memory... I mean, it is the natural progression of things. She is 88.

Of course, no one wants to voice it.

Yesterday, hubby, the kids, and I, rode the tractor over to her house to bring back some panels. We went in to see her and she had just finished a breathing treatment and was ready for company.

As we sat there talking, my Grandma told me that a while back she lost her wedding ring. She wore two on her finger - a wide band, and a smaller band. As she started losing weight, she told me that she realized that she should've taken them off. Everyday that she wore them she was taking a risk. But she didn't want to remove them. A few weeks ago the dreaded happened. The ring was gone, leaving an absence on her finger more obvious, to the casual observer, than the one in her heart.

However, yesterday, as she got up from "her chair" she happened to look in between her feet. There on a throw rug was her ring.

She was amazed.....and I don't think the word amazed does it justice. She told me how she had scoured the house....shook out the rugs, looked everywhere that she knew to look and it was no where to be found.

There was no logical explanation of how that ring got there. But like the love that is not spoken of, but is shown and deeply felt in your soul, the same feeling was felt in hers. She knew exactly how the ring got there.

"Somebody put that ring there. God meant for me to have it back and He put it there. I know it. I shook out that rug and have repositioned it numerous times....... God meant for me to have it back."

I agreed. It seemed so obvious to me. I could feel it.

Later that afternoon more of my aunts and uncles showed up along with my parents. I heard her recount the story of the lost ring. My uncles of course, being the men that they are, stated that it had to have been there the whole time, or possibly it fell out of the chair onto the rug......or was kicked onto the rug. It had to be explained....

Grandma just listened....but I could tell she wasn't convinced. Neither was I.

If my grandma thought that the hand of God had placed that ring there for her to find....that is good enough for me. I believe it too.

Thursday, April 19, 2007

Is it just me..............

or is anybody else feeling a little sorry for Sanjaya, even though I NEVER wanted him to win? In fact, he was the one that made me want to jump out of my chair and scream..."What are you people thinking?????????????"

or is the lady that called into our local radio station nuts or am I wrong for wondering why she thinks that it is up to her decide what songs are played and what songs aren't? I mean, seriously! This morning I was driving along listening to Chris Daughtry's version of "Rocketman" -which I love- and as soon as the song was over, this ignorant woman calls in and says..."Don't EVER play that song again! It is terrible! No one should mess with Elton John........" This left me wondering who appointed her gatekeeper of all songs being broadcast out on the airways....................

or is it really odd that the Fed Ex delivery guy brought me a package to work today that was to be delivered to my home.....and that it was originally on another truck and when the driver asked him where that road was he says "Give it to me... I will just take it to her work..." Yet, I have NO idea who he is.......or what his name is.

Tuesday, April 17, 2007

Big weekend.........

This weekend was a big weekend for Miss L.

HUGE.

Gigantic.

In fact, this weekend ranked right up there with getting her pony. And that is BIG! Because, our Miss L, is a self-proclaimed cowgirl, and everyone knows that a cowgirl HAS to have a horse.

However, this weekend was almost as big as it gets for a little girl. That’s right. This weekend was Miss L’s birthday. Her 4th one to be exact.

She had talked about this weekend for over a month. Each time the conversation was pulled in the direction of the party, it was obvious that she needed, and wanted, reassurance that indeed, it was going to happen.

Last Wednesday, as we were in the home stretch she asked me, “Momma, I will go to sleep, get up, stay home with you, go to sleep, get up and go to Miss Jen’s, go to sleep and THEN GO TO CHUCK E CHEESE? Right, momma, right? Right? And then the next day I have ANOTHER party? Right?”


Being the nice people that we are we decided that we would have two parties, one at Chuck E’s and one at home. Although we can’t think of anything that we would rather do than go to Chuck E’s, except for maybe sticking a dagger in my eye, we recognize that the grandparents and great-aunts and uncles and cousins might want to side step the “cheesy” fun and head straight for the cake

To say that she was excited would be a grotesque understatement. By the way that she was acting you would think that she was kept in the basement 364 days a year, only to be let out once a year to celebrate her birthday. Oh, our poor pitiful children.





When Saturday came, it was anything but a spring day. The temperature was below freezing and snow and ice was falling out of the sky. But being super charged with energy because we apparently relinquish our parental duties the other 364 days a year, we forged ahead.

Of course, Chuck E. was a hit.





On the way home, we had a little surprise for Miss L. She had asked for a kitten (an outside kitten) for her birthday. Someone had informed us of a family that had kittens that would be ready to find new homes on the 30th and even though she wouldn't be immediately able to take it home, we were going to take her to pick one out.





We had soooo much fun that day that we had to go home and take naps in order to revamp for Day 2 of the birthday party weekend. Whoo-Hoo!

I think that Miss L was more excited about everyone showing up to, in essence, celebrate her, than she was about the presents. Every time someone else arrived the bliss escalated even higher.

But don’t get me wrong. It is not to be said that she wasn’t excited about presents, because, well…….that would be untrue. After about an hour of chit chat, Miss L, decided that it was time to get down to business. It was, officially, present time!

She opened every gift, down to the last one, with the same level of excitement. She could barely tear the gifts open fast enough. Each present-whether it was something needed, like clothing or something wanted, like crowns, make-up and jewelry -was welcomed with an abundant amount of enthusiasm and I am proud to say, appreciation. She handed out genuine “Thank you’s” freely.

After supper and cake and ice cream, I could tell that the past two days had caught up with Miss L. She was winding down, her eyelids getting heavy, and her steps growing slower. People started to gradually leave.

After everyone left we got ready for bed. Miss L climbed onto my bed while I was still finishing up for the day.

I could tell she was thinking and it was something profound, to be sure.

“Momma?”

Yes?

I CAN be a princess……………….




AND a cowgirl??????




Why, yes, you can! You, Miss L, can be anything you want to be and anything that you set your mind to. Always know, that no matter what road you decide to take, or direction you may go, your daddy and I love you beyond words. Happy Birthday, princess cowgirl.

Friday, April 13, 2007

The new me.....

.....or maybe not.

But I am going to try.....to reinvent/recreate myself. Maybe redirect would be a better way to describe what I am going to do.

All of this "re"-ing brought on by depression and a quote.

The quote was given to a friend of mine (Becca to be exact) at her wedding. It was: "Have no expectations."

Simple enough, 'huh? At first glance you would think so. But after you toss in back in forth in your head awhile, it becomes more profound. Or at least it did, for me.

I have decided that most of my discontent in life stems from my expectations. Expectations for my life, for my family, for my friends and most importantly, for myself.

I don't think that having expectations is the same as having goals. Goals, at least to me, seems to be something that you work towards. Something to strive for.....something to attain.

Whereas, expectations seem to be just something that you.....well....ummmm....expect. Period.

I think that a lot of the unhappiness or discontent I feel with my life is due to expectations that I have as well as expectations others have of me.

Sometimes the two do not mix well.

So, alas this is the day that I am going to try to stop expecting my life and my relationships to be something they are not, and start appreciating, and celebrating, what they are. Good and bad.

All of this starting with my new haircut.....that my boss still doesn't know if he likes.

Maybe not such a great start.

But wait!!!!! I didn't EXPECT for him to like it.....

Monday, April 09, 2007

Uuuggghhhh!!

Last week a dreadful stomach virus hit our house.

Miss L did surprisingly well. It still amazes me how a soon to be 4 year old can matter-of-factly look at you and say....."I need a bowl, I think I am going to puke". No dramatics, no crying. Only the facts. Once the puking has ceased she then returns to her "normal mode."

Mr B, however, can not put together a sentence yet. There was no warning. Just puking. In the back of the vehicle, on the living room couch..... you get the picture. And although he is a trooper, it was almost more than this mom could bear. "Momma, hold me", "momma, hold me". Too pitiful!

After six days of upset stomachs and fevers.....Friday there appeared to be a light at the end of the tunnel.

That was until two o'clock this morning.

That is when I, nurse to the sick, got hit by the train. Anybody want to hold me?